“We cannot let this event take away our right of living a good life”

Salaams Sister,

I think it is very brave of you to reach out and describe what you have gone thru. I know this because I can relate. I was sexually molested for about 5 years and this also started at an early age of 5-6. I was molested by my Father’s brother. What is worse is that even after it stopped, I had to continue to live in the same house as him and I still have to see him every so often. I often thought I was alone and never told anyone, and then in college I attended an event where a lot of other people who had been abused came up to a stage and spoke about it. That was the first time (I was 20), that I realized I was not alone – we are not alone. These thoughts and feelings you have – I have them as well. I have blocked out the horrible memories and hate to think about it – I often think of myself as used and not worthy. I am still not married and I sometimes feel I don’t want to be married as I do not deserve to be with a man. I sometimes use what has happen to me as an excuse not to move on in life – but I have told myself time and again, I cannot do this – we cannot let this event take away our right of living a good life. I always feel sad sometimes – I question Allah swt – where were you God, where were you when I was getting abused, I was a little child, helpless and didn’t know – but I remind myself that God was present, God did acknowledge and God has been beside my side helping me thru this ordeal. I have often thought about speaking to someone about this – but what really helped was going to events where people talk about what they went thru, and sometimes you realize some girls went thru worse. I remember I heard this one story of a girl who was raped and her rapist used a knife and injured her in many ways – I read of young babies being raped – I have often wanted to do more and often feel more needs to be done, I know many cultures where this is not spoken about and just because we are muslims – many think this does not go on in a muslim household. The statistic is that 1 out of 4 girls has been abused. Often I get into an elevator and I look at the 4-5 woman in the elevator and I realize I am that 1 in 4. This needs to be spoken about more – it needs to be brought up in Mosques and people need to realize that there are a lot of us young girls/woman who deal with this.

All I can tell you sister is that you are not alone. All that you have decribed, I feel the same and sometimes just knowing that you are not alone and what you are feeling is something I feel everyday – I sometimes use this as a reason not to pray – but at the end, its only my faith and God that has gotten me thru the darkest of times – we must be strong and I always feel, I want to create the best life and do as much to show that this will not defeat me – by a coward of a man abusing me – he only makes me want to beat all the odds and just reach for the stars –
yes sister, some days will be hard, but we must not give up – we must continue to strive and survive and inshallah we will one day look back and realize – what did not kill us, only made us strong.

If you do not feel comfortable seeking professional help – I highly recommend going to one of these events, you can sit anonymously, and need not speak out, but hearing the stories will help you understand your thoughts and motivate you to use this to move ahead in life and what I always tell myself – I never want this to waste any more of my precious time – I want to live a full life and this will not limit me.
This is the event I went to:
http://www.takebackthenight.org/

Good luck Sister, you are not alone. Be strong and Allah swt is always by your side.

Original Post can be found here.