Don’t have any friends
I’m a 19 year old girl. I want to make Allah my best friend so this Ramadan and even now i’m really striving to keep myself close to Him. However, I cannot stop thinking about how crazy my life is right now with zero friends.
First of all, my friends group that I have had since early childhood has now split up and I’m stuck in the middle with no partner in crime. Ya Allah, I wish I could at least call my sister my best friend but I can’t. There is 8 of us in total. 4 on one side that are really close and 4 on another side that are really close. I’m on the same side as my sister but I’m literally just part of a package. My sister has become super tight with one of the girls in the group and neither of them can stand me being around anymore. They act so fake around me and it hurts. Fatima, Allah says he doesn’t burden a soul with more than what it can bear but what if I honestly and truly can’t bear this, Allah keeps his word right, so then why am I stuck in such a situation? To be honest, this has been going on for years now so i should be used to it, people keep changing and I just have no control but for sure I can say that I will always be the one left with no one.
Those were all friends at the mosque. Now for college friends. I have only 2 “friends”. One of them never spends time with me because she is very tight with her high school friend. Usually when I ask her to hang out with me, I get either no response or a clear “no”. She tells me that we are friends but for me, a friend has to be there and spend time with you. It doesn’t mean that she can’t hang out with other friends but I should get time with her equally as well. The second friend I have is also friends with my first friend so technically we are a group of three. However, she always has excuses so we don’t hang out much. When we do, i’m always the one bringing her gifts, giving her rides, and going to her house. She never ever does any of that in return for me :'(
Finally, I’m really concerned about my relationship with someone in my family. She is close to my age and she knows about everything i’m going through as written in the second and third paragraph but Fatima, she does not talk to me on weekdays and I get extremely lonely. I have started crying myself to sleep. I feel empty and I don’t know what to do
Please help me everyone, I really need all of your duaas and support. I need a savior so I never go near ending my own life for this.
I can relate to your feelings of loneliness. You are at a crucial point in your age where you are stepping out of teen years and getting into adulthood. I get that you are wanting good company in the form of friends. We humans are social creatures and do not thrive in solitude. However I think you might be assessing and re-evaluating what it means to be friends with someone. You are attempting to identify what is important and necessary to becoming someone’s friend and make that relationship last a long time. But that is okay and it is quite normal at your age. You are in the process of developing your identity and personality. Yes, this time is definitely confusing, overwhelming and sometimes lonely but it is normal.
You have to understand one thing, people change ALL the time. Friendships change. Friends change. WE change! You are experiencing a change as well. What my recommendation would be to find an activity that you have always wanted to do. For instance, an Art class, pottery, painting, cooking, etc. There you will meet like-minded people who are of your age as well.
I can also understand how you would be feeling lonely even with 8 siblings. As for your college friends, having two is better than having no friends at all. Sometimes our thoughts get the best of us. You have to learn to manage your thoughts and emotions. I would highly recommend that you seek professional help and since you are in college, there would be a counseling center where you can get the help you need. If you are struggling with wanting to hurt yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1800-273-8255.
As a Muslim we believe that Allah SWT does not make mistakes, so you should not think that He created you as a mistake and is putting you through this for no reason. I know it is hard to accept and hold on to this sometimes. But know this that once this phase passes, and it WILL pass… you will be a stronger person. Therefore, please do not think about ending your life over this. You have your whole life ahead of you and who knows you might turn out to be someone important who contributes to a major change in this world. So don’t give up hope.
Your sister in Islam,