Extremely tough situation
I’m a 19 year old girl in the U.S. I’m having a very hard time controlling and stopping my jealousy. The prophet Muhammad S.A.W even said that jealousy burns good deeds as fire burns wood. I do not want my good deeds to go away Fatima. Please help me. I have been so jealous of my cousin and my jealousy is for the most stupid thing ever…clothes. In order to help heal my jealousy, I have started to buy the same things as her, dresses and tops (no pants/skirts) but it is still really creepy and I don’t feel right doing that. What can I do to stop my jealousy from continuing and escalating further? Buying the same things as her has stopped me from feeling so jealous but it has not made me feel any better about myself. In fact, I feel a strong tinge of guilt and awkwardness for running to the store to desperately find the same outfit she bought. I need a long term solution for this that will save my relationship with her and Allah SWT.
Please help me. All suggestions and comments are appreciated
Jealousy is a very strange animal in my opinion. When the seed takes root and starts to grow within us, it is very difficult to overcome it.
I want you to first and foremost focus on what is it that you are missing in your own life that you feel the need to copy your cousin? As you might be compensating for a void inside of you by following what your cousin does. I do want to remind you that looking internally for answers is not easy because whatever answers you will find, may not be so pretty. So have patience with yourself in this process. Yes, it is a process and the outcomes depend on you. Sadly there is no easy way out of this as jealousy is a very strong emotion. I would highly recommend that you seek professional help from Counseling in order to process and explore this issue extensively.
Being a Muslim we are taught that the negative emotions or thoughts are from shaytaan so recite Astaghfaar as often as you can. Ask Allah for guidance and direction.
Now the second part of your post where you stated that your cousin becomes angry or irritated with you for constantly trying to talk to her about different things. It sounds like you don’t have a good support system for yourself. Therefore you view your cousin as someone you can share problems etc with. Try to expand and develop your own strengths and talents which would most definitely be different than your cousin’s. Even though you two are related does not mean that you are the same person. Try to focus on your strengths and abilities versus looking at your weaknesses and shortcomings.
It also sounds like you struggle with low self-esteem which could be one of the reasons that you put your cousin on a high pedestal and want to be like her. But Allah SWT made us all unique and different for a reason. Or else we all would be looking alike, doing the same things, etc. My point is that you need to put yourself on that pedestal and learn to love the person that Allah SWT created. A beautiful, confident, and intelligent person who is aware of her problems and is not shy to ask for help. That takes a lot of courage.
I hope this helps. May Allah SWT help you (ameen)
Your sister in Islam,