Mental health issues

Waalaikumussalam varahmathullahivabarakathuhu dear sister,


I’m really glad you reached out. What you’ve been through is a severe trauma, not a weakness in you. Nothing about your reactions. The emotional pain, the coping behaviors, and the exhaustion is a sign of failure. They are normal responses to an abnormal, abusive environment.

First, you try to understand the root cause. Your femininity wasn’t lost but it was suppressed. Living under control, abuse, and humiliation puts your body into survival mode. When your nervous system is constantly protecting you, it becomes impossible to feel feminine, soft, expressive, or confident. Your feminine energy is not gone. It’s simply covered under layers of fear, stress, and emotional exhaustion. Try to practice doing small steps: Body-care, put lotion on your hands and arms after a shower. Brush your hair slowly and mindfully. Wear one thing that makes you feel slightly pretty even if it’s simple earrings or a scarf. Tiny actions send messages to your brain: I matter, I exist, I deserve softness.

Your sleep cycle is not laziness it’s trauma dysregulation. Start by adjusting just one hour at a time. Gradual change is enough. Do not think of exercise. Think of movement that reconnects you with your body like slow stretching, walking outside if you can. Movement is one of the fastest ways to regain feminine energy because it wakes up the body from freeze mode.

Abusive environments make you internalize insults. Start replacing the internalized voice with your own by saying “I am safe now, I am healing.” Allah created me with dignity. You are not as dirty as you think, Sister. You are not distant from Allah. You are not a hypocrite. Trauma often leads people to use dopamine-based coping behaviors like watching adult content or masturbation. This is not a spiritual defect, it is a pain-management mechanism your brain used to survive. Shaytan’s biggest trick is not the sin. It’s the whisper: you’re too dirty to pray. This sentence never comes from Allah. Allah invites, He never pushes away. The cycle of shame is what keeps the habit alive. Replace shame with responsibility and compassion. Say: I fell because I am hurting. Allah sees my pain. I can get up again. You do NOT need to be ‘clean’ to return to prayer. Prayer is not a reward for perfect people. Prayer is the medicine for broken people. If you feel too ashamed to pray, start even smaller. Make wudu once a day, even if you don’t pray yet. This alone is a step towards Him. Gradually reduce the habit. Don’t aim to quit in one day. Trauma coping habits weaken when life becomes safer and the nervous system calms. Identify the time or emotion that triggers the behavior (loneliness, sadness, boredom). Replace it with another coping mechanism at that moment: music-free walking, journaling, calling a friend, or Quran recitation audio something like that.

Allah’s mercy is bigger than your guilt Sister. The Prophet ( SAW) said: Allah is happier with the repentance of His servant than a man who finds his lost camel in the desert. Even one step from you is a thousand steps of mercy from Him. You are not far. You’re one breath away from Him.
Trauma changes how you feel, not who you are. Your femininity, confidence, and connection with Allah are all of the ineffable. The fact that you are worried about your faith and your feminine energy is proof that they are still inside you. Damaged people don’t worry about losing their souls; souls are sensitive, spiritually alive hearts. You are not broken. You are tired and wounded, but fully capable of healing. Everything will come back to normal Sister. Don’t worry. In Shaa Allah!!

Warm regards,

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”

Walaykum assalam, my dear sister,

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine how much all of this weighs on you. The shame you feel in front of Allah, along with the pain from others and yourself, sounds so hard to manage. I want you to know you are not permanently damaged. No matter what you face, there is a person inside you who wants to move past these struggles and become healthier. What you are experiencing is tough, but it does not define you, my dear sister. It may take time to find yourself in a better place—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually—but insha’Allah you will get there.

Instead of overwhelming your system with too much change at once, try to identify what areas are most important for you to work on. Too much change at once can result in a person becoming overwhelmed and burnt out. Focusing on small, consistent goals can be much more manageable. The best deeds to Allah are those that are consistent, even if they are small. For the struggles of watching adult content, there are many resources out there that you may find helpful. One organization- https://purifyyourgaze.com/start-here/ helps Muslims struggling with watching adult content. There are also a number of other organizations, resources and tools online that you may find helpful.

Developing habits such as limiting phone usage, only using devices in the presence of others, or keeping your phone in a different room at night can be helpful ways to circumvent the habit. A common piece of advice is that it is important for one to identify their triggers. Is there a certain time/place where you are more likely to want to watch pornography? Identifying and setting boundaries in place at these occasions may be beneficial.

Remember, my dear sister, hope is never lost. Every step you take—no matter how small—brings you closer to healing and the peace you seek. Your journey is precious, and your efforts are seen. Stay hopeful, and trust that brighter days are ahead, insha’Allah.

All the Best,

Your Sister in Faith,

Peer Support Volunteer NL