My life is in absolute shambles

I’m really thankful you trusted me with this. Your struggle does not make you a bad person, and it does not cancel your faith. Falling again doesn’t mean Allah has turned away from you. Turning back again and again is part of faith.

Shame is not from God . You are not unloved, abandoned, or beyond repair. Even your pain has meaning.

I want you to know something important: this struggle is not who you are. It’s something you’re fighting, not your identity.The fact that you feel guilt and want to change means your heart is still alive and good. People who are truly lost don’t care but you do.Healing doesn’t come from hating yourself; it comes from support, patience, and mercy. You are not beyond help, even after years.

Please stay. This world is better with you in it, even if you can’t see that right now.

I hear how ashamed you feel, but I need you to know: shame is crushing you, not fixing you. Struggling with desire does not mean you will lose your faith or your values. Many sincere believers struggle silently and Allah’s mercy is bigger than repeated mistakes.You are not rejected. You are not abandoned. You are still worthy of love, dignity, and a future.
If thoughts of ending your life come back, please reach out for help immediately. Your life is sacred.


I’m really concerned about you, especially because you mentioned wanting to end your life. You deserve real support not to carry this alone.
Talking to a counselor, doctor, or a compassionate religious leader doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re choosing life.If you’re in immediate danger, please contact emergency services or a suicide crisis line. Your life is precious. If these thoughts feel strong, please reach out to a trusted person or a crisis line right now. Getting help is not weakness it’s courage.

Stay. Breathe. Take one small step today. You matter more than you know.
Everything will be fine soon. In Shaa Allah!!

Warm regards, 

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”

Assalaamu Alaikum,
 
We are glad you were able to reach out to us because life’s challenges are only harder when you have to deal with them by yourself. Sinning, even repetitive sinning does not take you outside of the fold of Islam nor does it take you outside of Allah’s love and mercy. He specifically told us that if we were to become people who never sinned then He would wipe us off the earth and replace us with people who sin. This is not because he wants us to sin, it is because He loves when we turn to Him in repentance and He loves to forgive us. If masturbating is the reason that you turn to Allah for sincere repentance over and over again, then it could even be the reason you enter Jannah. We should always consider our behaviors in context. The only sin that Allah stated is unforgiveable is shirk or associating partners with Him. Do not allow the guilt of one sin lead you to the path of getting involved in greater sins or even leaving the path of Islam. This level of guilt and shame comes from shaytaan. If we give up on the mercy of Allah than shaytaan wins. Rather lean in to His love and Mercy and His promise of always accepting our duas.
 
I wanted to leave you with some practical steps to consider. If you feel that masturbation has become an addiction, for example, it is getting in the way of your ability to fulfill your life’s goals or complete day to day tasks, have relationships, succeed in school, work etc. then you may consider seeking therapy for addiction. In therapy, you will learn the source of your triggers, how to take care of yourself better, manage your stress levels, engage in other activities that bring you joy etc. Addictions are multifaceted and addressing them holistically will increase your chances of recovering. When we do not practice healthy release of stress and management of our emotions we can develop unhealthy coping mechanisms such as addictions of various forms. Therefore, unless you strengthen all the other aspects of your life to the best of your ability, (confidence, school, relationship etc.) and unless you learn healthy coping mechanisms, it will be difficult to stop your habit.
 
Seeking therapy and going for treatment will also help you feel better in asking Allah for forgiveness as it demonstrates your efforts and sincerity. Be patient with yourself and know that whether you can stop right away or not, your sincere and consistent repentance will draw you closer to Allah. So put your efforts into healing through therapy, seeking forgiveness, and praying for Allah to help improve all your struggles and you will undoubtedly feel a difference.
 
When you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm and hopelessness, surround yourself with people who care about you and people you feel safe with. You can always talk anonymously to the crisis text line anytime you feel you need to talk to someone. They are available 24/7. You can refer to these resources below:
 
1.     Crisis Text Line: Text Home to 741741; https://www.crisistextline.org/
2.     Suicide Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/
3.     Understanding Addiction: https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/addiction/how-addiction-hijacks-the-brain
4.     If you live outside of the US: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/
5.     Here is a video on the different perspectives of scholars on the topic of masturbation, but I STRONGLY recommend you seek the advice of a scholar you trust: https://youtu.be/LANUHY3HaVY?si=hZmZ2Cm6ycn51xgd
 
May Allah protect is from losing hope in His love and mercy. May He always shower us with His Rahma and blessings, keep us close to Him, protect us from our nafs and always guide us to the best resolution for our challenges and struggles. Ameen.
 
 
Your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima AH”

I feel your heartache my dear brother and you are not alone in this.

I really wanted to thank you for reaching out. You reaching out for help is an act of bravery and it was an incredible decision you made. You, my brother, are brave and strong and your effort to overcome this habit does not go unnoticed. In your post, I can feel your sense of hopelessness and fear, and I want you to know that you are not a lost cause. Your heart is still very much alive, and you have so much potential. You feel alone, scared, unwanted and disgusted at the action but let me gently remind you that Allah does not create nobodies. Despite the habit, you are loved by Allah and He loves that you are trying to become closer to Him by dropping the habit. The harder it is, the greater the reward for dropping it. You’ve done a great job of abstaining from the action for a little over a month, and this shows you that it is possible. My brother, you are seen by the One who knows exactly how you are feeling and what you are struggling with. Don’t lose hope or give up on trying as you have the potential. You may find this website helpful as it helps Muslims give up the habit of pornography and masturbation. https://purifyyourgaze.com/

You are stronger than this habit my brother. May the One who sees your struggle strengthen you to overcome this and fill your life with contentment, ease and success. May He bless you with the best of this life and the next.

I wish you the absolute best,

Your Sister in Faith,

Peer Support Volunteer NL