Struggling with religious guilt regarding my hobby

My dear sister, you’re carrying a lot for someone so young, and none of this means you’re a bad Muslim or a hopeless person. It actually shows that your conscience is alive. You care about Allah, about your intentions, and about doing the right thing, and that already matters deeply.

Struggling with creative expression, validation, and faith doesn’t mean you’re choosing one over the other. It means you’re human. Writing emotional connections without explicit content shows you’re already trying to respect boundaries. If your heart feels conflicted, you’re allowed to pause, reflect, or adjust without feeling guilty or panicked. Islam values intention and reflection, not impulsive self-punishment. Writing stories is a form of self-expression and a means of creativity. Feeling conflicted doesn’t make you a “bad” person, your intentions matter. It’s okay to enjoy the feedback you receive, it doesn’t automatically mean you are betraying your faith. Feedback can be a natural part of sharing creativity; what matters is your intention and personal boundaries.

You don’t have to delete your work if it brings you value, as long as you are mindful of your own limits. Some people choose to pause or archive their work if it causes inner conflict, rather than deleting it entirely. Consider setting a clear intention: I am writing this as a creative outlet, not to promote anything contrary to my faith. Having that mindset can reduce guilt.

Intention (Niyyah) in Islam, actions are judged by their intentions. Acknowledging that the struggle itself can be a sign of a strong conscience and good intent (niyyah) can be a powerful source of comfort. Islam encourages a balanced life. Seeking validation can be a natural human need that, when channeled appropriately, does not have to conflict with faith.


Feeling distant from Allah for a long time is painful, but distance doesn’t mean rejection. Many people go through seasons where prayer feels heavy. Start small, one sincere prayer, one honest du’a, even just talking to Allah in your own words. Consistency, not emotion, rebuilds closeness.

As for masturbation, this is a very common struggle at your age. Slipping does not erase your effort or make you weak. Shame keeps people stuck; repentance is about returning, not being perfect. If you fall, repent gently and keep trying. Allah does not tire of forgiving. This is extremely common, especially for teenagers. The fact that you are trying, and even succeeded for a month, shows strength and discipline.
Guilt can actually make it harder to stop, your mind can get caught in a cycle of shame and obsession. Identify triggers (boredom, stress, certain content) and have alternative activities ready.

Focus on mindfulness and redirecting thoughts, replace the cycle with something creative, spiritual, or active.
Islam emphasizes repentance and trying again rather than despairing.
Remember: Feeling shame does not make you sinful beyond repair. Every effort to try, repent, and improve counts.
Most importantly: stop counting sins as if Allah is keeping score against you. Every sincere repentance resets the scale. Allah’s mercy is not fragile.

Take things step by step. Be honest with yourself, kind to yourself, and keep turning back even when you feel messy and tired. That turning back itself is worship. Be positive. Hope for the best!! Everything will be fine soon. In Shaa Allah 


Warm regards,
 
From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV” 

Salaam dear sister,

I’m really glad that you decided to write in. Despite the guilt and shame you are experiencing, I feel that you are looking to soften your heart towards Allah. Part of this is shown in that you reached out. Some of my thoughts are similar to Fatima’s. One thing I would encourage you to do is pause and ask yourself what your intention is when writing fanfiction with a same gender emotional connection. Intentions do matter and are often heavily overlooked.

Reading your post also reminded me of a similar situation I had found myself in many years ago. I had created content online related to pop culture, but it was not something I was interested in myself. When I decided later to create content about things I was interested in, it was more beneficial, I enjoyed it more, and people liked it. However, the last part was irrelevant as I was enjoying what I was doing, regardless of whether anyone liked it or not.

Creative writing is an amazing outlet. I also enjoy creating stories from time to time and can serve as a great de-stressor. What I’ve found personally is that the best kind of stories are those that come from the heart and one’s own experience. You may find it helpful to create your own stories as well, without feeling any of the stress or guilt.

With struggling with addiction to masturbation, it’s important to approach this with small, consistent steps. You’ve gotten so far with avoiding it for a month. That’s incredibly admirable! It also shows you that it is possible, but it might take some time. Setting little goals in order to achieve the larger goal of avoiding it altogether will be more effective in the long run rather than just going cold turkey. A small goal might be that you start keeping your phone in a separate room at night or limiting your screen time. Identify where you feel the most triggered to self-pleasure and try to minimize the risk. It might be challenging, but it is possible.

You’ve got this, insha’Allah!

I pray that you are able to overcome your challenges and difficulties with ease and that you are blessed with goodness in this life and the next.

All the Best,

Your Sister in Faith,

Peer Support Volunteer NL