I called police on my father and stepmom

Assalaamu Alaikum Brother,
 
You have been struggling for a long time. Working long hours, then going to school with no sleep or proper food is unacceptable. Then to be physically beaten by your own father while he is threatening to kill you is traumatic to say the least. There is nowhere in Islam that says your parents are allowed to physically abuse you. Parents are supposed to nurture and protect you. If we are not allowed to treat animals or even plants poorly, then how can harming a child be permissible? It is your God given right to be safe from harm (especially from your parents and caregivers), and to be treated with dignity and respect. In many cultures, we are taught to protect parents’ reputation, and to keep matters of the home a secret at all costs, even in cases of abuse. But remember this is only culture and not Islam. Islam commands us to always encourage good and forbid evil.
 
Based on your post, it sounds like all of your actions were out of self-defense and self protection. Because no one in your house was helping you, you reached out to the authorities in hopes of gaining protection from them. Safety is highest priority. Do whatever you need to do in order to ensure that you are safe and protected. If there are other trusted adults who prioritize your safety and well being reach out to them for guidance. If there are other adults that your father and stepmom respect or will listen to, reach out to them and ask them to advocate for you.
 
Until you can be in a safer environment or get the help you need, lay low and do not provoke the anger of your caregivers. And to the best of your ability, stay in school so that you can one day get a job, become independent and have the means to escape any oppressive situation you might be in. May Allah always protect you, guide you to the best path and put mercy and wisdom in the hearts of your caregivers.
 
[Note to all readers] If you or anyone you know under 18 is struggling with domestic violence in the US, please call 911 if there is an emergency. You can also alert your local child protective services. For anonymous help you can also reach out to the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
 
Your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima AH”

I’m really sorry you had to go through that. What you described sounds extremely stressful and frightening. At 17 years old, being in that situation  working long night shifts, trying to attend college without sleep, and then being physically attacked is a lot for anyone to handle. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I’m really sorry you went through something so painful. From what you described, you were under extreme stress, sleep deprivation, and emotional pressure, and the situation escalated into violence.

First, let me say something clearly: you were not wrong to ask for help when you felt unsafe. Calling the police when someone is beating you or threatening to kill you is a way to protect yourself. Wanting safety does not mean you “closed the doors of heaven” or did something unforgivable. You were under extreme pressure. Working 12-hour night shifts (7 pm–7 am) and then going to college 7 am–12:30 pm without proper sleep or food is not healthy, especially for someone your age. A 17-year-old should not be forced into that kind of schedule. From what you described, you were trying to stop them from hitting you and protect yourself when they grabbed your neck. Self-defense in a dangerous situation is understandable. Family conflicts can become very emotional. Sometimes families react strongly because of anger, shame, or fear of outsiders knowing about the situation. That doesn’t automatically mean you were wrong. You did what you felt was right in that moment. Many people file complaints during a crisis and later adjust their decision due to family pressure. That is very common. Right now, the most important thing is your safety and well-being.

Some things you should consider:
Try to stay somewhere safe if the environment at home is still violent (a trusted relative, your mother, etc.).
Speak to a trusted adult maybe a teacher, counselor at your college, relative, or fair community elder.
If violence happens again, you have the right to seek help from authorities or child protection services. At 17, you are still legally considered a minor in many places.

Emotionally, you have been carrying a lot alone, family tension, exhaustion, work pressure, and now conflict. Anyone in that situation would feel overwhelmed. Feeling confused about whether you did the right thing is completely normal.

But please remember:
Wanting to be safe and respected is not wrong. Islam strongly condemns ظلم (oppression).In Islam, oppressing someone physically or emotionally is a serious sin. If someone is beating or harming another person unjustly, that is not acceptable in Islam, even if it is a parent. Parents must be respected  but they cannot abuse. However, scholars explain that obedience is not required in matters of harm or injustice. If a parent harms a child, the child is not required to accept abuse silently. Self-defense is allowed. If someone is physically attacking you, Islam allows you to defend yourself. Stopping someone’s hand, pushing them away, or defending yourself is not the same as attacking them.
Islam encourages stopping injustice. Reporting violence to authorities to protect yourself can fall under removing harm. So asking for help when someone is threatening to kill you or beating you does not automatically make you sinful.
 
About the “doors of heaven” comment. Saying you “closed the doors of heaven” is not a correct Islamic judgment. No human can declare that.
Only Allah judges people’s actions and intentions. You were in a fearful and chaotic moment. Islam also considers intentions and circumstances. Try to stay calm and avoid further fights. Continue to show basic respect to your father, even if you disagree with him. If possible, involve a trusted elder, Imam, or family mediator to resolve the issue. Take care of your education and health. Islam values knowledge and wellbeing.

Working all night and studying with no sleep is not healthy or sustainable .May Allah grant you strength, patience, and ease in all your struggles. Aameen!!


Warm regards, 

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”

Salaam, dear brother,

I can’t imagine how hard things must be for you with your family, school, and work. Families should be places of support, and I’m sorry that hasn’t been your experience. For your next steps, consider reaching out to another family member you trust to see if you could stay with them, or look for someone who might help mediate between you and your father and stepmother. If neither is possible, try to save money and plan for independent living in the future. If you remain at home, make a conscious effort to avoid conflict as much as you can. You might also ask a teacher, counsellor, or another adult for advice or assistance. Meanwhile, please focus on your safety and well-being. Remember that Allah knows your intentions and that you were defending yourself. Parents have a trust (amanah) to care for their children, and you are not responsible for your father’s or stepmother’s actions. If conflict arises, distance yourself from it. If tensions between your stepmother and your birth mother impact you, remind yourself and, if needed, kindly remind them that this is not your responsibility.

I hope and pray that you are able to find yourself in a healthier environment where you are able to grow, thrive and reach your full potential as a well-rounded young man.

All the Best,

Your Sister in Faith,

Peer Support Volunteer NL