Need advice on something
Hello, I’m a 22 yr old girl and I need some advice on something. I have one semester left and I compete my undergrad, I hope to start my masters in the summer or fall of 2026 inshallah. I’ve been clashing with my parents about where I’ll study. I expressed my interested in studying abroad in Malaysia, and at first my parents were okay with it. My brother did an exchange year there and I visited him during the summer, I really liked it there and made a friend too! She’s actually in the same masters program (and university) that I hope to get into. I currently study in Canada while my parents live in the Middle East. I’ve spent time living alone, time living with my aunt, and time living with my siblings while in Canada, so I’ve become more independent and can do things on my own you know. I also like Malaysia because the living costs aren’t that expensive (compared to Canada) and it’s a Muslim country, which makes me very comfortable. Truth is, since I moved to Canada I’ve been struggling a lot with my faith and my hijab, and I’ve shared that with my parents. I feel more comfortable living in a Muslim country, and honestly Canada makes me feel very depressed, the weather, the people (like when you go on public transport and there’s crackheads there) it’s just not the place for me. I’ve almost made it through my undergrad so I don’t wanna stay in Canada any longer. I also don’t plan on settling down in Canada, that’s why I don’t mind going to another country. I’ve always done what my parents have asked of me, but something is telling me that Canada just isn’t for me. I’m on summer vacation now so I’m visiting my parents, a couple times now they have talked to me about my plans and about marriage. At first my dad was okay with Malaysia, we did research together and stuff too. Now he’s changing his mind. He’s saying it’s not right for me to live alone. He’s also concerned about what it’ll look like to other people, meaning he thinks I won’t get married bc people don’t want a wife/daughter in law who lives alone or is more independent. Excuse my language but I could give less of a shit about what other people think. If I find someone, and they’re the right person for me, I’m sure he won’t mind those things either. My parents are now very adamant on me staying in Canada, my dad even looked at programs at uni’s there. I can’t do this though, I want to follow my own instincts and what I want. I can’t tell you how difficult it was adjusting in Canada, I even changed cities (and uni’s) because my dad asked me to and that shift was difficult too. It’s like I’m always doing things for others and what they ask of me, but when I want something it’s wrong. My brother said he’d talk to them for me, so that might work. I just wanted your advice on this, what’s the right way to go about this?
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
First of all, I want to say that your strength, patience, and sincerity really come through in your message. It’s clear that you’re a thoughtful, responsible young woman trying to navigate a path that honors both your parents and your faith and that’s not easy. You’ve been through a lot already from living alone, moving cities, and adjusting for the sake of your family. These are not small sacrifices. Wanting to study in a place where you feel more connected to your deen, where you can wear your hijab comfortably, and where you feel emotionally at peace this is not selfish. In fact, it’s a sign of God-consciousness. You’ve chosen your destination not for luxury or freedom, but for the chance to live in an environment that nurtures your Iman. That’s something Allah will reward, In shaa Allah…”Whoever fears Allah, He will make for him a way out and provide for him from where he does not expect” (Qur’an 65:2-3).
Islam honors our parents immensely. At the same time, it recognizes that your mind, body, and soul are a trust from Allah too. If a situation is harming your well-being or distancing you from your religion, it’s okay to choose a different path with kindness, not rebellion. You can respectfully disagree, while still treating them with love and dignity. Let them see that this decision comes not from arrogance, but from reflection and a desire to protect your faith and future. As for your father’s concerns about what people will think or how this might affect your marriage prospects remember, rizq (including marriage) is from Allah alone. The right person will be someone who values your independence and respects your deen. The Prophet ( SAW) taught us that marriage is based on deen, not just appearances or cultural expectations.
You’re not reducing your chances, you’re actually protecting your future by staying authentic to who you are. Continue to show respect in your conversations, even if they get tense. Softness wins more hearts than harsh words. Involve your brother if he can be a bridge of understanding. Pray Salat al-Istikharah and ask Allah to guide you toward what is best for your deen and dunya. Make du’a for your parents’ hearts to soften and for your decision to be filled with barakah. “Indeed, with hardship comes ease.”(Qur’an 94:6)
Allah (SWT) sees your effort. He knows how much you’re trying to be dutiful to your parents while preserving your faith and mental peace. If you keep your heart sincere and conduct respectful , Allah will definitely shows Barakah in your decisions. In Shaa Allah…
Family opposition is not a stop sign but its a test.
May Allah make your path clear and fill it with light. Keep going with courage and trust you’re not alone in this.
With warm regards,
From your sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Salaam my dear sister,
It sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of conflict both with your parents and within yourself. You don’t see yourself in Canada and want to move to Malaysia for your studies where you believe you will feel more comfortable as a young Muslim woman. Our early twenties— in what some call the emerging adulthood stage— can be riddled with many struggles as you are wanting more independence and are actively trying to figure out how you want to live life. Having your parents not see how important this move is to you can feel extremely frustrating. You want them, especially your dad, to understand where you’re coming from. I think your parents, although it may be difficult to see now, want the best for their daughter. They may not always say or go about it in the right way, but they have a love for you that no one else in the world can have for you. It sounds like your dad wants to see you in a happy and safe place not just now or in the immediate future but for many, many years down the line. The fact that you are actively engaging with them, researching and voicing your opinion shows that you really care not just about going to Malaysia but that you also care to have your parent’s advice and approval. These steps show a great maturity on your end that you are willing to talk and discuss and hear their opinions as well. Although it may be difficult now these skills of open and honest communication will serve you well in your future endeavours, insha’Allah. Some other ways that you may find helpful along with conversing with your family is to make dua to Allah for guidance, pray the istikarah prayer where you make a special dua at the end of the prayer for guidance on a decision, and remember that Allah is Al-Hadi, The Guide and He will guide you to the path that will be of the greatest benefit to your life here and in the next life.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/family/
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