“It is through struggle we really learn to become better people”

Dear sister or brother,

Know that you are not alone in this struggle. Many people go through such hard difficulties (as yourself), and I find these people to be the most beautiful. Because it is through struggle we really learn to become better people.

You are not a loser. The fact that you haven’t cut yourself in a year, and you are PROUD of it is such an amazing thing. You not only recognized that you were hurting yourself, but you made an active effort to prevent yourself from doing it again. This to me shows that deep down you DO believe that you should be respected, loved, honored, and cared for. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe that because the negativity around us and within us constantly brings us down. Perhaps there are different circumstances in your life right now that constantly put you in a battlefield – between trying to determine whether you truly deserve to be happy and loved or not.

I am sharing my own story with you with the hopes that it will help you.

I have struggled with self-esteem all of my life. And I know for sure that so many things around me would constantly bring me down. If I woke up one day and decided to make the best of the day, it was nearly impossible to get through the day without a comment/remark from my parents, friends, siblings that hurt my feelings and made me constantly feel like I was unworthy of love, unworthy of respect. It was like having someone kick an open wound over and over again. It was so hard to pick myself up.

Only about a year and half ago, I decided I needed to help myself because no one else was going to help me. I went to the mental health center at my university. It took me a long time to make the appointment because I was so ashamed of needing help in this part of my life. But I knew the only way I could get better was if I got professional help. Talking to a friend didn’t help because venting didn’t move me forward. I wanted SO BADLY to move forward, to get out of this rut in my life. I met with a psychiatrist, then didn’t go after my second appointment because I didn’t like her.

Then maybe 6 months later, I tried again and finally found a therapist that was helpful. I saw her for maybe 6 months. She really helped me realize how much I actually struggle with on a daily basis, and how valuable it is. She helped me understand that my struggle wasn’t something to brush off, that it was something to be proud of. The fact that I was taking steps forward was a HUGE deal. And it was. If it wasn’t for her, I would have never learned how to appreciate everything wonderful about myself. Because you know what? Regardless of what others say, regardless of how many flaws I might have, regardless of what I may tell myself about how unworthy I am at my lowest times…I am worthy. I deserve to be loved, and most importantly I deserve to LOVE MYSELF. I learned through the past 1.5 years that if I don’t love myself, no one will.

I really learned to focus on myself, to constantly remind myself of all the amazing things about myself. And I learned different mechanisms to use when I was in a situation that I knew would make me feel low. Another thing I learned was that negative people are really toxic to my wellbeing. They sucked the energy out of and left me incapable of doing anything. It seems like that your “friends” have already done this for you. I know it’s really hard to be in a situation where you feel absolutely alone, but try to remind yourself that if they weren’t around to help you through this then they weren’t worthy of your love and company anyways.

I still struggle with low self-esteem even today. But I try my best to take it one day at a time, and what helps me the most when I feel really down is talking to Allah. I tell Him how I feel, I ask Him for patience, I ask for His Forgiveness. I ask Him to help me love myself, I ask Him to help me appreciate myself, because He Created me. And all people are worthy of His Love, and I know that the only way I can feel Allah’s Love for me is by loving myself.

I hope this helps. My advice would be to take that first step. Make a call and get professional help. They will help you move forward, inshaAllah. You are in my duas and I wish you only the utmost love and appreciation for yourself moving forward, inshaAllah. May Allah make this tribulation easy for you, may He open your heart and allow you to see all your wonderful qualities. Ameen!

With duas and lots of positive energy,
Your sister in Islam

p.s. I know I say all these things in (somewhat) hindsight so please don’t think I am undermining your struggle. I know how difficult it is, but there is hope at the end of the tunnel. You will get through this, inshaAllah. Don’t ever give up on yourself. You are worth it!!

Original post can be found here.