Marrying young and having kids later
I am a young woman who is interested in getting married in the near-future, but I wish to continue my education and develop a career. Therefore, I wish to have kids in my late 20s or early 30s. I am worried if there are any religious Muslim men who have the same way if thought; that they would marry young, but have kids 5-10 years later?
As Salaam Alaikum,
I think its great that you have the desire to pursue a career. I do believe that you are still young to be thinking of marriage and should concentrate on the many doors that are open to you in regards to your future. As you enter college you will see that there is a lot of new opportunities you can try out and explore and as you do this inshaAllah with the will of Allah you will find a spouse that will be good for you. Surround yourself with people who are open minded and that only encourage you to progress in the way you want to, and inshaAllah this will attract a spouse that will only support what you want to do. SubhanAllah there are many men out there who are very understanding and want for women to pursue their own careers. InshaAllah that person will come to you in due time. Also, as marriages are a gift from Allah – try reciting these whenever you have time: Surat Al-‘Aĥzāb 33, Surat Al-Taha 20, and this dua: “O Causer of the Causes; O He who opens the doors (to opportunities); O’ He who gives an answer to the call from wherever (He is called).” Yaa Musabbibal Asbaabi Yaa Mufattihal Abwaabi Yaa Man Haythu Maa Du-ee-Ya Ajaaba
As for children – they too are gifts from Allah and you can plan but will only happen with the will of Allah. Take your time. You are still young. Focus on yourself, your education, your career and inshaAllah with the will of Allah, the rest will fall into place.
Good luck with your future – May Allah guide you and protect you always
Your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima X”
HA18
Salaam sister,
I think it’s great that you are considering marriage and thinking about what would be realistic for you and your career. It’s wonderful that you’re planning ahead!
I noticed that your main question asks if there are any religious men who would be willing to wait 5-10 years before having kids. This was interesting to me because when a couple decides to have kids is not a “religious” matter. Yes, Islam is a religion which encourages marriage and having a family, but waiting to have kids or even waiting to get married is not haram in any way.
I think there may be someone or something you’ve heard influencing you to think that waiting that long is just tooooo long and is somehow linking it to religion. That is something that is a matter between you and your future husband and it has a lot to do with not only careers, but all sorts of life situations. Maybe your husband will just have entered med school or maybe you decide to go on to law school, maybe you are both separated by distance for a little while because of work, maybe you can make a good guess, based on your incomes, that waiting 5 years would be perfect for you guys to have a kid financially. It could be anything! It could be 3 years down the road, it could be 8 years, who knows.
When it comes time to talk to someone, that would be something for you to discuss. You are perfectly entitled to want to get married and not immediately have children. It has absolutely nothing to do with religion.
To give the short answer to your question…yes, I believe that you can find a religious man who will be willing to wait before having kids.