I feel like giving up

Assalaamu Alaikum,

Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. You have been through so much trauma including emotional, sexual abuse, and abandonment. When life gets heavy we can ask for a hand to help carry the load. In addition to an expanded support network of friends and community, speaking to a mental health professional will help you navigate your difficulties, cope with your anxiety and overcome relational challenges.
 
Despite all your struggles, I was impressed with your ability to recognize the positives in your life including finding a good friend in Malaysia, re-establish and repairing your relationship with hijab, having the support of your mom & brother, your parents not being too strict and the possibility of living out your dream of studying in Malaysia. I would recommend listing out such positives in your life, imagining the accomplishment of your dreams and referring to the list often especially when you start to feel anxious or lose hope.
 
Your connection with your deen and Allah can be such an immense source of support. It’s a shame that the patriarchal interpretation of Islam has compromised your relationship with your religion and your Creator. Yes, many of the rules in place in Islam is for your own protection, but there are also a lot of assumptions about women that come from cultural interpretations that are not necessarily the commandments of Allah. I would encourage you to seek out a trusted religious scholar or Sheikh to help detangle some of these perspectives from the true message of Islam.
 
Challenges and tests can also be a great opportunity to shed light on people who really care about us, stick around and are worth investing in. If your friend did not stick around I pray Allah will replace her with someone who is better for you infinite fold. And remember Allah is always with us, if we step towards Him he runs toward us. Your choice to believe in His love and mercy is in full alignment with what the Messenger peace be upon him teaches us about Allah: that ultimately His Mercy will overcome His wrath. May His Mercy and Love uplift your heart when you feel down and alone, and grant you motivation and guidance when you feel helpless.

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “AH”

Waalaikumussalamwarahmathullahiwabarakathuhu my dear Sister,


I can feel how much you’re hurting, how heavy it must feel to keep trying, to keep carrying yourself with so much pain in your heart. May Allah reward you for your honesty, and your patience in the face of so many tests. Even when you feel like you’re breaking, you’re still standing. That alone is a form of strength and faith.


Sister, what you’re feeling, that sadness, that anger, that exhaustion is everything Allah already knows. Even the Prophets (peace be upon them all) felt sadness and called out to Allah. The Prophet Yaqub when he lost his beloved son Yusuf, cried until he went blind. He said: “I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah…” (Surah Yusuf 12:86). You are allowed to cry, to be tired, to feel alone. These emotions are not signs of weak iman (faith). They are part of your journey back to Allah. You spoke about feeling like Allah is leaving you alone. Sister, I promise you, Allah never leaves His servants, even when they feel abandoned by the world. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) himself experienced deep loneliness. In the Year of Sorrow, he lost his beloved wife Khadijah (RA) and his uncle Abu Talib, his closest sources of comfort and support yet he never stopped turning to Allah. Allah later reminded him: “Your Lord has not forsaken you, nor has He hated you.” (Surah Ad-Duhaa 93:3), that same promise is true for you.



You mentioned being tired of the different expectations placed on women the way people talk about girls living alone, wearing hijab, and just wanting to live life. Sister, those feelings are not only valid, but deeply understandable. Many women feel this tension between what is cultural and what is actually Islamic. And unfortunately, culture often places burdens on women that Islam never intended. Let me remind you: Islam honours women. It gives you the right to seek knowledge, to travel, to own your choices. What matters in Islam is your safety, your intention, and your taqwa (God-consciousness). If your purpose is education, personal growth, or emotional wellbeing, and you’re taking steps to stay within your faith that’s not only acceptable, it’s admirable. Islam is not a religion of control. It’s a religion of balance, mercy, and choice. If others are making it feel like a prison, don’t blame yourself and don’t blame Allah. Blame the way it’s been misrepresented. Sister, I want you to know that Allah hears every single dua you whisper even the ones said in exhaustion, even the ones mixed with doubt. He is “Al-Wadud “the Most Loving.



The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) treated women with dignity, love, and full humanity. He said: “The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their women.” He encouraged women to seek knowledge. He listened to them. He uplifted them. So don’t let the noise of culture drown out the softness of true Islam.



About your hijab, the struggle is not a failure. Struggling and still choosing to try is beautiful. You’ve built your relationship with it, and it’s okay to be tired of it sometimes. Allah knows your heart. He knows you better than anyone else does. Please, don’t give up on yourself or your faith. Your life has value, your dreams matter, and your heart’s yearning for love and companionship is beautiful and human.


May Allah guide you, comfort you, and bless you with the support and happiness you deserve.

With love,

From your sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV” 
 

Salaam my dear sister,

 I think you did a great job putting your thoughts and feelings into words. I could feel plenty of emotions reading through your post. Frustration, exhaustion, confusion, anger, I hear these sentiments loudly through your writing. I can also see that there are many layers to your pain.

A reoccurring theme in your post is your desire to find good company and that you no longer want to feel alone. Facing these challenges are difficult and yet extremely important as we need individuals with a positive influence in our lives to carry on living healthily. I feel your pain, my sister. I too live in Canada, and I grew up in a small town here as the only Muslim girl in my school. I struggled with making and keeping friends as our values (especially as we got older) were not always aligned.

There was one part in your post that stood out to me. When you wrote, “I just want to be like other girls, I wanna dress like them, I wanna have fun like them, they seem more free”, I felt this. I remember feeling this way too when I was much younger. I promise you, although it may look like it on the outside, these girls are not freer. They too struggle just like you and me. Our struggles cannot always be seen by the outside world, but they still exist within us. I remember one girl I went to school with grappled with her self-image and would engage in harmful practices because of this. She didn’t disclose this with everyone, but she was experiencing a lot even though on the outside she had a loud, a playful demeanor.

We experience a lot of turmoil in our internal world and often we feel that there is no one out there who can empathize with how we feel. While it may be true that the people in our lives will not or cannot fully empathize, there is someone who knows your situation. Not only does this One know your situation, but He fully understand what your own self is aching for.


“We created man––We know what his soul whispers to him: We are closer to him than his jugular vein––” (Surah Qaf 50:16).


My sweet sister, Allah knows your exhaustion. You are seen by Him, You are heard by Him, You are known by Him. Throughout your post your heart sounds like it’s constricted and engulfed in a flame of agony, but you can release some of this. Look at your heart and feel what it’s telling you and then tell that to Allah. It doesn’t have to be big or poetic or filled with this deep, raw emotion. Even something as small as saying, “Allah, I need your help, I need You.” Whatever it is, search your heart and relieve yourself of the tension by communicating to Allah.

If you need a bit of inspiration, you can use the dua of Musa (AS) when he found himself as fugitive, homeless and destitute. He did what he could and turned to Allah after helping the two women give water to the animals.


“My Lord, I am truly in great need of any good that You might send down to me” (Surah Qasas 28:24).


Remember, my sweet sister, we move and turn away from Allah, but He never turns away from us.

I pray that Allah blesses you with the best of this world and the next, allows you to find and keep close companions in your life, strengthens your relationships with your family and allows you all to come back to Him in His Jannah Firdous, ameen.

All the Best,

Your Sister in Faith,

Peer Support Volunteer, NL