Need advice on something
Hello, I’m a 22 yr old girl and I need some advice on something. I have one semester left and I compete my undergrad, I hope to start my masters in the summer or fall of 2026 inshallah. I’ve been clashing with my parents about where I’ll study. I expressed my interested in studying abroad in Malaysia, and at first my parents were okay with it. My brother did an exchange year there and I visited him during the summer, I really liked it there and made a friend too! She’s actually in the same masters program (and university) that I hope to get into. I currently study in Canada while my parents live in the Middle East. I’ve spent time living alone, time living with my aunt, and time living with my siblings while in Canada, so I’ve become more independent and can do things on my own you know. I also like Malaysia because the living costs aren’t that expensive (compared to Canada) and it’s a Muslim country, which makes me very comfortable. Truth is, since I moved to Canada I’ve been struggling a lot with my faith and my hijab, and I’ve shared that with my parents. I feel more comfortable living in a Muslim country, and honestly Canada makes me feel very depressed, the weather, the people (like when you go on public transport and there’s crackheads there) it’s just not the place for me. I’ve almost made it through my undergrad so I don’t wanna stay in Canada any longer. I also don’t plan on settling down in Canada, that’s why I don’t mind going to another country. I’ve always done what my parents have asked of me, but something is telling me that Canada just isn’t for me. I’m on summer vacation now so I’m visiting my parents, a couple times now they have talked to me about my plans and about marriage. At first my dad was okay with Malaysia, we did research together and stuff too. Now he’s changing his mind. He’s saying it’s not right for me to live alone. He’s also concerned about what it’ll look like to other people, meaning he thinks I won’t get married bc people don’t want a wife/daughter in law who lives alone or is more independent. Excuse my language but I could give less of a shit about what other people think. If I find someone, and they’re the right person for me, I’m sure he won’t mind those things either. My parents are now very adamant on me staying in Canada, my dad even looked at programs at uni’s there. I can’t do this though, I want to follow my own instincts and what I want. I can’t tell you how difficult it was adjusting in Canada, I even changed cities (and uni’s) because my dad asked me to and that shift was difficult too. It’s like I’m always doing things for others and what they ask of me, but when I want something it’s wrong. My brother said he’d talk to them for me, so that might work. I just wanted your advice on this, what’s the right way to go about this?
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
First of all, I want to say that your strength, patience, and sincerity really come through in your message. It’s clear that you’re a thoughtful, responsible young woman trying to navigate a path that honors both your parents and your faith and that’s not easy. You’ve been through a lot already from living alone, moving cities, and adjusting for the sake of your family. These are not small sacrifices. Wanting to study in a place where you feel more connected to your deen, where you can wear your hijab comfortably, and where you feel emotionally at peace this is not selfish. In fact, it’s a sign of God-consciousness. You’ve chosen your destination not for luxury or freedom, but for the chance to live in an environment that nurtures your Iman. That’s something Allah will reward, In shaa Allah…”Whoever fears Allah, He will make for him a way out and provide for him from where he does not expect” (Qur’an 65:2-3).
Islam honors our parents immensely. At the same time, it recognizes that your mind, body, and soul are a trust from Allah too. If a situation is harming your well-being or distancing you from your religion, it’s okay to choose a different path with kindness, not rebellion. You can respectfully disagree, while still treating them with love and dignity. Let them see that this decision comes not from arrogance, but from reflection and a desire to protect your faith and future. As for your father’s concerns about what people will think or how this might affect your marriage prospects remember, rizq (including marriage) is from Allah alone. The right person will be someone who values your independence and respects your deen. The Prophet ( SAW) taught us that marriage is based on deen, not just appearances or cultural expectations.
You’re not reducing your chances, you’re actually protecting your future by staying authentic to who you are. Continue to show respect in your conversations, even if they get tense. Softness wins more hearts than harsh words. Involve your brother if he can be a bridge of understanding. Pray Salat al-Istikharah and ask Allah to guide you toward what is best for your deen and dunya. Make du’a for your parents’ hearts to soften and for your decision to be filled with barakah. “Indeed, with hardship comes ease.”(Qur’an 94:6)
Allah (SWT) sees your effort. He knows how much you’re trying to be dutiful to your parents while preserving your faith and mental peace. If you keep your heart sincere and conduct respectful , Allah will definitely shows Barakah in your decisions. In Shaa Allah…
Family opposition is not a stop sign but its a test.
May Allah make your path clear and fill it with light. Keep going with courage and trust you’re not alone in this.
With warm regards,
From your sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Salaam my dear sister,
It sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of conflict both with your parents and within yourself. You don’t see yourself in Canada and want to move to Malaysia for your studies where you believe you will feel more comfortable as a young Muslim woman. Our early twenties— in what some call the emerging adulthood stage— can be riddled with many struggles as you are wanting more independence and are actively trying to figure out how you want to live life. Having your parents not see how important this move is to you can feel extremely frustrating. You want them, especially your dad, to understand where you’re coming from. I think your parents, although it may be difficult to see now, want the best for their daughter. They may not always say or go about it in the right way, but they have a love for you that no one else in the world can have for you. It sounds like your dad wants to see you in a happy and safe place not just now or in the immediate future but for many, many years down the line. The fact that you are actively engaging with them, researching and voicing your opinion shows that you really care not just about going to Malaysia but that you also care to have your parent’s advice and approval. These steps show a great maturity on your end that you are willing to talk and discuss and hear their opinions as well. Although it may be difficult now these skills of open and honest communication will serve you well in your future endeavours, insha’Allah. Some other ways that you may find helpful along with conversing with your family is to make dua to Allah for guidance, pray the istikarah prayer where you make a special dua at the end of the prayer for guidance on a decision, and remember that Allah is Al-Hadi, The Guide and He will guide you to the path that will be of the greatest benefit to your life here and in the next life.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/family/
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Habiba K
Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Sister.
It seems you are navigating a difficult path, trying to respect your parents’ wishes while also staying true to what you believe is best for your future and well-being. Your frustration is entirely valid. Your aspiration to study in Malaysia is thoughtful and deeply rooted. Wanting to be in a place that supports your spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being is not only understandable, but transformative. You have lived in Canada long enough to recognize how its environment has impacted your faith and mental health, and your desire for a more nourishing space is both wise and courageous.
There is no doubt that your parents care deeply for you, even if their concern may sometimes come across as controlling or misdirected. It is not uncommon for parents to resist change out of fear. Nevertheless, it is important not to dismiss their worries or overlook their emotions. A thoughtful and wise approach is to acknowledge their perspective with empathy and work to address their concerns with clarity and respect.
Your parents’ resistance to Malaysia, especially your father’s shift in perspective, likely stems from several underlying concerns. These may include cultural expectations, questions of safety and security, unfamiliarity with a new environment, and a protective instinct toward you amidst perceived risks or uncertainties. That said, this is a sensitive matter and calls for a thoughtful approach grounded in respect, empathy, and clear, strategic communication.
Your parents may not fully grasp your perspective right away, but that does not mean they would not come to accept it over time. Even if they do not immediately understand your reasons, their outlook may shift. In the meantime, your brother’s support is a powerful resource. The fact that he has lived in Malaysia and is willing to advocate on your behalf makes his role especially meaningful and influential.
Before your brother speaks to them, take time to sit with him and share all your reasons, not just the academic ones. Open up about your struggles with faith and hijab in Canada, your experiences with depression, the sense of peace you feel in a Muslim environment, the lower cost of living, and the support system you already have through your friend there. Give him concrete information so he is well prepared. Emphasize the academic strengths of the specific program and university you are pursuing, along with the safety measures in place and your planned living arrangements. Sharing these practical details will help reassure them that your decision is well thought-out and grounded in both educational and personal well-being. He can then present your case in a way that resonates with your parents, perhaps by emphasizing the aspects they are more likely to value, such as religious growth and personal safety.
I would suggest that when you personally speak with your parents on this issue, begin by sincerely acknowledging all they have done for you, their guidance, their unwavering support for your education, and their constant desire to see you succeed. Let them know that you do not take their sacrifices or their care for granted, and that you never want them to feel unheard or dismissed. Also that they have always been a guiding force in your life, and you are truly grateful for that. Express that you would deeply value their support, their du’a, and their trust as you move forward. Assure them that you will continue to make Istikhara and seek their counsel throughout this journey, because their blessing means a great deal to you. At the same time, help them understand that this is not simply a matter of preference, it is a decision rooted in purpose and intentionality.
Kindly let them know that you have taken time to reflect deeply and are trying your best to choose the path that supports your overall well-being. Your decision to study in Malaysia comes from a genuine intention to protect and nourish your faith, mental health, and sense of purpose, all of which are essential to your identity as a Muslim. Living in a Muslim-majority country would create an environment that makes it easier for you to grow spiritually, which you believe is the foundation of everything else. Be honest about how difficult things have been for you in Canada, especially with your depression, and explain that relocating to a place where you feel more spiritually and culturally at ease could be transformative, not just for your studies, but for your life as a Muslimah.
Make sure to address their specific worries with thoughtful solutions. If they are concerned about you living alone, remind them that you have already demonstrated your independence while living in Canada and that you have adequately managed your responsibilities. Reassure them that you will continue to carry the values they instilled in you, regardless of where you are. Emphasize that Malaysia’s Muslim environment offers a greater sense of safety and shared values, which adds to your comfort. Let them know you also have a friend from the same program nearby, which provides an added layer of support. You might even offer to stay in university housing at first, as it may feel more secure and structured for them than a private apartment.
In response to their concern about “what people will think,” gently shift the focus to what truly matters, your spiritual well-being and academic success. Acknowledge that you understand their worries about appearances, living alone, or how others might perceive your decision. Reassure them that you also recognize their concerns about marriage, and that you are not dismissing them. But express your trust that Allah will send the right person at the right time, someone who values you for your character and your connection to Allah. Let them know you believe you can nurture that connection more fully in Malaysia.
Try to remain patient throughout this process, it may not be resolved in a single conversation. Be prepared to revisit the topic calmly and respectfully, even if it takes multiple discussions. Please avoid turning it into a debate; if the conversation becomes tense, gently suggest pausing and returning to it at a better time. Most importantly, keep turning to Allah in du’a, asking Him to soften your parents’ hearts and guide them to understand and support what is truly best for you.
You have already demonstrated remarkable strength and resilience. Continue to make Istikhara, ask Allah to guide you toward what is truly best, and remain consistent in your du’a with full trust in His wisdom and timing.
May Allah place barakah in your decisions, strengthen you with wisdom and courage, and grant you what brings you closest to Him and most at peace within yourself.
Your Sister in Islam
Peer Support Volunteer Habiba K