Hijab struggles

Dear Sister,

I want to acknowledge your courage for expressing it sister. Many women who wear hijab, especially those who started young, go through similar periods of questioning or struggle. It doesn’t mean your faith is weak or that you’ve failed, it means you’re engaging deeply with your faith, identity, and relationship with Allah. Even your private thoughts and emotional struggles are seen by Him with mercy, not harshness.
 
Hijab is a conversation between you and Allah, not between you and people. Sometimes hijab starts feeling heavy because of how people treat it , comments, expectations, or social pressures. But hijab at its root isn’t about them. It’s about you and Allah. Try to bring the focus back to that private relationship not whether others approve or judge. Ask yourself: When I wear hijab, what intention do I want it to represent, fear, guilt, identity, or love for Allah? Even if your answer right now is “I don’t know,” that’s okay. The goal is honesty, not instant clarity.

You began wearing it at 13, that’s beautiful, but also means it started as something you inherited rather than fully chose. Now, at 22, you’re transitioning into adulthood, independence, and self-understanding. It’s natural that you’re revisiting things that once felt automatic. You can think of this not as “losing” hijab, but as redefining it. Ask yourself: What does modesty mean to me now? How does hijab fit into my relationship with Allah, not just culture or habit? It’s okay to seek a version that feels authentic, even if that means experimenting with different styles, fabrics, or comfort levels.

 Don’t let your fatigue turn into self-judgment. Struggle doesn’t mean you’ve failed. So if it feels heavy, maybe Allah is inviting you to slow down and take care of your inner self before focusing on the outer. Hijab is an act of worship, not a measure of your entire faith. The hijab is one form of obedience among many prayer, kindness, honesty, forgiveness, compassion all are acts of worship. If someone struggles with one act, it doesn’t erase the goodness or faith they hold in other areas. So if you find hijab difficult, it’s okay to admit that. What matters is that you keep turning to Allah sincerely, not that you feel perfectly strong all the time.
 
Sometimes hijab feels heavy not because of the cloth, but because your emotional or spiritual state is drained. Try to reconnect with the meaning behind it not just the rule. Remind yourself that hijab is ultimately about modesty, dignity, and a personal connection with Allah not just community pressure. Do not rush to take off your Hijab, that decision is out of frustration or exhaustion. Take time, reflect and seek closeness to Allah through du‘a and Qur’an. Even if you’re unsure, keep talking to Allah , “Ya Allah, I’m confused. Please guide me with gentleness.” Whatever choice you make, remember , Allah’s door of mercy is never closed to you. His love is not conditional on one act of worship but on the sincerity of your heart.

Don’t make any big decisions while you feel emotionally heavy or mentally overwhelmed. Take a few days or even weeks just to rest spiritually. Focus on your heart, not your clothing. Do things that reconnect you to peace ,Qur’an, journaling, quiet walks, dua. Go back to your first intention. Ask yourself gently: Was it because of family, culture, faith, or love for Allah? What did hijab mean to me back then  and what do I want it to mean now? Try writing your thoughts in a journal. Sometimes our hearts reveal answers we don’t realize we have. Hijab is an important part of modesty, but it doesn’t represent your entire worth or faith. If you’re struggling, don’t distance yourself from prayer, Qur’an, or dua. Stay close to Allah even if you feel imperfect.

Faith grows through love and patience, not guilt. If you’re feeling restricted, try making hijab feel more you. Switch to lighter fabrics or looser wraps so it’s comfortable in heat or wind.
 
When your faith feels low, hijab will always feel harder. Feed your heart with gentle reminders: Listen to short tafseer or Islamic talks about Allah’s mercy.

Spend time with sisters who are kind, not judgmental. Iman doesn’t grow by force it grows by love. If you’re truly unsure what to do, perform Salat al-Istikharah and speak to Allah with honesty: O Allah, if continuing to wear hijab is best for my faith and peace, make it firm in my heart and easy for me. And if my heart is not ready, guide me gently and never distance me from You. Guidance unfolds slowly. You might not have full clarity immediately, and that’s okay. Keep making dua and reflecting.

No matter what, Allah’s mercy never leaves you.
 
Warm regards, 

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV” 

Salam sweet sister,

I want you to know that you are definitely not alone in this feeling. Many sisters, both young and old, are feel the same conflicting emotions that you are now. How long have you been feeling this way? Has there been something that triggered this feeling, or was it something that grew slowly but you didn’t deal with it when you began to notice? Having these feelings of wanting to remover your hijab don’t make you a horrible Muslim woman, it makes you human, my dear sister. I think every time, every generation and every person will have its own challenges some unique and others not. Thinking back to the time of the companions of the prophet (SAW), alcohol was extremely prevalent in society (just like today) and it wasn’t until towards the very end of the seerah that it became forbidden outright. A wisdom of this is that the people were not ready for that ruling yet. Their faith in Allah had to grow from a place of love and willful submission to Him.

In our generation today, we are living in a completely different world compared to our parents. As Muslim women there can be a huge push from society, beauty standards, social media, and even ourselves to look and act a certain way. It may look on the outside that these women are free, but going deeper it is anything but. Many women find themselves chasing trends and having to create this idealized version of themselves for others, and they lose who they really are in the process.

Remember my sister that our faith in Allah will sometimes be high and other times we may experience a slump. The most important thing is to remain consistent on your path towards Him. Take time to reflect on your feelings and what could potentially be some of the causes of them. Remind yourself too of why you decided to wear your hijab at 13 (mashaAllah!). Was this something that you decided to do on our own, or did you feel pressure from your family to? Whatever the reason was, remind yourself of your intention and renew your intention as well. We don’t stay stagnant in life but are either moving forwards or backwards. This requires us to constantly renew our intentions. Don’t worry if it isn’t the purest intention, you can always revisit and renew again. Don’t lose hope in Allah and also don’t lose hope in yourself. You’re reaching out and looking for advice which shows you really care about your relationship with Allah.

May Allah reward you sister for all of your efforts to do good and may He heal you from your struggles and difficulties.

All the Best,

Your Sister in Faith,

Peer Support Volunteer NL