Will I forever be this way ?
Note : The contents of this post discuss sexuality , identity , exploration , teenage feelings within Islam.
“Will I forever be this way” I often ask myself, a girl 17 years old with an attraction to other girls, and guys. I wasn’t always like this and I never always had these feelings it’s something that’s kinda just .. Happened. I didn’t know I was attracted to girls until I was. At first I ignored it. I thought everyone has these feelings and surely it must go away, until it didn’t. They only grew stronger and bolder and made me question my identity more.
I started to hate myself for these feelings that I could not control. Mainly because of the feelings themself but even more so because it’s not something I chose. It’s kind of ironic because I used to think that people who experience what I feel were causing it on themselves somehow or were immoral in a way until it happened to me. I found out quickly I was MISTAKEN.
I hid this from my family, friends and others and still am. I got desperate and reached out to some LGBT+ helplines because they seemed like the only people who would understand me and my differentness and not bat an eye or judge me or hate me or tell me I’m sinning. I wouldn’t necessarily say I fit in with them but I also don’t fit in with a lot of you guys and most people who are only opposite attracted. I think a big thing that stops people from reaching help in the community is 1: lack of recourses, we often just don’t have any options or know where to go or have access to help or even a listening ear or guidance. 2. Fear of judgement it can feel like you’re being judged even if you’re not and sometimes you may be. 3. Religious guilt, even though I felt uncomfortable at first connecting with an LGBT online support line it felt like the easier option.
The more I spoke to them the more I felt relieved and understood. However, there was a feeling I could not shake, a feeling of guilt and disgust with myself that a movement that I don’t support in general has become a lifeline for me and strong religious guilt.
I have so many questions raving though my mind! Is exploring sexuality/gender allowed even if it’s only to understand yourself better or find a community?, is there any support to help these feelings?, am I sinning by feeling this way?, will it go away will my sexuality change? , am I allowed to speak to non Muslims about this and lgbt+ counsellors or should I not associate with that community at all?, is it haram to mention in my chats to them that my religion prohibits it or is that me comparing about Islam or causing Fitnah ?, is it only permissible to speak to Muslims about this?, can I label myself and sexuality?, Can I even discuss this now or am I engaging in haram or lgbt? Did Allah make me this way is this a trail for me ? Or Shaytan deception am I only being deceived do I just like guys?
These are all my questions InshAllah they get answered not only for me but for many others who feel the same way and the silent battles they have. I think theses questions would make me feel less worried about trying to talk about this or seek help and not feel like I’m a terrible Muslim <3
Thank you for submitting your post to Stones to Bridges! We pray you will find the responses below beneficial. If you find these responses helpful, we’d love for you to share what you appreciated and how you feel it might help you moving forward in the comments section below!
Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Salam Dear Sister,
What you shared is so very honest. The tension and confusion between your feelings and faith sounds exhausting and stressful. From your account of what you’re going through, I hear that you care about your faith, values, and that you’re a conscientious and sincere person.
You shared having a flood of questions, thoughts, and judgments about yourself. Sometimes, we get caught in a battle with our own minds. We try to push feelings down or argue our thoughts away, but usually, that just makes everything stronger, bigger. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater: the harder you push, the more forcefully it snaps back up. So, instead of fighting that battle, know that you are the observer of your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. You are not your thoughts and feelings.
Think of these thoughts as advertisements and propaganda and your mind is a busy marketplace. Throughout the “marketplace,” you will hear compelling voices calling out, and messages will be thrust at you which may make you feel different things, but that doesn’t mean you have to buy the product or believe the slogans. You can see the “ad” as a passing image or a suggestion and still choose not to let it dictate your beliefs or identity. In Islam, we recognize that some of our thoughts are “waswasa,” which are persistent whisperings of the shaytan that try to pull us away from our peace. Recognizing waswasa can help us separate ourselves from believing those thoughts too. For example, if you get the thought, “I’m bad” or “It’s disgusting for me to have these feelings,” instead of believing them and going into a spiral, you observe, “I’m noticing a judging thought” or “This is waswasa.”
It’s also helpful to remember that every human being is given a unique set of tests. For some, the struggle might be with a predisposition toward anger or a battle with addiction. For others, it is the pull of sexual urges that conflict with their values. Having these predispositions or passing thoughts of attraction does not make you a “bad Muslim.” In Islam, we are not held accountable for the thoughts that cross our minds, but for the actions we choose to take. Your struggle and effort to stay true to your values while navigating these feelings is a profound act of devotion that is seen and honored by Allah (swt) who calls Himself the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful over and over again in the Qur’an. He is Al Wadud, The Most Loving, and He loves you.
You mentioned that reaching out to the LGBTQ hotlines gave you validation but left you with intense guilt. Perhaps that guilt is a quiet, honest messenger. It sounds like it’s reflecting a misalignment with your own deep value system. You described not fitting in fully anywhere. Confusion about identity often stems from the pressure to pick a side, but in Islam, our primary identity is as a servant of the Most Merciful. Perhaps you don’t have to box yourself by a label. You are a unique combination of strengths, tests, and blessings and are constantly growing. You can simply say to yourself, “I experience these feelings, but they don’t define me.”
While acting on these urges is not permitted, having passing thoughts is not a sin. You don’t have to carry this weight in total silence, fearing judgment. Finding a trusted person who shares your Islamic values can make the path feel much less lonely. Perhaps a Muslim counselor or a wise and compassionate family member, or a trusted Shaykha who could answer your Islamic questions.
You are not alone in this, and you are beloved by Allah (swt.) He sees your struggle, your intention, and every quiet effort you make. Praying you are blessed with ease, compassion, and upliftment.
Sending you heartfelt du’as,
Fatima “SA”
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2014/09/10/against-nature/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/04/06/am-i-lesbian/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2024/06/12/am-i-a-disbeliever-for-my-views-on-lgbt/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2018/12/24/need-advice-urgently/
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