Will I forever be this way ?

Salam Dear Sister,

What you shared is so very honest. The tension and confusion between your feelings and faith sounds exhausting and stressful. From your account of what you’re going through, I hear that you care about your faith, values, and that you’re a conscientious and sincere person.
You shared having a flood of questions, thoughts, and judgments about yourself. Sometimes, we get caught in a battle with our own minds. We try to push feelings down or argue our thoughts away, but usually, that just makes everything stronger, bigger. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater: the harder you push, the more forcefully it snaps back up. So, instead of fighting that battle, know that you are the observer of your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. You are not your thoughts and feelings. 

Think of these thoughts as advertisements and propaganda and your mind is a busy marketplace. Throughout the “marketplace,” you will hear compelling voices calling out, and messages will be thrust at you which may make you feel different things, but that doesn’t mean you have to buy the product or believe the slogans. You can see the “ad” as a passing image or a suggestion and still choose not to let it dictate your beliefs or identity. In Islam, we recognize that some of our thoughts are “waswasa,” which are persistent whisperings of the shaytan that try to pull us away from our peace. Recognizing waswasa can help us separate ourselves from believing those thoughts too. For example, if you get the thought, “I’m bad” or “It’s disgusting for me to have these feelings,” instead of believing them and going into a spiral, you observe, “I’m noticing a judging thought” or “This is waswasa.”

It’s also helpful to remember that every human being is given a unique set of tests. For some, the struggle might be with a predisposition toward anger or a battle with addiction. For others, it is the pull of sexual urges that conflict with their values. Having these predispositions or passing thoughts of attraction does not make you a “bad Muslim.” In Islam, we are not held accountable for the thoughts that cross our minds, but for the actions we choose to take. Your struggle and effort to stay true to your values while navigating these feelings is a profound act of devotion that is seen and honored by Allah (swt) who calls Himself the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful over and over again in the Qur’an. He is Al Wadud, The Most Loving, and He loves you.

You mentioned that reaching out to the LGBTQ hotlines gave you validation but left you with intense guilt. Perhaps that guilt is a quiet, honest messenger. It sounds like it’s reflecting a misalignment with your own deep value system. You described not fitting in fully anywhere. Confusion about identity often stems from the pressure to pick a side, but in Islam, our primary identity is as a servant of the Most Merciful. Perhaps you don’t have to box yourself by a label. You are a unique combination of strengths, tests, and blessings and are constantly growing. You can simply say to yourself, “I experience these feelings, but they don’t define me.”

While acting on these urges is not permitted, having passing thoughts is not a sin. You don’t have to carry this weight in total silence, fearing judgment. Finding a trusted person who shares your Islamic values can make the path feel much less lonely. Perhaps a Muslim counselor or a wise and compassionate family member, or a trusted Shaykha who could answer your Islamic questions. 

You are not alone in this, and you are beloved by Allah (swt.) He sees your struggle, your intention, and every quiet effort you make. Praying you are blessed with ease, compassion, and upliftment.

Sending you heartfelt du’as,

Fatima “SA”

Assalamualaikum dear Sister!!

What you’re describing is something a lot of people quietly struggle with, even if it looks very different on the outside. There are a few important truths that can sit together here without you having to force one “final answer” about yourself right now. First attraction is not something you consciously choose or turn on. For many people, it also isn’t something that stays perfectly fixed or obvious from childhood. It can feel like it appears, shifts, or becomes clearer over time especially during adolescence. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you’re becoming more aware of parts of yourself. Second having feelings you didn’t choose does not automatically make you a bad person or a “good or bad believer.” Feelings and actions are not the same thing. People are not held accountable for involuntary thoughts or attractions what matters is what a person chooses to do with them. But I also hear that this doesn’t fully remove your emotional guilt, because your struggle is emotional and identity-based. What you’re calling “will it go away?” is a very common hope when someone is confused or overwhelmed. For some people, attraction does shift over time; for many others it doesn’t fully disappear. The more important question is often not “can I force this away?” but how do I live without hating myself while I figure this out? Because self-hatred tends to deepen anxiety and confusion rather than clarify anything.


Exploring thoughts, understanding yourself, and talking safely with trusted people is not the same as acting on everything. Reflection is part of understanding yourself as a human being. Will it go away or am I going to change? There is no guaranteed answer. Some people experience fluidity; others don’t. Right now, you don’t need to lock yourself into a permanent label. Feelings themselves are not actions. But because this is sensitive and personal to your beliefs, it may help to speak with a compassionate, knowledgeable religious teacher who doesn’t shame you. Yes you can talk to safe, respectful counselors. It’s you trying to stay mentally well. You are allowed to seek help where it is actually available. You don’t need a label. Labels are tools, not obligations. You can simply say: I’m trying to understand my feelings. Different believers interpret inner experiences in different ways. But regardless of interpretation, what matters for your wellbeing is that fear and self-hatred are not healthy ways to relate to yourself or your faith. What stands out most in your message is not confusion about attraction it’s how harsh you are being toward yourself for having it. That internal conflict is what’s hurting you more than anything else right now. You don’t have to resolve your identity before you deserve peace. You don’t have to hate yourself while you’re figuring things out. And you don’t have to choose between faith and getting support.


Right now, there are a few things going on at the same time. You notice attraction toward both girls and boys. That realization felt unexpected and emotionally intense. You’re unsure what it means about you. You feel guilt, fear, and sometimes disgust toward yourself.
The feelings themselves are not commands. They are not decisions. They are information.You don’t have to immediately label them as this is my identity forever or this must be wrong and must disappear.A more stable middle ground is ,I’m noticing I have these feelings, and I’m still understanding them.That alone reduces pressure a lot.From what you wrote, your faith is clearly important to you. Faith is about intention, behavior, and striving.Thoughts and attractions that appear involuntarily are not the same as actions.Feeling confused does not mean you are rejecting your religion.Feeling guilt does not automatically mean you are doing something wrong it often means your values are very important to you.You don’t need to solve the theological debate alone right now. Many people speak with a trusted imam or scholar who is known to be compassionate, not fear-based.


You actually did something very important already ,you reached out for support. That is not a mistake that is coping.Now the key is who supports you and how it affects you emotionally.

A trained counselor or therapist (neutral, non-judgmental), a school counselor,mental health helpline,a trusted religious counselor who is calm, not shaming or a grounded adult you trust.Their job is not to define you. Their job is to help you feel stable. Everything will be fine soon. In Shaa Allah!!

Sincerely,

“Fatima MV”