My struggle

**Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem**
**Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh, dear brothers and sisters in Islam.**

I am writing this message with a heart full of pain, hoping that Allah will guide me and that I may receive sincere advice and du’a from this blessed community.

Allah says in the Qur’an:
*”Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear”* (Qur’an 2:286).
But wallahi, sometimes I feel like my heart is too heavy to carry all of this.

Last week Friday (17/04), I wrote my JAMB examination. After the exam, I was hopeful and wanted to check my result the next day. But to my shock, I discovered that all my SIM cards were missing. I searched everywhere in the house, turning everything upside down, but I could not find them.

At first, I suspected our house help because she had asked me the day before my exam if she could have one of my SIM cards. But when I asked her, she swore by Allah that she did not take it, and I believed her.

Then I turned to my younger sister. At first, she denied it completely. But later, after I promised her that I would forgive her and even give her my phone, she confessed. She said she had taken my phone to school, and when it started making noise, she removed the SIM cards and gave them to her friend to keep. Later, when she asked her friend for the SIM cards, the friend told her they had been swept away.

Hearing this broke me. Not only because of the loss, but because now I cannot even replace the SIM cards since I do not know who registered them. This has caused serious problems for me, especially regarding my JAMB result.

But the pain did not stop there.

When my parents found out, my mother became very angry with me. She called me hurtful names and said things that pierced my heart deeply. She even accused me of speaking harshly to her and slamming the door, which never happened. Wallahi, I remained silent and did not disrespect her.

Allah says in the Qur’an:
*”And speak to people good words”* (Qur’an 2:83).
I always try to follow this, especially with my parents, but I feel misunderstood.

This is not the first time I have faced this kind of treatment. My mother often insults me in front of my siblings and sometimes beats me. She makes painful statements and even says things like I will have disobedient children in the future. These words stay in my heart and do not leave me.

The Prophet ﷺ said:
*”The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand other Muslims are safe.”*
But I do not feel safe from hurtful words in my own home.

There was a day she asked me to cook jollof rice, but there was no oil in the house. When I informed her, she said if I cooked it, may Allah curse me. That day, I cried alone, asking Allah why my efforts are not seen.

Another time, she accused me of spoiling my siblings’ upbringing and even claimed I showed them inappropriate things. Wallahi, this is not true. I have never done such a thing. Yet she told my siblings to stay away from me, and my father believed her words. This broke my heart into pieces.

Allah says:
*”Indeed, Allah commands justice and good conduct…”* (Qur’an 16:90).
But I feel like justice is missing in my situation.

I am the eldest child, and I always try my best to obey and respect my parents. I hold my pain inside and try not to talk back, even when I am hurt. Meanwhile, my younger sister sometimes speaks back, yet she is treated differently. I do not understand why.

Many nights, I lock myself in my room and cry silently so no one will hear me. I feel alone, like I have no one to share my pain with except Allah.

The Prophet ﷺ said:
*”Whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient.”*
I am trying to be patient, but it is very difficult.

Sometimes, the pain becomes so overwhelming that dark thoughts come to my mind, but I immediately remember Allah and the Hereafter, and I stop myself. I fear Allah, and I do not want to displease Him.

Allah says:
*”Indeed, with hardship comes ease”* (Qur’an 94:6).
I am holding onto this verse, hoping that one day my situation will change.

Right now, I feel lost. I do not know what to do about the SIM card issue, and I do not know how to handle my family situation. My heart feels heavy, and I feel broken inside.

I am sincerely asking my dear brothers and sisters in Islam: please advise me. Please make du’a for me. Ask Allah to ease my hardship, soften my parents’ hearts, and bring peace into my home.

May Allah reward you all for listening to my story and for your sincere prayers.

**Jazakumullahu khairan.**

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