Follow up to “I am completely lost and don’t know what to do”
SO in my previous post I talked about how I like this girl alright, so yes the crying and everything, alhamudlilah allah did the impossible, turned out before the term ended a friend of mine talked to her for me, to just to know me better, the thing is in this modern day and age, ik “dating is haram” but being friends, by friends I mean friends please don’t twist this into saying bad intention or anything, numeber one allah knows me and number two i know myself, so please take it seriously when I say Alhamudliah i don’t have any bad intention and for the part where you guys commented about not making this short term right, IK it might sound stupid but this is the only person I have ever liked, i was actually the most like unliking person, I never thought that “love” would happen to me, but just another eminder please don’t say anything about intention please allah knows my intention is clear. SO I also wacthed videos and did my research, it is halal to be friends with a girl as long as everything remains halal, and if the max extent I am going, if you wanna call it that is playing sport thats it, like simply and jsut being friends until uni and all that, so yes i don’t come into this with the intention of wooow lemme just stay with her than someone else, i am not like that, the thing is i have never liked anyone before and tbh probably won’t later on too. PLease please be noted that my intention is clear, like i can’t emphasize it enough. Now alhamduliah the term started again, allah has helped me a lot, the liking is still there but this time alhamduliah I have patience too, I am not crying the whole day sitting staring endlessly, thinking about how I can be friends, or what I should do, alhamduliah all is truly the best of helpers, and yes by holidays also alahmuliah went well thanks to allah’s help. Now I have imense faith in allah that he will help me achieve this, I am now just making dua for guidance and help and i Know allah is al Qadir, he will help me nothing is impossible for him. Now guys please don’t comment anything about intention, you guys don’t know me please, if i say this i am genuine alhamduliah my intention from the very start is clear. But i do want help on deciding one thing, since I am being patient right and making dua, there is sport coming where we get to choose our sports, how do I know what the right option is so if i do sport no. one (what i normally do) let’s call it then she might be in it or I could do sport number 2 which she is currently doing and might do again for this upcoming season, how do i know what decison to make? The thing is that there is a way to switch from sport one to two, so I could possibly see if she comes to one if soo i coudld stay (where all my friends are too) if not then I guess ill have to venture into uncharted territory, but it could be that she chooses a completely different sport, in which ig its alr, maybe next time, alhamudlilah now that I have patience and not literaly on the verge of ending it 🙂 i can think more clearly, and take it in long term now, So i just want a bit of advice on duas i could make for help to achieve this and how should I make istikhara for the sport decision.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum brother!!
It’s really good to see that you’ve become more patient and emotionally stable. That matters more than the situation itself. When feelings are strong, the goal isn’t to get rid of them it’s to handle them without losing your balance, and you’re already doing that better now.
About the sports decision, try to separate two things what you feel and what is actually best for your life. Right now, your mind is naturally leaning toward choosing based on her. But a healthier way is if she wasn’t part of this, what would I choose? That answer usually shows you what’s genuinely right for you. If your usual sport gives you comfort, confidence, your friends and consistency then that has real value. Don’t leave something stable just for a possibility that you can’t control. You can always adjust later if things naturally align, but your starting point should be something solid.
About Istikhara keep it simple and don’t turn it into pressure. Pray, make your Dua, then choose calmly. After that, trust Allah and don’t keep going back and re-deciding. Overthinking after Istikhara often creates more confusion, not clarity. Also, one gentle thing to keep in mind (not about intention, but about reality). When you already like someone, even “just friendship” can slowly become emotionally deeper. So protect yourself by not overthinking every interaction, not depending on her attention, keeping your routine and priorities strong. This way, even if things don’t go how you expect, you stay okay. A very balanced mindset to keep is I’ll do what’s right for me, and if she’s meant to be part of it, it will happen naturally. And for your duas, Ask for what is best, even if it’s different from what you expect. Ask for peace in whatever outcome happens. Ask that your heart stays steady and not overwhelmed again. For example Ya Allah, guide me to what is best for me, and keep my heart content with whatever You choose.
You don’t need to figure everything out right now. You just need to take the next step in a way that keeps you grounded, respectful, and at peace. It’s good that you’re feeling more patient and settled now that’s already a big step. Liking someone, especially for the first time, can feel very intense, so it makes sense that you went through those emotions. About your decision, try not to base it only around her. Choose the sport that genuinely suits you where you feel comfortable, where you can grow, and where you’ll still feel okay even if she’s not there. If you start making decisions mainly around her, it can make things feel heavier again.
You can do Istikhara in a simple way pray two rak‘ah and then ask Allah to guide you to what is best for your deen, your life, and your future. Then make a decision and move forward without overthinking. Guidance often shows through ease and clarity over time, not necessarily a specific sign.
For your duas, you can keep them balanced. Ask Allah for what is best for you, not just what you want.
Ask for a good outcome if this is right for you.And also ask to be guided away if it’s not good for you.Something simple like
Ya Allah, if this is good for me, make it easy and bless it. If not, guide me to something better.
Set quiet boundaries. Even if you interact keep it light and respectful. Avoid deep or personal conversations. Don’t build emotional closeness. Because emotions don’t grow from big moments they grow from small repeated closeness. Notice when it’s increasing again. Watch for signs. Thinking about her constantly, mood depending on her, planning your day around her. When that happens Pull back slightly. Refocus on yourself.
You’re already in a better place now ,calmer, more patient, and thinking long-term. Keep that balance. Let things happen naturally instead of trying to control every detail. If it’s meant for you, it will come in a way that feels steady, not stressful. In Shaa Allah!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/romanticrelationships/
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