Addiction
I’m 14 male and I’ve been trying to stop masturbating for a while now but I can’t seem to stop
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum Brother,
What you’re describing is actually very common during adolescence. At your age, the body is going through a lot of changes, and it’s normal to experience strong urges and curiosity. Having these experiences does not mean something is wrong with you.
From what you’ve shared, it also sounds like this has become something you feel stuck in at times, especially when you’re bored, alone, using your phone, or at night. That pattern is important because it shows this is less about lack of control and more about a habit cycle your brain has learned.
Instead of focusing only on trying to force yourself to stop, we can focus on building awareness and creating small changes that give you more control over the situation. Noticing your triggers (like boredom, being alone, or late-night phone use). Changing your environment when urges show up (for example, leaving your room or being around others).Doing a physical activity when urges feel strong (walking, exercise, shower). Reducing situations where you are most likely to act on impulse (like lying in bed with your phone at night). Practicing self-compassion if it happens again, instead of guilt or self-criticism.
It’s also important to understand that setbacks do not mean failure. This is a process of learning self-regulation over time, not something you have to be perfect at immediately. If this is causing you a lot of distress or feels hard to manage on your own, you can continue to work on strategies that fit your routine and help you feel more in control. Focus on function, triggers and coping skills. Emphasize skill-building, not suppression. You’re not trying to be perfect , you’re learning self-control. That takes time, and you’re not alone in it. If you slip, don’t be hard on yourself. It’s part of learning control, not failure.
What matters is what you do next, not the mistake itself. Staying busy and physically active. Reducing late-night phone use. Avoiding being alone with triggering content. Getting enough sleep. Having a quick urge plan (walk, shower, exercise, texting a friend, gaming, going downstairs, etc.) If it ever starts feeling compulsive, interferes with daily life, school, sleep, faith, or mental health, talking to a trusted adult will be a better option. Everything will be fine.
In Shaa Allah.
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
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Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2026/04/25/i-honestly-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2026/03/09/masturbating-addiction/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/12/27/my-life-is-in-absolute-shambles/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2014/12/27/sinner/
habiba k
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Brother.
I want to start by saying how incredibly brave it is of you to reach out about this. It takes so much strength to open up instead of trying to carry it all on your own, and your willingness to be honest shows real maturity. Please know that you are not alone in this struggle. Many people your age deal with this same issue, especially because things like stress, curiosity, loneliness, and heavy emotions can feel so overwhelming and difficult to handle.
The fact that you are trying to make a change shows the goodness of your heart and your desire to do better, and that counts for so much. It is important to understand that change usually does not happen instantly. Many people think they have to become perfect right away, and when they fall back into the habit, they feel hopeless and stop trying, but real growth usually happens one day at a time.
What matters is that you keep trying, you learn what your triggers are, and you avoid letting anything make you believe improving is impossible. So, a trigger is something that increases the temptation to masturbate. For some people, triggers can be being alone too long, staying up late, scrolling on social media, watching certain videos, boredom, stress, loneliness, anxiety, or certain thoughts and fantasies. If you notice when you struggle the most, it can help you slowly start finding easier ways to handle things day by day. For example, if boredom is a trigger, staying busy can help, if late nights are difficult, putting your phone away earlier or going to sleep sooner may help, and if it is certain apps, then deleting and avoiding them can help.
Another thing that can help is having a plan for what you will do when the temptation shows up. Instead of just telling yourself not to do it, try replacing the habit with something else. Like getting up and going to a different room, going for a walk, doing some exercise, spending time with family, working on a hobby, reading, or doing something that keeps you busy. The temptation often becomes stronger when you sit with it for a long time, so changing what you are doing can make a big difference.
It also can help to create healthy routines. Getting enough sleep, staying active, keeping busy with school, sports, friends, or hobbies, and limiting time spent alone with a phone or other devices can all make the struggle easier to manage. The goal is not to focus on this struggle all the time, but to spend more time doing things that help you grow and enjoy life.
However, if this is causing you a lot of stress or feels too heavy to handle by yourself, remember you do not have to go through it alone. If you feel comfortable with it, it can really help to talk with a trusted adult, a school counselor, or a therapist. Therapists and Counselors talk to teenagers about these kinds of challenges all the time, and they are great at helping you understand what triggers these feelings and finding easier ways to deal with them. And please just know that asking for help takes a lot of courage. It is a sign of strength, and it does not mean there is something totally wrong with you.
Most importantly, remember that one difficult day does not erase all the progress you have made. If you have a setback, try not to think that you have failed and that there is no point in trying anymore. Instead, remind yourself that tomorrow is another opportunity to keep moving forward. The people who make progress are usually not the ones who never struggle; they are the ones who keep trying even after difficult days.
Also, please try not to be hard on yourself. Feeling bad when you do something wrong can help you want to improve, but always being hard on yourself can make you feel stuck and worse. Islam teaches that you should keep trying, be patient, ask for forgiveness, and have hope in Allah’s mercy. Every time you fall and sincerely try again, that effort still matters.
Try to focus on progress, and not on being perfect. At first, you might not stop completely, but you can reduce how often it happens, avoid things that trigger it, or bounce back quicker when it happens instead of feeling hopeless. And these are all signs that you are improving.
Every small effort you make matters more than it may feel right now. Even if progress feels slow, you are still moving forward each time you try, learn from what happened, and get back up again. Growth is not about never struggling, but about not giving up when things are hard. Please be patient with yourself, stay hopeful, and trust that your efforts will lead to real change one step at a time.
May Allah make it easy for you and grant you peace and strength.
Your Sister in Islam
Community Support Volunteer Habiba K
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Salaam brother,
I pray that you are well and find this comment helpful.
Quitting any addiction is a strenuous task and this is especially true of an addiction like masturbation. It is a quick way for the body to release some of that sexual energy but it comes at a great cost. There are many articles, videos, books…etc., that discuss the harm and I am sure you are aware of these harms. However, I assume that that is not the reason you decided to come to the site to write your post. You may find yourself exhausted at repeating the same cycle time and time again and are looking for a way to break the chains of addiction that are shackle you. It won’t be easy as the quote above mentions but it is worth it and you will be able to insha’Allah (God Willing).
A good place to start off is to ask yourself why do you want to stop this habit. Figure out your intention and motivation and it can help you to place yourself on steady ground. If you know the purpose behind why you want to quit, it can help to propel you forward when all you want to do is resume the habit.
Other things you can do is to surround yourself with people who are a positive influence on you. If you don’t have many people around you, try to change the things you listen to, watch, read…etc. A well-known saying is that you are what you eat, and this also rings true for the things we consume through our five senses (seeing, hearing….etc.,).
A gentle reminder to not overwhelm yourself with attempting to implement so many changes at once. The best actions one can do are those that are consistent, even if they may be small. Once you figure out your purpose and motivation for quitting, decide on what next steps are feasible for you to take. It could even be like only using your device in front of a family member.
Insha’Allah you will be able to get through my brother. Don’t lose hope!
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL