So I’ve had a porn/masturbating addiction probably since I was 12/13, I’ve realized a while back I shouldn’t be doing this, but here I am, 3 years later, still doing this, even in Ramadan whilst fasting I’m doing it, I’ve missed 8 days now just from masturbating and porn, I also haven’t properly prayed for like 3-4 years and I keep telling myself that I’ll first work on my mental, but It’s just never gotten better. I keep telling myself that I would stop but nothing ever came from it, I would love to be a actual good Muslim since for me being a Muslim is the absolute minimum a human should do to be “normal”. And I can’t even do that. I recently even told my parents about it but they think I’m having “wet dreams”, they don”t know what masturbating is so at the end I just felt super embarrassed about it, I wanna prioritize getting rid of my porn and masturbating addiction but I don’t know where to start, some people tell me to start praying but I can’t if I have to keep doing ghusl and me telling myself “I’ll work on my mental first”. I truly think that I’ve been one of the worst Muslims out there. At school I’m supposed to be the wonder child and I tell everyone stuff like “No i don’t masturbate” or “If you’re ever in trouble just pray” But I’m clearly lying to myself, I even lie to my parents about all of this and praying, which is the worst, It’s been like this for 4 years or so and I can’t deal with this, I need a actual way to stop myself from watching porn or masturbating like right now. I’m at the point where I even save videos for just incase the wifi goes out or something, I’m absolutely disgusted at what I am as a Muslim, I feel ashamed even calling myself a Muslim, but I want to be proud of that. Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum my brother,
First, I want to say: I hear your pain, your shame, and your sincere desire to turn things around. You’re not alone in struggling with this, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or a “bad Muslim.” Addiction, especially sexual addiction, is extremely difficult to manage, and the guilt you feel often makes it even harder to take the first steps. But change is possible, step by step. In Shaa Allah.
Right now, most of your energy goes into self-condemnation. Feeling like a “failure” for years has made it harder to act. You’re human, and addiction doesn’t define your faith or worth. Try to frame this as: “I have a problem I need to work on, just like anyone trying to improve themselves.”You don’t need to fix everything at once. Start with manageable goals. Remove the triggers. Delete saved videos, block adult sites, or install filters on your devices. Make it harder to access porn even for a moment of “just in case.”Create distance. Avoid being alone with your phone or laptop in private spaces where temptation is strongest. If you feel the urge, try to postpone for 10 minutes, then 20. Even small wins help rewire your brain. Engage in physical activity, reading Qura’n, dhikr, or something mentally absorbing when urges strike. Even if you’re struggling with ghusl or missing prayers, Islam values intention (niyyah) and gradual return. Start small with Salah: Begin with two prayers a day if five feels impossible. Even one prayer a day is a huge step. Trying to pray perfectly while caught in cycles of addiction can feel overwhelming. Make sincere dua: Ask Allah for strength to stop, even in your own words. Addiction is not a sin that Allah refuses to forgive. He loves sincere repentance. Prophet Muhammad (SAW)said: “Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” Keep busy with remembrance of Allah. Every small act counts. Recite short, powerful phrases like “Astaghfirullah” (I seek forgiveness) “Allah, help me resist this” “I will not let this control me” Even 5 seconds of focused dua can redirect your mind. Cold shower or splash cold water on your face. Quick exercise: push-ups, jumping jacks, or a short walk. These redirect physical energy away from sexual tension.
Address the mental health side. You’ve mentioned waiting to “work on your mental health first,” but these can go together: Therapy or counseling, Even one-on-one sessions can help address shame, triggers, and underlying trauma. Sexual addiction often has deeper emotional roots. Confide in someone you trust (a counselor, mentor, or Imam). You don’t have to tell everyone; just one supportive person helps. Online groups or programs for Muslim youth struggling with pornography can help; you’ll see others fighting the same battle, reducing shame and isolation. Track when urges happen, what triggers them, and how you feel. Awareness is key. Remember: relapse doesn’t mean failure. Stopping overnight is rare. Even a small period without porn or masturbation is progress. Reward yourself for small victories and forgive yourself when you slip. Intention matters. Allah knows your struggle, your sincerity, and your desire to improve. May Allah make things easier for you. Aameen!!
Warm regards, From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from an additional “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalaamu Alaikum Brother,
Although addiction recovery is not easy, the first step is being able to recognize that you have an addiction and that it is affecting your life. This step is the hardest and you have already accomplished it, so do not lose hope. Feelings of guilt, shame, and disgust are often associated with addiction and it is important to work through these feelings because they are not helpful in recovery. Self compassion, mercy and hope will be critical for healing and recovering from your addiction. A proper support system is also imperative in this process. Since your parents cannot help you, you can try turning to another trusted adult (coach, relative, teacher, imam etc). Most importantly, addiction recovery needs to include a mental health professional, especially when the addiction starts at an early age.
Any kind of behavioral change or addiction recovery should involve taking baby steps. Your brain has become accustomed to certain levels of dopamine and other endorphins making it extremely hard to avoid the addictio. And starting at an earlier age means you brain has developed (and is continuing to develop) on these heightened levels of endorphins, making it even harder to reduce cravings and avoiding relapse.
Fortunately, there is a way out of these addiction cycles. With the help of a mental health professional, you will be guided to a detox period, understand your triggers, cravings and relapses, undergo physical and emotional healing, establish a support system (which may include a support group), and find alternative sources of joy. You can also try engaging in aerobic exercises (weightlifting will only increase the amount of testosterone produced in your body which will also increase your sexual urges). And avoiding other sexually stimulating activities, environments, pictures, movies or people may help curb your desires. Keep a note of anything else (like stress) that may trigger your cravings. Alternative, healthy mechanisms can also help reduce cravings.
Some suggestions may include trying to reduce the number of times you view porn/masturbate on a weekly or daily basis while simultaneously increasing the number of activities that provide you with halaal means of endorphin stimulating activities. Such activities can include joining a sports team, playing basketball with friends, or just doing something else you really enjoy. Keeping yourself (meaningfully) occupied and channeling your creative energy towards other productive activities is key. If you struggle to find your passions or interests, consider relief or charity work. Also avoid being alone.
The good news is, you don’t have to be mentally healed before you can start working on your Islam. Turning to Allah from the very beginning by asking for His help, guiding you to the right resources and making this process easy for you is the best place to start. The more you lean on Allah the easier your addiction recovery will be and likewise the more you commit to your recovery the easier it will be to improve your Islam. These are mutually beneficial. Remind yourself that Allah is more merciful towards us than we can ever be. He is not disgusted by our sins and always waiting for us to reach out to Him in repentance. If a sin becomes a mean to get closer to Allah through repentance, than it has helped you become a better Muslim.
In sum, turn towards Allah in sincere repentance, ask for His help and guidance, and find a mental health professional who can guide you through the addiction recovery process. May Allah reward you for your struggle to live life on His path, May He guide you to the best resources and make your recovery process effective and successful, Ameen.
Your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima AH”
Response from an additional “Fatima Counselor”:
Dear Brother,
It takes immense bravery to reach out. These efforts to get help whether it was attempting to talk to your parents and feeling misunderstood or reaching out here and posting count big time. Allah (swt) sees every ounce of your suffering. There is a powerful Hadith Qudsi, “If he draws near to Me a handspan, I come close to him an arm’s length; and if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I come close to him a fathom’s length; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.” Every time you choose to fight an urge or seek help, you are taking that “handspan” step and actively migrating back toward your Creator, but it doesn’t stop there because Allah is promising that He is rushing eagerly toward you to help and accept you.
It is important to realize that the desires you feel are God-given. They are not inherently evil but actually designed to be used within the sacred boundary of marriage. However, your soul is currently “allergic” to the way you are expressing that desire. Just as your body gets sick if you eat something toxic, your heart feels “sick” with shame because it knows it was made for something higher. The shame you feel is a sign that your spiritual immune system is still working, not that you are “the worst Muslim.” You are a Muslim who repents and struggles.
Most of us hear things like you just need to will it and force yourself to quit, but the reality is that willpower is like a battery, and it will eventually run out. So, we want to create an environment that makes accessing pornography difficult and unsatisfying.
• First, make an intention and du’a. Tell Allah your heartfelt, visceral emotions like your anxieties, disgust, fear, hurt. Perhaps you want to say, “I feel weak and scared. Please heal my mind and heart. Help me overcome this so I can be closer to You.” • Remove cues that trigger pornography use. For example, avoid people, music, or devices that can cause the lapse. • Increase friction by making it physically hard to access porn. You may try installing high-level filters. You can keep your phone out of the bedroom at night, or delete social media apps like Instagram or TikTok that may serve as gateways into pornography use. • Make porn use unsatisfying by creating a cost for slipping. For example, you have to donate $20 to a charity or do 100 pushups. It has to be something painful for you so your brain associates the act with discomfort. • Replace the porn use with something productive. So, take that intense energy and put it into weightlifting, sprinting, or another support which helps to release built-up tension. You may even choose to do community service at your local masjid or volunteering at a food bank. This shifts the focus from self-gratification to giving. • Surround yourself with good company, and avoid being alone. Isolation is the oxygen of addiction but connection is the cure.
As a protection and strengthening of the heart, engage in constant dhikr (remembrance of Allah) throughout the day and night by saying “Astaghfirullah wa atubu ilayh” for repentance and “SubhanAllahi wa bihamdihi” to glorify Allah (swt). You don’t need wuddu to do dhikr. Undoubtedly dhikr is a cure, and scientific studies show that repetitive, meditative practices can strengthen the part of the brain responsible for impulse control. The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught that sins leave a dark spot on the heart, but seeking forgiveness polishes it. So keep polishing those spots away.
If you do slip, remember the hadith, “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.” So, immediately after a mistake, pray two rak’ahs, give charity, or help your mother. This breaks the “shame loop” and turns a moment of weakness into a springboard for getting back to At-Tawwab.
Allah’s Name At-Tawwab means the Accepter of Repentance and more specifically it means that Allah turns Himself toward us and He accepts whenever we return to Him. He doesn’t just forgive once, but He actually loves the process of you turning back to Him over and over. Sincere repentance followed by action to stop repeating the sin- even imperfect action- is a springboard that can actually bring you closer to Him than you were before the sin.
Lastly, you don’t have to handle this alone. Seek expert guidance and mentorship. Many Imams and Shaykhs have a compassionate understanding of pornography addiction. These scholars can provide clarity on how to handle slips and ways to move forward that are Islamically aligned and specific to your struggle, insha’Allah. Look into “Purify Your Gaze” which is a website to support Muslims in the recovery of unwanted sexually addictive behaviors. They offer individual coaching and support groups: https://purifyyourgaze.com/
Reach out to a mental health counselor who specializes in pornography addiction. They can teach and support you in practicing distress tolerance skills. So, when an urge hits, it feels like it will last forever, but it actually peaks then fades, just like a wave in the ocean. Distress tolerance skills help you survive that peak without giving in. There is also the TIPP Skill which physically resets your nervous system when an urge feels overwhelming:
• Temperature: Splash ice-cold water on your face or do wuddu • Intense exercise: Do 50 jumping jacks or a plank to burn off restless energy • Paced Breathing: Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4, out for 6 seconds • Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense your muscles in your arms, legs, abdomen, shoulders, and face hard for 5 seconds, then release.
Dear Brother, your heart is alive because it still wants to connect to Allah and desires to be better. That is a gift. Keep turning back to At-Tawwab and know that He is rushing to you with eagerness and love.
With heartfelt du’as,
Fatima “SA”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Salaam dear brother, First, I want to say that you are in a good place to start on your path to recovery. Recognizing that you have an addiction is the first step in healing. I also want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle. Many young Muslims are in the same position as you. In fact, we receive many posts from Muslims around the globe here on Stones to Bridges detailing their struggles with pornography and masturbation. Some of our more recent posts are about Muslims (male and female alike) struggling with overcoming this addiction. You are not the worst Muslim out there. You are a human who is struggling with something incredibly difficult. Every child of Adam sins and sins repeatedly. Allah knows your struggle and He sees any striving that you make towards Him, especially during this special time of Ramadan. When those feelings of guilt arise remind yourself of this hadith: “Whoever draws close to Me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to Me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to Me walking, I will come to him running. Whoever meets Me with enough sins to fill the earth, not associating any partners with Me, I will meet him with as much forgiveness.” Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2687 Your sins are not greater than Allah’s forgiveness, no matter how many times you’ve gone back to the same sin. Allah’s Love and Care is there and all we need to do is to try our best to turn back to him and take the steps in the right direction. Figuring out what your triggers are is important as two people can struggle with the same sin but the reason behind it can be different. Are you more inclined to watch pornography when you feel lonely, sad, bored…etc.? For each one there is a different action step to take. One thing that is commonly recommended is to keep oneself busy in beneficial activities. Another tip is to keep your phone and any devices that you can access pornography on in a separate room when going to sleep. Try to only use these devices in the presence of others. There are also a number of apps and websites that can be used to block and monitor your progress on abstaining from pornography. If you use Apple there is an app called Tawba: Quit Porn for Muslims and on Android they have Kahf Guard: Reels & Site Block.Here is the website version of Kahf Guard that you can download: https://kahfguard.com/#install. Part of this struggle is also psychological. In your moments where you feel the guilt wash over you and the intense negative self thoughts come to mind, try not to let it consume you. I know this can be harder in practice than theory. However, if you let the negative thoughts consume you it can lead to the point where a person might (naturally) become exhausted from the guilt and decide its not worth it to feel the guilt anymore. Then the path to Allah becomes more distant as the sin start to seem like its “not that bad”. This cognitive dissonance will discourage a stronger bond to develop between you and Allah. Remind yourself that you are human and like every other human on this earth you sin. With Allah’s help you can do this my brother. In these last few days and nights of Ramadan, don’t give up on making dua to Allah to help you overcome this. Allah responds to the call of any caller whenever he calls Him. You don’t need to be someone special, let the dua come from your heart. May Allah strengthen you to overcome this habit and allow you to be a healthier and happier version of yourself. All the Best, Your Sister in Faith, Peer Support Volunteer NL
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Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Brother.
My heart goes out to you as I read your words. It takes immense courage to express such a deep and challenging situation. But please know that you are not alone, many others face this same difficulty, and it is something you can absolutely overcome. The remorse you feel and your sincere desire to change are signs of a heart that is truly alive; that sensitivity is something very precious.
What you are dealing with is a behavioral pattern that many people struggle with. It often follows a cycle: a trigger, such as boredom, stress, being alone, or being up late at night, leads to an urge, which turns into action, and is then followed by a feeling of shame that pulls you right back to the next trigger. That sense of shame can keep the cycle going rather than stopping it. So instead of harboring harsh thoughts about yourself, try shifting your mindset to something kinder and more constructive, such as acknowledging that you made a mistake, but you are learning and working to change. That small shift in how you speak to yourself can make a deeper difference than you might expect.
You do not need to fix yourself first before you start praying. Even if you slip, even if you need to make ghusl again, you should still turn to prayer. You should not wait until you feel perfect, because none of us is faultless. Instead, begin small without putting pressure on yourself to be perfect. We are rewarded for our good intentions and for sincerely striving to do our best, even when we fall short along the way.
Removing easy access is critical to the healing process. So, I recommend completely deleting any saved videos, installing a blocker on your phone or laptop, and avoiding being alone with your devices late at night. If access remains easy and constant, willpower by itself is usually not enough, so changing your circumstances gives you a much stronger chance of breaking the cycle.
When the urge comes, avoid sitting and trying to fight it only in your mind, as that often makes it stronger. Instead, change your state by physically moving; try going into a room where there are other people, stepping outside for a walk, or doing some form of exercise. Urges rise and fall like waves, and when you engage your body, you give them the space to pass rather than getting stuck in them. It also helps to recognize when you are most vulnerable. Many people tend to fall into this habit late at night, when alone, or when bored. Being aware of these patterns allows you to take practical steps to protect yourself. Small changes during these moments, such as reading a book, engaging in a hobby, listening to an Islamic lecture or being around other people, can make a powerful difference.
I also would recommend that you consider some professional guidance. A therapist, especially one who is culturally sensitive, can provide you with additional support and strategies. Also, a therapist can help you identify any underlying issues that may be root causes of the situation you are dealing with.
Missing fasts can feel like a heavy burden, but a setback should not make you give up on yourself. Instead, refocus on sincere tawbah, resume your fasting, and trust in a gradual plan to make up the missed days.
Please know that not disclosing your challenges does not make you inauthentic. Navigating a private struggle while maintaining your daily life is a sign of how hard you are trying, not a lack of sincerity. It simply means that you are struggling privately while trying to live up to something better. So, focus on being honest with yourself and slowly reducing the gap between who you are and who you present to others. That gap will close overtime as you continue to improve.
Remember that you are never alone, Allah is The Most Compassionate and The Best of Helpers, so, keep making du’a for the help, strength and guidance you need to overcome this trial. And strive to perform dhikr; keeping the heart anchored in the remembrance of Allah serves as a shield against negative habits. Also, please keep in mind that healing is a journey, not a race. Focus on the steady, meaningful progress you are making rather than a total transformation in a single day. Set realistic goals and gradually work toward them.
And do be gentle with yourself. I can see how much it hurts to feel a certain disconnect from the faith, that pain shows how much it matters to you and that your heart cares. In truth, a person who slips and feels nothing is in a less desirable state than one who slips but feels regret, struggles, and sincerely wants to change. You are in that second group, and that is more important than you realize. It means your heart is still turning back, and that places you closer to Allah than you may even realize. A heart, such as yours, that feels pain and remorse is being gently guided even if right now the path feels somewhat difficult. With time, effort, patience, and perseverance, you will rise above this. You will overcome this, Insha Allah, and grow into the person you sincerely strive to be.
May Allah ease your path and grant you the strength you need and provide you with the comfort that comes with a deeper closeness to Him.
Your Sister in Islam
Peer Support Volunteer Habiba K
Habiba K
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Brother.
My heart goes out to you as I read your words. It takes immense courage to express such a deep and challenging situation. But please know that you are not alone, many others face this same difficulty, and it is something you can absolutely overcome. The remorse you feel and your sincere desire to change are signs of a heart that is truly alive; that sensitivity is something very precious.
What you are dealing with is a behavioral pattern that many people struggle with. It often follows a cycle: a trigger, such as boredom, stress, being alone, or being up late at night, leads to an urge, which turns into action, and is then followed by a feeling of shame that pulls you right back to the next trigger. That sense of shame can keep the cycle going rather than stopping it. So instead of harboring harsh thoughts about yourself, try shifting your mindset to something kinder and more constructive, such as acknowledging that you made a mistake, but you are learning and working to change. That small shift in how you speak to yourself can make a deeper difference than you might expect.
You do not need to fix yourself first before you start praying. Even if you slip, even if you need to make ghusl again, you should still turn to prayer. You should not wait until you feel perfect, because none of us is faultless. Instead, begin small without putting pressure on yourself to be perfect. We are rewarded for our good intentions and for sincerely striving to do our best, even when we fall short along the way.
Removing easy access is critical to the healing process. So, I recommend completely deleting any saved videos, installing a blocker on your phone or laptop, and avoiding being alone with your devices late at night. If access remains easy and constant, willpower by itself is usually not enough, so changing your circumstances gives you a much stronger chance of breaking the cycle.
When the urge comes, avoid sitting and trying to fight it only in your mind, as that often makes it stronger. Instead, change your state by physically moving; try going into a room where there are other people, stepping outside for a walk, or doing some form of exercise. Urges rise and fall like waves, and when you engage your body, you give them the space to pass rather than getting stuck in them. It also helps to recognize when you are most vulnerable. Many people tend to fall into this habit late at night, when alone, or when bored. Being aware of these patterns allows you to take practical steps to protect yourself. Small changes during these moments, such as reading a book, engaging in a hobby, listening to an Islamic lecture or being around other people, can make a powerful difference.
I also would recommend that you consider some professional guidance. A therapist, especially one who is culturally sensitive, can provide you with additional support and strategies. Also, a therapist can help you identify any underlying issues that may be root causes of the situation you are dealing with.
Missing fasts can feel like a heavy burden, but a setback should not make you give up on yourself. Instead, refocus on sincere tawbah, resume your fasting, and trust in a gradual plan to make up the missed days.
Please know that not disclosing your challenges does not make you inauthentic. Navigating a private struggle while maintaining your daily life is a sign of how hard you are trying, not a lack of sincerity. It simply means that you are struggling privately while trying to live up to something better. So, focus on being honest with yourself and slowly reducing the gap between who you are and who you present to others. That gap will close overtime as you continue to improve.
Remember that you are never alone, Allah is The Most Compassionate and The Best of Helpers, so, keep making du’a for the help, strength and guidance you need to overcome this trial. And strive to perform dhikr; keeping the heart anchored in the remembrance of Allah serves as a shield against negative habits. Also, please keep in mind that healing is a journey, not a race. Focus on the steady, meaningful progress you are making rather than a total transformation in a single day. Set realistic goals and gradually work toward them.
And do be gentle with yourself. I can see how much it hurts to feel a certain disconnect from the faith, that pain shows how much it matters to you and that your heart cares. In truth, a person who slips and feels nothing is in a less desirable state than one who slips but feels regret, struggles, and sincerely wants to change. You are in that second group, and that is more important than you realize. It means your heart is still turning back, and that places you closer to Allah than you may even realize. A heart, such as yours, that feels pain and remorse is being gently guided even if right now the path feels somewhat difficult. With time, effort, patience, and perseverance, you will rise above this. You will overcome this, Insha Allah, and grow into the person you sincerely strive to be.
May Allah ease your path and grant you the strength you need and provide you with the comfort that comes with a deeper closeness to Him.
Your Sister in Islam
Peer Support Volunteer Habiba K