“So glad that you were able to put yourself and your goals first over a man that wasn’t truly happy and satisfied with you”

Subhanallah, I feel like I am reading my own life story. Such a bizarre feeling, but I’m amazed at how so many Muslim girls go though this problematic situation when trying to find a good husband. I firmly believe that a man should take you as you are when he first meets you and not try to subtly change things about you by convincing you that you aren’t good enough or spiritual or religious enough yet. The sharp decline in a woman’s self worth is devastating to her future as a wife and mother, because it can make her put too much weight on her (potentially) husband’s influence on her. I am so glad that you were able to put yourself and your goals first over a man that wasn’t truly happy and satisfied with you as his future wife. While a woman’s dreams and aspirations are in a sense ‘worldly’, accomplishing those things can make us thankful to Allah and even increase our Iman.
I am still in your situation (trying to marry a man who doesn’t think I’m good enough yet and wants me to change everything about myself and dispose of all my academic and professional goals), my parents haven’t said no to him yet. Half of me is secretly hoping that things don’t work out because I could be such a happier person without him instead of always feeling inadequate. I pray that I can put myself first in the end, just as you did.