Anxiety, Depression

I have been married for the past 5 years, moved in with my husband 4 years ago. We have been living with his parents since the beginning. I was very young when I got married and wanted to do everything to make my husband happy. I still want to do that but I am struggling now. In the beginning, there were many problems due to living together with the in laws and I just wanted us to move out but his parents were already dealing with another 2 of the elders sons moving out with their wives (a lot of drama happened). So I did not want to put my husband in a difficult spot or hurt his parents. I tried several times after living for them for 2 years but my husband kept saying it is not possible as his parents might not be able to handle those feelings and also because he has to help his parents pay off the house (was on mortgage). Another year passed. Now my in-laws have also learned over the years and they are not bad at all. They do not interfere much or do any constant nagging. But the issues I had been dealing with is that my brother-in-law also lives in the same house. Being a hijabi, I have a lot of problems but no one understands that. It’s like when I go out of the house I obviously have to be covered, but when I’m in the house I still have to be covered and have to be cautious. Several times he has walked in on me without the hijab when I am working in the kitchen (he averts his eyes but it’s still gets very sad for me to be like that). its like I dont feel home and at ease when im at home. Now the younger brother in law (lets call him Omar) is getting married and moving out BUT the eldest one is moving back in for a year (they booked a new house which will be ready in a year so they want to stay here for that time to save more money). So for me im still stuck in the same position. The eldest brother (lets call him Hussain) and his wife have twin boys (4 years old). Now when they move in with us in a month, we’ll be sharing one bathroom! There are 4 rooms in the house, 1 room (master bedroom) my mother and father in law have it, 1 room my husband and I have it and the other 2 rooms will be for Hussain and his family. This constant Omar moving out talk and how to help him set up his place, his parents being cool with it is very very difficult for me. I am very happy for him and his wife to be but im sad for myself and its very diffcutlt for me. His parents are letting him move out because they dont want to be hurt later or have any fights and stress. Hussein and his family moving in is even tougher because they will mostly be in the living room with the kids and every time i have to go out of my room (to the washroom or kitchen to cook) I have to be fully covered. I feel like a prisoner. My husband and I are also trying for a baby but it freaks me out whenever I think of getting pregnant in this house. I havent been able to sleep properly at night, been crying alone at night, while im praying, or while anything I do. I try to control my emotions in front of others and hide it but I am struggling a lot. No one understand me and my struggle. I just dont know what to do. I do not want to hurt anyone or put my husband in a difficult spot but I am dying inside. Please help me.

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
As Salaam Alaikum Dear Sister, I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. It is definitely not OK to feel uncomfortable in your own home. I think it is wonderful that your parents-in-law are being so kind to you. However, having a good relationship with someone should not come at a cost of your own comfort or happiness.
Although you may not find this situation warrants seeing a therapist often, I do think it can be helpful to see someone for a little while, as you mentioned you are unable to sleep properly and often find yourself crying.
I think it is really important that you have a conversation with your husband regarding these thoughts and emotions. I know that can be a little scary and intimidating, however it sounds like you have a very strong relationship with your husband.
Try a couple things that can help you have this conversation.
1. Write down what you would like, so that when you have the conversation with your partner you are not compromising on your boundaries.
2. Also, it might be helpful to practice what you might say to your husband to help him understand what you are going through.
I pray you find peace and comfort in your life.

With love and duaas,

Your sister in Islam,

“Fatima SD”