Seeking Guidance and Support: Struggling with Abuse, Trauma, and Seeking Spiritual Healing (3)
I’m feeling incredibly lost. I know that life is an obligation towards Allah’s cause (fi sabilillah), but, oh God, the trials are so painful and burdensome. I can’t imagine living without being on His path, but honestly, I’m traumatized by the severe tests I face while on this path.
It’s not because of the choices I’ve made that I face these trials, but because I’m under immense pressure and threat. It’s not my fault, nor is it God’s. Those who maliciously target someone living peacefully and trying to get closer to God are at fault.
I’m terribly afraid of living righteously, doing the things I should, fulfilling my obligations, and finishing what I’ve started. I dare not take the wrong path, the path that angers Allah. But, obeying Him feels equally terrifying, fearful of the trials it brings.
Anonymous
Salaam sister, I am so heartbroken to hear about the pain, trauma, and trials you are facing. You sounds like an incredibly resilient and strong person. I do not know what you are going through but it sounds like there is some anxiety, maybe from certain people or some form of societal oppression, that is greatly challenging you.
We all must accept what we can and cannot control and at the end of the day we must live with ourselves and our choices. When I am faced with a difficult decision sometimes I think about what I am potentially losing out on by choosing what is easy/familiar instead of what is right. Like a muscle, the more we practice making these hard decisions, the easier they become. Always stay true to yourself and feel certain in your heart that in one way or another fighting for your integrity and Allah’s guidance are putting you on a path of success. I also recommend surrounding yourself with content such as books or little reminders that will remind you of what is important to you and inshAllah strengthen you.
Having said all this, please share your struggles with someone who can provide you with some feedback. Often we have blind spots and somebody else can provide insights we haven’t considered. Journaling can also help us open up to our blind spots sometimes. Making dua for you to be inshallah blessed always and find the utmost success!
Anonymous
Assalam Alaykum my dear sister, I cannot imagine what difficulties you are currently experiencing but I pray that Allah makes them easier for you. If you ever feel that it’s too much remember that Allah will not give you trials that are too hard for you to handle. Allah, He created you and knows exactly what it is you need. No matter if you are a Muslim or not, we all have struggles and trials in life, however, for a believer it is a win no matter what. Tests are a way we can look back and reflect on what it is that we need to improve on. Maybe there were times where our patience was tested and perhaps we didn’t handle the situation the best. Keep that in mind for the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, and allow it to help you push through. Remember, my sister, you have Allah on your side. Every step you take to get closer to him, is a success!
May Allah make all of your trials easy and bring you closer to Him in this life and in the next!