Wudu issues for Almost 2 Years
Assalaamu alaykum!
For almost two years I have been struggling with flatulence issues. It all started with, I’ll just call it a GI issue, and since then, my wudu has never been the same. Over time it caused much issues with gas. I still pray alhamdulillah, but it’s such a struggle that I don’t pray the sunnah anymore. I pray too fast in fear my wudu will break. It’s so bad that it now manifested into me constantly doubting how many rakaat I prayed. I consider it both a physical issue and now waswaas too. It is causing me great hardship. It’s like I can’t put my head down in sujood in peace. I feel robbed of my salah and sad. It feels so strange that there was a time where I could pray in peace, rakaat after rakaat. How many Friday prayers I have missed too because of this? SubhanAllah, on the day of Eid I was able to pray with minimal worry. I went to the masjid after so many months of not going and cried because it’s been so long. Days after Eid however, the issue returned. I went to the doctor a year ago and recently went back, but got the same advice to eat better and such. July I have a referral for a GI appointment but I feel like it won’t do much. I don’t know what to do and miss my salah immensely. Sometimes I’m certain my wudu breaks, other times I’m not. I really just miss how I used to pray.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Waalaykumussalaam warahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,
May Allah ease your pain and grant you healing in both your body and your heart. What you are experiencing is truly difficult, and I want to first affirm that your struggle is not unnoticed by Allah, He is fully aware of your hardship.
You are not alone in this. Many sincere worshippers face similar trials, where physical ailments mix with waswaas (whispers from Shaytaan), creating deep distress in worship. But there is hope and a way through this, In Shaa Allah.
Your grief over missing salah peacefully is a sign of lman, not failure. The tears you shed in the masjid were not in vain. Even in this struggle, you are being rewarded immensely, more than those who pray with ease. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim not even the prick he receives from a thorn but that Allah expiates some of his sins for it.”
Just you can do some daily practices
like : Keep a salah log: Write down how many rakaat you’ve prayed to avoid confusion. Use earbuds or light white noise to muffle internal sounds that trigger your doubt. Stick to light, non-gas-forming foods before salah.
Sometimes our hardest moments in worship carry the greatest weight with Allah. Every struggle you endure to make wudu, every painful raka’ah you complete despite worry it’s written, seen, and accepted, In Shaa Allah.
Even if your body trembles and your thoughts race, the moment you raise your hands and say “Allahu Akbar”, you are seen. You are heard. You are loved by the One who knows your exact struggle even when no one else does. This hardship in your salah is not a punishment it is your path to Jannah. Every time you choose to pray, despite the fear and doubt, you are planting light on your path to the Hereafter. Don’t underestimate your effort. Allah never does. You’re still showing up and that’s beautiful. Even now, in the midst of your struggle, you are earning rewards others may never taste , the reward of striving, of persistence, of loving Allah even when it’s hard. You may feel your prayer is broken, but to Allah, your effort is whole.
You may feel far, but He is closer to you than your own breath, closer in your tears, your sujood, and your sighs.
Remember: Allah does not look at your perfection, He looks at your sincerity, so hold on, dear. Your prayer is not lost. It is reaching the heavens….
Warm Regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from an additional “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalaamu Alaikum,
Your desire to connect with Allah through salah and your love for the prayer is evident & beautiful. To have tasted the sweetness of ibadah and then to feel its loss due to a medical condition can be devastating. Alas, Allah is the Most Merciful and His Rahmah is illustrated in the Hadith of the Messenger of Allah (s). Sr. Sarah Sultan reminds us of two important hadith that is relevant to your situation. First, in terms of the waswasah and in matters of doubt, we default to what we know is certain. So if you know you made wudu but have doubt about breaking your wudu than you accept that your wudu is still valid. Second, when it is a matter of a medical issue, then even if you are certain your wudu is broken (mid-salah) you ignore it and continue your salah as usual. If you wish to refresh your wudu in your next salah that is better for you, but do not worry about doing so mid prayer. It is even permissible to combine your prayers so that you are not burdened with having to make wudu if for example, the medical issues is worse in some parts of the days and better in others. InshaAllah, every hardship and struggle you face in efforts to please Allah will be a source of good deeds and rewarded with Jannah.
I would recommend that in your specific situation, you should discuss your struggles with an Islamic scholar to help you determine the best course of action. Once you have done your research and taken advice from trusted scholars, you can feel certain about adapting your ibadah to your situation so that you can regain the sukoon in your life and connection with Allah.
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima AH”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Walayakum assalam dear brother/sister,
I want to thank you for writing your post, especially since many people might shy away from asking about this. It is clear that you are someone who loves prayer and desires to become closer to Allah. This is such a beautiful feeling that not everyone gets to experience and despite your challenges with maintaining wudu, you fondly remember the days where you were able to pray with peace. I can imagine that this must be a very challenging thing to experience, as instead of being able to focus in prayer, you are having constant thoughts of whether your wudu is still intact. Fatima had said it beautifully in her post above when she stated that it is your intention that Allah is watching for. You are trying your best and it may seem difficult but don’t think that your efforts are going unnoticed. The One Who Hears, Sees and Knows all, hears your duas for help, sees the effort you are putting in and knows that you intend well and just want to be engaged in your prayer again.
May Allah alleviate you of this difficulty, count every one of the tears you shed for Him as a great reward and bless you with the ability to be fully engaged and present in your prayer, better than you were before.
All the best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Note from Admin: Stones to Bridges was founded on the premise of providing mental health support from the perspective of being Faith sensitive, not Faith-based, thus our official responses do not include guidance on Islamic legal rulings. However, the Stones to Bridges community members are happy to share resources or knowledge they have found beneficial in the Comments section of the posts, as those are their personal comments and not the official statements of the organization. For your reference, please see the STB Faith Sensitivity policy below.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wXQtu8Mu7pwE2wEYo3lyHGdLU03wp5y35qaJ86MHCkc/edit?usp=drivesdk
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2023/08/18/dealing-with-constant-pressure-in-religion/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2021/05/05/really-struggling-with-salat-and-wudu-think-i-have-ocd/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2023/10/17/really-need-help/
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Habiba K
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Sister.
I sense the pain and sincerity in your words, and my heart goes out to you. It can be very challenging and distressing when a condition impacts a person’s spiritual and physical well-being. What you are experiencing is valid. It is completely understandable to feel sad and grieve the loss of peace you once had in your salah.
I would like to reassure you that you are not alone. Many go through tests that affect their prayer, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, and what you are experiencing is a real trial. But in that trial, your persistence, your continued striving to pray despite the difficulty, is beloved to Allah. Worshipping through struggle is a noble act of faith.
It is excellent that you have scheduled a GI appointment. Even if you are a bit skeptical, I would encourage you to please attend with an open mind. Sometimes it takes time to find the right diagnosis or management plan. On that note, I would like to share my own personal journey with you. I have a debilitating rare condition which took doctors four years to find a treatment plan that helps to manage my disease. During the period in which I waited, I also experienced an impact on my physical and spiritual life. But I knew I had to stand firm on the fact that healing and relief come from Allah and that, in time, He would guide my doctors to a resolution. So, please, I would like to encourage you to do the same. I know it is not easy but try to ignore any waswas and not allow it to take hold of you nor discourage you in any way. Do your best to maintain sabr and have faith in Allah and His plan. Always keep in mind that Allah tests those He loves, and trials are meant to bring us closer to Him. Often, they also are designed to prepare and take us to something bigger than ourselves that we never anticipated; I know because it happened to me.
As much as possible, I would suggest you consider shifting your focus from the physical concern to the spiritual meaning of prayer. Remind yourself that you are standing before Allah, and He knows your struggle. He is Merciful and understands your condition. Your experience on Eid was powerful. You cried because your soul remembers what it is like to stand in front of your Lord in peace; what a beautiful, poignant and inspiring testimonial! So, with that in mind, I would say to try to go to Masjid when you feel able, even if it is just for one prayer. The communal prayer and the atmosphere can be very uplifting. Additionally, you can engage in other forms of worship that are not directly impacted by your physical issue. Reading the Qur’an, making dhikr and listening to Islamic lectures can strengthen you and provide solace.
Furthermore, given your condition, I would recommend speaking to a local imam or scholar. They can provide advice regarding any edict on chronic ailments that may apply to you, as well as offer reassurance based on your specific situation.
Dear Sister, you are still praying. You are still crying to Allah. You are still yearning to feel His closeness. That means you are winning, even if it does not feel like it. The mercy of Allah is wider than any hardship. And the prayers you miss because of your condition are not wasted. Allah knows. Always remember that your situation is merely a test, and a means for you to earn immense reward for your patience and perseverance. So, do not despair, keep making du’a, keep seeking medical help and rest in the assurance of the love and special place that you have with Allah.
Insha Allah, a brighter tomorrow awaits, and everything will turn out for the best. I pray that Allah make it easy for you and grant you complete shifa. May He soon return you to your salah with peace, comfort, and joy.
Your Sister in Islam
Peer Support Volunteer Habiba K