Physical and mental abuse from my father
I a 20 year old male am tortured by my father mentally and physically. My father ever since i was a child never really supported me with my decisions very much if it’s not to his liking then I’m in the wrong even if I’m not doing anything bad. I was not a very bright student and it was mostly my fault and because of it my father made me feel pressured a lot sometimes he even beat me. Once i came from my private tution my teacher also came she complained to my parents i was not studying i was very distracted and all when my teacher left my father was furious with me and he dragged me to my room and beat me and locked me in for few hours after a while my mother came in and clamed me. My father and mother both worked at a company until my father was kicked out of the company in 2020 i was in 6th or 7th grade on that year i did very poorly in my school and when my father heard about my results he leactured me for quite sometime during this he said that he was fired from his job because of me . He said that i was unlucky for him every bad thing happens to him because i am unlucky. As i said before i wasn’t a bright student i failed my boards a year back when the result of my board exam came i couldn’t face my parents especially my father because i was afraid what he would say or do to me but even if i didn’t tell he would know one way or another. After the results came out i told my mother via phone call as she was in office and i was out of my house my mother hearing the news was a upset and angry but she told me to clam myself down and to go home get fresh and i went home. When i arrived home my father opened the door was furious at me because i failed my boards he dragged me to my room and started beating me eventually i started to cry . After sometime he stopped and went to his room and didn’t talked to me for a while. And today now i am in college i was running a bit late so i asked my father to serve the breakfast for me so i can take it and go out for college. He did as i requested and he came in my room with the breakfast in hand i told my father to take back the plate to the dining table because there was no place in my room for him to place the plate. (and to let you know till now i didn’t even touched the plate) When he heard me say that he went back and accidentally dropped the plate close to the dining table so i rushed to check what happened after i heard the noise and saw that he dropped the plate. Before I could say anything he balmed it on me that he dropped the plate because of me. I was just flabbergasted why he balmed it on me when i didn’t even touched the plate. He said that when i saw him coming in my room with the plate why i didn’t take the plate from him for that reason he accidentally dropped the plate and breakfast prepared for me was ruined. When i heard this accusation i got angry and talked back because i had nothing to do with it he didn’t liked the oart i talked back and name calling me this and that at the heat of the moment i said something by the front door of the house while going out to college and he held my coller and dragged me and shoved me to my room and went to the other room and came back with a big stick because he wanted to beat me with it and said that he would kill me today but he didn’t beat me today maybe because he saw me so afraid and he didn’t let me go yo college today. I don’t want to endure this anymore and i don’t even know what to do anymore
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalaamu Alaikum Brother,
It is an extremely difficult situation to be physically and mentally abused by your own father. Be assured that none of the abuse is or ever has been your fault. It is parents’ job to provide a safe and stable environment for their children. It is their job to regulate their own emotions and manage their anger no matter what their child does. It is NEVER ok to hit a child or adult child and it is never ok to emotionally abuse them either. You deserve to be protected, loved and feel safety no matter if your grades are high or low, if you study or not. You deserve love and protection because Allah chose you to be on this earth and it is their responsibility to take care of this gift from Allah no matter what.
I know it is difficult to escape this environment or change your fathers abusive tendencies, but you need support in any way you can get it especially because he is threatening to kill you. If you have a relative or friend, you can reach out to or stay with when you feel unsafe that would be a great option. Since you are now an adult, work towards gaining financial independence. Find a job and save as much as you can until you have enough to move out, especially if you have no other support or protection. Calling the appropriate authorities would also be an option when you feel unsafe. Many universities offer free counseling or therapy. Reach out to your university and see if you can have access to these services. A counselor can help you heal from the trauma that you have experienced and guide you in the best way to stay safe inshaAllah. May Allah protect you and give you the strength to advocate for yourself and find a safe and healthy environment. May Allah soften the heart of your father, eliminate his anger and make him a healthy parent for you Ameen.
Your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima AH”
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Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/harm-mistreatment-by-parents/
