I am in the dark, on a swamp and a road with no front or back.
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Assalamu Alaikum,
I am writing this with a heavy heart, seeking both spiritual and psychological counseling because I feel completely lost and overwhelmed. I am 25 years old, the youngest in my family. My family consists of my elderly mother, my sister, two young nephews, and myself. My father passed away three years ago, and after his death, my paternal uncle took away the house that my father had given us while he was alive. Currently, we live in an old, broken-down house that desperately needs renovation.
Most of my peers and friends are already married and starting their own lives. In my case, a girl I loved deeply for over two years left me a while ago. On top of this emotional pain, I am currently facing a debt of $2,000. My family expects me to renovate our home and get married soon. My mother is elderly, and we urgently need a daughter-in-law in the house to care for her. I have made promises to my mother to build a good life for us and make her proud, and I have dreams of starting my own small business.
However, for about four years now, it feels as though all my paths are completely blocked. Life seems to get harder and harder every single day. I work constantly, but my salary is barely enough to survive and is highly unsatisfying. I pray to Allah every single day, I cry, I beg, and I plead for a way out, but I feel like no answer is coming. I feel trapped in absolute darkness, asking Allah for a sign or a path, but seeing none.
I am losing faith in my own abilities. I feel like I am failing, and that I will never be able to achieve my goals or provide for my family. I am reaching out to you for guidance, comfort, and practical advice on how to survive this mental, financial, and emotional trial without losing my faith and sanity. Please help me see the light.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Waalaikumussalam WaRahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
When I read your message, I do not see a man whose life is falling apart. I see a man who is carrying grief, responsibility, and expectations far beyond what most 25-year-olds carry. You lost your father at a young age. The person who would normally help you shoulder these burdens is no longer here. Since then, it sounds as though you have unconsciously tried to become the protector, provider, problem-solver, and emotional support for everyone around you. That is a good intention, but it can also become crushing and exhausting. Stop treating yourself like a machine.
Many young men believe they must solve every problem before they deserve peace. This is not true…You do not need to renovate the entire house this year; Pay off all debt immediately; Start a successful business right away; Get married immediately; Make everyone happy at once. Allah does not ask you to control outcomes. He asks you to make sincere effort. Be careful of comparing yourself. One of the biggest sources of pain in your situation is comparison.
You see friends getting married. You see people building homes. You see others appearing successful. But you are comparing your private struggles to their public successes. Some of those married friends may be drowning in debt. Some may be unhappy. Some may be struggling with problems they never share. Your journey is different. The heartbreak may still be affecting you.
Allah says:
“Indeed, with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an 94:5-6)
Notice that Allah did not say hardship will never come. Rather, He promised that ease exists alongside hardship. Many of the Prophets experienced long periods where every door appeared closed. A delay is not a rejection. Sometimes when we make du’a’’, we expect Allah to change our circumstances immediately. Yet Allah may instead be building patience, resilience, wisdom, or preparing something that is not yet visible.
You mentioned a woman you loved for over two years who left. Many men try to move on by pretending they are fine. But heartbreak often leaves behind. Self-doubt, fear of the future, loss of motivation and feelings of worthlessness. If you have not fully grieved that loss, part of your exhaustion may come from carrying that pain silently. Allow yourself to accept: “What Allah took from me was not meant for me.” If she was written for you, no force on earth could have taken her away. If she was not written for you, no force on earth could have kept her. Trust Allah’s decree, even when it hurts.
You love your mother deeply, and that is beautiful. But your mother’s hopes are not the same as your obligations. You should honor her, care for her, and support her. But if she wants house renovations, marriage soon, a better financial situation. Those are wishes, not deadlines. Do not punish yourself every day because you have not yet achieved them. A different way to view your situation, instead of saying: “My life is blocked.” Think, what is Allah teaching me during this waiting period? It would be patience, reliance on Him, humility, financial discipline and emotional strength. Some lessons take years to develop. Build hope through action. Action creates hope. Every day, apply for one opportunity. Learn one skill. Save a small amount. Read a page of Qur’an. Exercise for 20 minutes. Small actions done consistently are more powerful than occasional bursts of effort.
Many people think ,when I earn more money, then I will feel secure. But security comes from Allah, not from a number. There are wealthy people who are anxious every day. And there are people with very little who sleep peacefully because they trust Allah.
Continue making du’a’’, but also ask Allah:
“Ya Allah, grant me contentment while I work toward improvement.
“If your father could speak to you. Imagine your father looking at you today. Would he say ,you are a failure? Or would he see a son who stayed with his mother, continued working despite hardship, kept praying despite disappointment, and continued trying despite setbacks…I think many fathers would be proud of a son who refused to give up under such pressure.
Pray every salah on time. Read at least one page of Qur’an daily. Write down three blessings every night. Make this du’a’ frequently:
“Hizballah wa ni’mal wakeel”
“Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs.”
You may not see your entire future today. And with Allah’s help, one step taken consistently can completely change a life over the next few years.
May Allah open doors for you that you cannot currently imagine, place barakah in your income, heal your heart, protect your mother, remove your debt, and replace your hardship with ease and tranquility. Ameen!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
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