Assalamualaikum, I’m a 23 year old woman, and I’m in need of some advice. I’m at a crossroads in regards to what to do in my life right now. I’m applying for Master’s. I want to go study in Malaysia, my parents support me, but they also asked me to apply to a university where we currently live (Qatar). I was doing my bachelors in Canada, and I only moved back home recently. Being away made me realize a few things. I love my family dearly, I missed them a lot of the time too, but I also enjoyed being independent, and just living my life on my own. My parents aren’t extreme like how some other parents can be. My dad doesn’t mind me studying abroad, he told me he doesn’t care what people say or think and he just wants me to be happy. I am eternally grateful to have parents who believe in me and my dreams.
I’ve always been the kind of person, the kind of daughter, to do whatever they ask. I want to please them, I want to make things easier for them. I just learned that I got into the university I applied to here in Qatar (the process was really easy). Whereas, for the university in Malaysia, I’m still a bit stuck in the process. To sum it up, I applied to both a clinical psych program and a counseling program. Since it’s an Australian university (and they just started offering the clinical program) they have this rule that your BA degree has to be accredited by the australian psych association. My dad and I decided that we would do the accreditation (even though it costs a lot of money) because he suggested, if I go to another country, I might as well do clinical (fyi the program in qatar is a counseling one). The whole accreditation process itself takes 12 weeks (so around 3 months) and once they give their decision only then can my application be reviewed. Then I’d be invited for an interview before a decision can be made. If I wanted to make things easier, I could forget about the clinical and just go for the counseling (because they don’t require the accreditation or anything) and I’d get an answer pretty soon, as to whether or not I’m accepted.
I’m explaining all this to show you why I’m conflicted. Now that I got accepted into the university in Qatar, if they offer some sort of scholarship, then I’d have to take it. I know how tough it’s been for my dad, financially, for the past few years. I don’t want to make things harder on him. But for two years now, my heart has been set on Malaysia. For some reason I’m drawn to it. I visited my brother there when he was doing an exchange year, and I honestly was quite happy there. I feel like I could maybe build a life of my own there, and have a normal uni life. My bachelors was a bit messy because my first year was online due to covid, and then i went to a uni in toronto but then transferred to a uni in ottawa since my brother was starting his degree there. I feel like doing something for myself, making my own decision, for my life. Like I said, my parents are understanding, but I’m not sure what decision to make. Is “what my heart tells me” solely enough of a reason to reject this qatari university? Just because I want to have fun and travel and explore and meet new people? My mom says that when something is meant for you, Allah makes it easier, he opens doors. But just because something is easier, does it always mean that this is right for you? I’m not making any decisions yet, because I don’t even know if they will offer any kind of scholarship, but I’m starting to just think about what I’ll do if they do offer me something. The thought even crossed my mind “should i lie and say i did not get an offer?” I hate the thought of that. I have prayed istikhara, just asking Allah to guide me to whatever path is right for me. On the one hand, he made this Qatari university easy to get into, but on the other, I still feel like I WANT to go to malaysia and study there. It’s like I’m conflicted between what’s rational and what I feel like I want. Living away from your parents and then moving back in feels so weird. It feels like I’m a teenager again lol. Honestly tho, even if i go to malaysia it wouldnt be so bad, i mean a masters degree only takes two years, and i can move back when im done. I’d like your opinion though, it’d be great to hear from an outside perspective!
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Waalaikumussalam varahmathullahivabarakathuhu!!
First of all, the way you’re thinking this through with honesty, gratitude toward your parents, and turning to Allah is already a very strong sign you’re approaching this in the right way. You’re not being impulsive; you’re being thoughtful and sincere. I’m really glad you shared all of this. You’re not confused because you’re weak but you’re confused because you’re trying to do right by everyone; your parents, your future, your Deen, and yourself. That’s not easy.
You asked: Is following my heart enough… or is it just about fun and travel? This is not about fun. Because your feeling is“I want to grow into who I am”. That is growth, not selfishness. You are not choosing between right and wrong. Both options are good.But the real question is: Which good do I choose. Sometimes, Allah makes something easy because it’s good for you. Sometimes Allah makes something harder because it will grow you. Ease is a sign, not a final answer.
What you’re really choosing between is not simply Qatar and Malaysia, but between two different kinds of good. On one side, Qatar offers stability, closeness to your family, and possibly financial ease, especially if a scholarship comes through. On the other side, Malaysia represents independence, personal growth, and the opportunity to build a life on your own terms, along with the possibility of pursuing clinical psychology, which could open more doors for you in the future. Your desire to go to Malaysia is not just about having fun or traveling it reflects a deeper need to grow, to experience adulthood fully, and to make a decision for yourself after always trying to please others. At the same time, your concern for your father’s financial situation shows your maturity and love for your family, and that is something to be honored, not ignored.
In Islam, the idea that “what is meant for you will be made easy” is true, but ease alone is not always the deciding factor. Sometimes Allah opens a path easily as a mercy, and sometimes He allows a path to require more effort because there is growth in it. In your case, both paths are still open Qatar came easily, but Malaysia has not been closed to you, only delayed. That means you are being given a real choice, not being pushed in only one direction. The most important thing now is to balance your heart with responsibility. If going to Malaysia is financially manageable for your family, even if it requires some effort, then choosing it is not selfish it is a valid and mature decision that supports both your personal and professional growth. However, if it would place a heavy burden on your father, then choosing Qatar becomes a meaningful act of care and sacrifice, not a loss.
You also mentioned the thought of lying about your acceptance, and the fact that it bothered you is very important. It shows that your heart is aligned with honesty. A decision like this needs to be made in the open, with trust, because it’s not just about where you study it’s about the kind of person you continue to become. You don’t need to hide your desire. You can express it respectfully, while still being open to discussion and compromise. That is what adulthood looks like: not rebellion, and not silent obedience, but honest communication.
In the end, you are not choosing between right and wrong you are choosing between two different forms of good. One is rooted in stability, family closeness, and ease. The other is rooted in growth, independence, and long-term expansion. Both can lead to success, and both can carry blessings if your intention is sincere. The clarity you’re looking for won’t come from eliminating one option completely it will come from accepting that each path has a cost, and asking yourself which cost you are more at peace carrying. When you imagine yourself five years from now, which choice feels more aligned with who you want to become not just what feels comfortable today.
Take your time, gather the practical information you need, and keep your heart connected to Allah through dua and Istikhara. Trust that as long as you are sincere, thoughtful, and honest, you will not be led to something that is bad for you. Sometimes the “right” decision is not obvious because both paths are good and your role is simply to choose one with conviction and move forward without regret . In Shaa Allah!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Walaykum assalam, dear sister,
You applied to a clinical psychology program and a counselling program in Malaysia, but your family asked you to apply to a university where you live, although your heart is set on studying in Malaysia. It is great to read that you are doing your best in trusting in Allah (praying istikarah) and tying your camel. By tying your camel, you are researching and asking your family.
Since you have already lived independently, you are well-positioned to make the decision about where you wish to continue your studies. You have experience living alone, and how you felt during that time. You realised, while studying in Canada, that you missed the company of your family. It seems from your post that you have a brother in Malaysia. If you decide to study in Malaysia, you would have a family member there; however, it wouldn’t be the same as your family in Qatar.
If you haven’t already, try listing down some things you felt while you lived alone and the things you learned about yourself. In a separate list, you could write down the pros and cons of studying in Qatar, and in a separate list, you can write the pros and cons of studying in Malaysia. You could compare the list of what you’ve learned while living on your own in Canada with the pros and cons of studying in either Qatar or Malaysia. This can give you a better idea of which place would best match your lived experience. Sometimes our hearts desire something, but it’s not always what is best for us. This exercise can help to get a more nuanced view.
Wishing you all the best in your academic journey. May Allah guide you always!
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
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Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
