I am completely lost and don’t know what to do
Alright so, I know this is a long story but please i need help, i am honestly doubting coming here, but this is sort of a last resort option, i genuinely don’t know what to do.
here is the story (some typos may be within):
So 2 months ago, I was playing capture the flag, where this girl comes out of nowhere, she asks me my name, i didn’t tell her my name i saiI said my name was faaiq even though it wasn’t, then this kid comes who is my friend he says he Furqan (my actual name) and then she says Ur name is Furqan or somth. After that while playing I ran back to my base and then later her friend came to me and said that she likes you. I just said what. And she left. The reason I know it is true is because she wasn’t in the capture the flag, I think she got shy as soon as her friend said ohh I am going to tell him or somth, because even when her friend told me she want there. Alr so after that the next day she came and said hi to me and I said hey its you In a happy way. Then the next day she comes and says hi again and I say hi back. The thing was that I am not into girls that much but she matched me she was Muslim and Pakistani. She was also chill to talk to so I started liking her but since I am Muslim I can’t be bf or gf with her only friends. So after that day I knew I had to continue the convo so the next time she came by I was going to continue and talk with her but she didn’t say hi. I just got confused now, but I knew I will now have to start a convo. So I started gaining confidence for it, but missed the limited days as in 2 days the school holidays begun which were like 2 months ish. So yes the holidays begun, I was stressed throughout because I liked her but I didnt talk to her idk my head was all over the place, I also hated my self for missing the opportunities of talking to her. But yes eventually I moved on in the holidays.
So no currently (this year school, after school holidays)
So school opens now I am in year 11 she is in 10 alr. So yes I start liking her again. This time I took the time to gain the confidence, I asked Allah for help and in my mind i was gonna ask a friend who is friends with her to tell me her name I made dua that morning and the exact thing happens she was talking to that exact person, it aligned perfectly so I asked him her name when she went away . So after that I gained confidence and actually talked to her I started with hey what Ur name, she said why and idk what said but she told me her name, zaheen, then I asked her if she remembered me from capture the flag she nodded with a smile hiding her teeth which I think is due to her having braces, maybe, because I am pretty sure she smiles with her teeth to other people then I asked are you Pakistani she said a quarter and then I was abt to say nice to meet you but she also asked me a question to my surprise she asked my name, I said Furqan, and said nice to meet you. Then we went out ways. So yes then I was really happy. So the next day I was walking around I saw her I was about to say hi but I felt low confidence so I started walking but I was kind of ahead so I don’t think it mattered, so yea, but one thing I noticed is that she stopped coming across my hangout area, but there was an explanation to that it was raining but maybe idk. So yea next day I saw here talking to someone I made eye contact but didn’t say hi because she was talking to someone plus I was alone and had low confidence. After that me and my friend Ryan went walking, he saw her and said U have to say hi, I was pressured and my heart beat shot because it was Soo suddenly but said alr alr. So we started walking while she was walking out way but suddenly she moved to the other side, Ryan said it was natural not on purpose, then he quickly said turn turn and he wanted to get me another chance but it seemed like we were following her at that point vut my mind was clogged so I just listened to him. When we saw her again it either that I think she was looking back and we made eye contact and I said hey how are you then instantly she looked towards and walked or i think it was that she looked back made eye contact and instantly as soon as she saw me she looked forward due to shyness, as I would do the same if I were her, then I said hey how are you when she had already looked forward and when I am stressed I speak really quiet, so there are two cases. After that I was pretty sad because in my mind I thought she dodged me, even though we didn’t even talk since the talk I had with her some days ago. So the next day I just made eye contact said nothing. But now to Monday so 2 days ago ish she was in the library i was with Nick, the person who is friends with her, he said she is in the library and I said bro stop. After that outta nowhere she comes out and says who was they guy U were talking to me abt to Nick and Nick points at me and says it’s him Furqan right here. She said oh/oh alr and walked away, but apparently when she left and me and Nick started talking she looked back. So after that my heart was swaying towards her randomly not warning to talk. But that got me thinking Nick has a habit of making jokes that go too far, he even made one abt her but since I knew him I knew he was lying, but I think he might have made a joke abt me to her idk it could be a possibility and also explain why she randomly could have dodged me or if it wasn’t a dodge them he probably didn’t but dont take this Nick making jokes thing to seriously focus more on the other parts and provide an insight with the Nick on a different subsection pls. Alr so after that yesterday. I was really sad, I didn’t even make eye contact, so I was in class I saw her go by in the window through my peripheral vision and I saw her look at me. And another time she started going across my hangout more often or back to normal and she went across two times both times she looked at me. This one time I stared to the distance and she thought I was looking at her so she looked at me. This showed me like she maybe wants to talk to my idk. Today she walked across a lot like a lot almost like she actually wanted to talk idk. I sat down with my friend she came and stood in front of the table we were sitting in and stayed there for a good 2 mins. And she also said hi to a guy I was talking too, I think she wanted me to notice her or somth.
that was reocunts i was righting so now the current events are that i said hi to her so i confirmed the nick thing and doging thing was not real.
Things i would like to add on:
so i was going to the liverpool ramadan night markets right and before that i thought of seeing her there, and i was happy. So yea i slept in the car becasue we were going at like 10pm, so when we arrived there, we prayed and came out, guess what, i see her there, so this shoke me to my core. subhanallah out of everywhere she could have been she came there, and i came there, at that specific time and even if we both were there, at that specific place and she was holding my fav desert. Like subahanallah.
one more thing so when this dodging thing happened, which is now settled hence i said hi and she said hi back and turned around again and said somth i don’t remember, but keep this in mind as it will come up later to explain what i think is the thing to do next. So yea i had this sadness whihc turned into silence, i didn’t talk much or anything but then outta nowhere it was like allah re opened the door for me, she showed multiple signs of wanting to talk, that lead me to making dua and asking allahs help and when i least expected it I talked to her, it was a rainny day and she usually doesn’t go by on rainny days and i had some intetnion of talking but not much hope but allah made the moment as i walked she got up and walked my way and i just said it, i said hi.
so yea
Now i want you to know my intention is pure alhamdulilah i am a good practicing Muslim and Zaheen has only brang me closer to allah alhamdulilah, ive started praying thajjud and imporved my self with the help of allah imensely.
so now its been 2 weeks since i have said hi, i keep on seeing sings of her wanting to talk, she looked at me and looked at where i was looking and multiple more micro signs. But since its been 2 weeks since i said hi due to my lack of confidence idk what to do or what to say, there are only 3 days left to the term, time is ticking, I really want to atleast say hi or atleast somth before the term ends. But when ever she goes by i just freeze idk why.
Now i honestly don’t know what to do, i have asked allah for help, cried and cried. I know allah will help me but i am human, i see the days just running out. tmrw I will try to just make eye contact i guess to just show her that i want to talk but just shy.
Now please note: i just want to be friends for now, i have clear intention, alhamdullilah i am not into anything haram. i Just wanna be friends and get to know her. please pleasee support me and help me, what can i do like should i ask allah with full convition today and tmrw just be on guard with the hello and if the freeze comes maybe it wasn’t the right time to talk and in sha allah, allah can do the impossible, he can easily align a moment or even make a situation in whcih I talk, or he could do anything thats the point, what i can do is i should try to say hi if the freeze kicks in its alr. but please provide more help for me please, like i geniuenly need help.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Asalaamu alaykum Dear Brother,
You are experiencing butterflies, hyperawareness, and freezing up from nervousness which are all signs of having a living, beating heart as you’re experiencing a very human moment. At the same time, I can hear how much pleasing Allah (swt) matters to you. May Allah (swt) accept your sincerity and grant you clarity.
You’re having a storm of thoughts every time you come across your classmate and your mind is acting like a detective by paying attention to every micro-moment and gesture and analyzing it, “Did she do that on purpose?” “Does she want to/not want to talk?” “Is this dodging?” These thoughts feel urgent and like it’s the absolute truth, but thoughts are just thoughts. They come up especially when attraction is involved.
So, instead of asking yourself, “Does she want to talk to me?” ask yourself, “What kind of young man do I want to be in this situation?” This shifts the focus from reading someone else’s mind to acting from your value system. This is a place of substance and confidence.
When you described freezing, crying, and praying, I can imagine the agony and desperation that you are going through. When it comes to our emotions, allow these difficult feelings of longing, anxiety, and shyness to just be without fighting them, acting on them impulsively, or analyzing them. You can do this by naming your emotions and locating where you feel sensations in your body. For example, maybe you’re experiencing anxiety and you feel tightness in your chest and embarrassment as warmth in your cheeks. When we do these simple steps of naming your emotion and observing where you feel it in your body, the intensity of our emotions begin to soften and subside.
Once our emotions are acknowledged, the thinking part of our brain, which was hijacked by the emotional part before, comes back online. So, instead of us going into an anxiety spiral, we may be able to think from a more logical and principled place, insha’Allah, which means action based on integrity and confidence.
Before we talk about action, you shared that you “want to be friends…have good intentions” and “not anything haram.” In Islam, friendship between non-mahram boys and girls cannot be without intention, purpose or boundaries as that can be a slippery slope, and friendship can actually become a way to keep a relationship of attraction alive without accountability.
So, ask yourself the following: “If I value pleasing Allah (swt), what does that mean for how I interact with her?” Perhaps, it’s a simple greeting of ‘salam’ in a public setting. Or maybe it’s working on a group or community project together. Or maybe it’s an action of quiet dignity by lowering your gaze. Since you are in high school and probably not considering marriage at this time, you may find that making du’a and practicing trust in Allah as you are doing now is one of the most powerful actions. If she is meant for you, then Allah (swt) will bring it about at the right time and in the right way. If it still causes you deep distress, then perhaps it’s a sign to take a step back and focus on your personal growth for a while.
Sending you heartfelt du’as,
Fatima “SA”
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Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/08/25/i-dont-know-what-to-do/https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/05/25/pursuing-people/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2016/04/14/senior-prom/
Habiba K
Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Brother.
I completely understand where you are right now, and it is okay to feel this way. Having a crush is just a normal part of growing up, and it makes total sense why everything feels so intense and important at this time. There is nothing wrong with having these feelings, what really matters is how you choose to handle them. I sincerely admire the way you are approaching this. By choosing to keep things respectful and honorable, you are showing that you have a lot of respect for yourself, for her, and for your values. It takes a lot of maturity to put your character first like that.
It is great to see how much effort you are putting into your prayers and even waking up for tahajjud, that shows real sincerity.
The reason you freeze is partly because you are shy, but also because you have made this feel like a big, life-changing moment. When something feels too important, you become scared of messing it up. This is where trusting Allah helps because what is meant for you will happen, and what is not meant for you will not. So, try not to put so much pressure on yourself.
Seeing her at the Ramadan market felt special, and that is understandable, but try not to overthink it. Not every coincidence is a sign that something big has to happen. Sometimes these moments are just there to help you stay calm or check where your heart stands. It is better to make decisions based on clear thinking and good character instead of trying to figure out the meaning behind every little sign.
Right now, you seem a bit overwhelmed by your own thoughts. You are overthinking every look and feeling like time is running out. But this is not your only chance. If something is meant to be, it would not depend on one perfect conversation. She has talked to you before and seems curious, and she might just be shy, like you. However, I suggest that you try not to assume she has deep feelings for you. Furthermore, regarding Nick, try not to overthink it. Do not let it distract you or add unnecessary stress. Keeping things simple and ignoring extra drama will help you focus on what really matters.
I would like you to look at how much you have already grown through this. It has encouraged you to pray more and really think about the kind of person you want to be. Sometimes people enter our lives just to help us grow closer to Allah, even if they are not meant to stay forever. No matter what happens, you have already won because you are becoming a stronger, better version of yourself.
Try not to feel like you are on a deadline to make something happen before school ends. Putting that kind of pressure on yourself just makes everything feel much more stressful. Please kindly focus on being yourself and let things happen naturally.
May Allah guide you, make things easy for you, and always grant you what is best for you.
Your Sister in Islam
Peer Support Volunteer Habiba K
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Salaam dear brother,
From your post it sounds like you met a sister and that you would like to be friends with her but are nervous to fall into something haram with her. This is a very noble thing to feel and may Allah reward you for reaching out. Wanting to be friends with the opposite gender is a normal thing to feel and especially at the age that you are at.
If you are nervous about developing a connection with her, then this could be a sign that it might be best to avoid becoming friends. If you already have some feelings of interest in her it could make it much more difficult for you to remain friends. As Fatima as mentioned in her response. If Allah has written for the two of you to be together when you are older and are of marriage age then it will happen.
Since, as Muslims, we do not get too close with the opposite gender some might look at this as a form of inconvenience or difficulty. However when we think of it, our Loving and Caring Rabb is looking out for our best interest because He knows the pitfalls and dangers that can arise from such situations.
May Allah bless you my dear brother with the best of this life and the next.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL