Urgent: Deep emotional numbness, spiritual distress, and isolation
**To the Mental Health Professional / Psychologist,**
I am reaching out to you on behalf of a close friend age 19 and girl who is currently experiencing a severe psychological crisis. They are in a state of profound distress, and the situation has recently escalated and worsened significantly. They feel completely misunderstood by those around them, and I am deeply concerned for their safety and well-being.
Based exactly on what my friend has shared, here is the detailed breakdown of their current state of mind and experience, without omitting any detail:
### 1. Severe Emotional Numbness and “Locked” Heart
* **Loss of Feeling:** My friend states that they have completely lost both their heart and their mind, and they are now living only in their soul.
* **The “Locked” Heart:** Years ago, they used their heart for everything, which caused them to hurt deeply. As a result, they made a conscious decision to silence their heart and lock it away in “dark dungeons.” They now feel they have lost the key.
* **Numbness to Devotion:** They used to cry and feel a deep emotional connection when reading the Quran, making Duas, and saying Azkhar. Now, they describe their heart as completely “dry” and like a “stone mountain,” feeling absolutely nothing (nonsense/careless) when they practice these acts of faith.
### 2. Extreme Psychological Distress and Pain
* **Constant Bleeding:** They state that they have reached an “end point” where something feels like it is attacking their soul. They described their daily reality by saying: *”Each breath, each moment, each minute feels like bleeding. Everything hurts.”*
* **Pain as Comfort:** They have developed a mindset where they fear happiness. They stated: *”My own pain is my joy. Living with my pain and suffering is my ultimate happiness.”* They refuse to speak about what happens inside because they believe speaking will leave them completely empty.
### 3. Complete Social Isolation and Attachment Aversion
* **Dislike of the World:** They express a deep dislike for almost everything: humans (mostly boys), money, children, and dunya (worldly life) in general.
* **Zero Attachment:** They strictly do not want any emotional attachments or relationships with anyone. They do not want people to get close to them, nor do they want a special place in anyone’s heart.
* **Isolation in the Afterlife:** Their aversion to being around people is so severe that even when they think about Jannah (Paradise), they express a strong wish to be completely alone there.
### 4. High Stress, Insecurity, and Academic Apathy
* **Overwhelming Stress:** They are experiencing extreme stress and insecurity caused by their family, their dorm mates, and their education.
* **Total Apathy to Consequences:** Despite studying, they do not see the results of their high or low GPA. They explicitly stated that they know they have responsibilities, and they know that failing to accomplish them will cause them severe personal harm—yet they are completely unfazed and careless about it.
### 5. Hyper-Fixation on Dignity, Pride, and Islamic Ethics
* **Protection of Pride:** They are intensely protective of their pride and dignity, stating they would “die for their pride,” though they simultaneously fear that this extreme protectiveness might make Allah angry with them.
* **Pure Ethics Over Reciprocity:** They want to operate 100% on pure Islamic ethics—doing good and being useful to others without expecting anything in return, rejecting logical reciprocity (i.e., “if you do for me, I do for you”).
### 6. Spiritual Crisis and Fixation on Death
* **Confusion Over Allah’s Will:** They are experiencing deep confusion, asking: *”If I was unwanted, why was I created? If my Allah dislikes me, then why did He give me health?”* They find it difficult to understand why others thank Allah during sickness while they suffer while healthy.
* **Desire for an Early Death:** They do not fear death, hell, the devil, or bad things. Their only fear is losing Allah’s love. They have set a rigid goal: 1) To gain only Allah’s love, 2) To have a good death, and 3) Sacrifice. They explicitly state that they want to die early as a beautiful sacrifice as soon as they succeed in this goal, wishing to leave the world of people behind.
Given that they feel every single breath is painful, that they have become completely senseless to severe self-harming consequences, and that their condition has drastically worsened, they require immediate, professional, and culturally/religiously sensitive psychological intervention.
Thank you for your urgent assistance.
Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum dear Sister,
Reading your words, it sounds like you have been carrying an enormous amount of pain for a very long time. One thing I want you to know is that emotional numbness is often a sign of overwhelm, not evidence that your heart is dead or that Allah has abandoned you.
When people experience prolonged stress, trauma, disappointment, loneliness, or emotional pain, the mind sometimes protects itself by shutting down feelings. What stands out most is not a lack of faith or a lack of character, but the immense amount of suffering you have been carrying for a long time. Emotional numbness, feeling disconnected from acts of worship that once brought comfort, loss of interest in life, social withdrawal, hopelessness, and feeling indifferent toward serious consequences are all signs that deserve immediate professional attention.
First, feeling emotionally numb does not mean Allah has abandoned you or that your heart is dead. Many righteous people experienced periods of spiritual dryness, sadness, fear, and hardship. The measure of your faith is not how intensely you feel, but whether you continue turning to Allah despite the struggle.
You mentioned that you used to cry when reading the Qura’n and making dua, but now feel nothing. Remember that tears are a gift from Allah, not a requirement for faith. There are times when a believer worships Allah with tears and times when a believer worships Allah with patience. Both can be acts of devotion. You ask, “If Allah dislikes me, why did He create me?” The fact that you are worried about Allah’s love is itself evidence that your heart still cares about Him. Allah tells us that He is Most Merciful, and He does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.
Your struggles are not proof that you are unwanted by Allah. Be careful not to confuse suffering with closeness to Allah. Patience through suffering can bring reward, but Islam does not teach us to seek pain for its own sake. The Prophet (SAW) taught us to ask Allah for well-being and protection. It is permissible to want healing, comfort, and peace.
Regarding death, Islam encourages us to prepare for a good ending but not to wish for death because of hardship. The Prophet ( SAW) advised believers not to wish for death due to difficulties they are facing. Your life has value, purpose, and opportunities for worship that remain known only to Allah. You mentioned wanting to be alone, even in Jannah. Sometimes when people have been hurt deeply, they begin to associate closeness with pain. But Allah created human beings to live in connection with Him and with others. Not every person will hurt you, and isolation is not the only path to safety.
Do not measure your relationship with Allah solely by your feelings. Faith is not only tears, warmth, and emotional highs. Sometimes faith is continuing to pray, make dua, and seek Allah even when you feel absolutely nothing. Consistency during hardship can be a form of devotion in itself. Be cautious about turning suffering into your identity. Pain can become so familiar that it begins to feel safer than healing. But suffering is not your purpose, and healing is not a betrayal of your struggles. You do not have to remain wounded to prove your sincerity.
Isolation often makes emotional pain stronger. Wanting distance from people after being hurt is understandable, but complete isolation can deepen hopelessness. Consider maintaining connection with at least one trustworthy person, even if only in small amounts.
The desire to die early deserves serious attention. Wanting a “good death” is understandable from a spiritual perspective, but wishing for an early death because life feels unbearable is something that should be discussed openly with a mental health professional and a trusted spiritual mentor. You do not have to carry those thoughts alone.
Your worth is not determined by productivity, grades, or how much emotion you feel. When people are struggling mentally, motivation and concentration often suffer. The fact that you feel indifferent toward important consequences may be a sign of emotional exhaustion rather than laziness or carelessness. Consider the possibility that you are exhausted, not faithless. Sometimes what feels like a spiritual problem is also a psychological one. Depression, anxiety, trauma, burnout, and chronic stress can affect emotions, motivation, relationships, and spirituality all at once.
Seek professional support without shame. A psychologist, counselor, or psychiatrist can help you understand what is happening beneath the numbness. Seeking help is not weakness, and it is not a lack of trust in Allah. It is using the means that Allah has made available. Most importantly, the fact that you are still worried about Allah’s love suggests that you have not stopped caring. People who are completely indifferent do not spend their time grieving over their relationship with Allah. The concern itself shows that this relationship remains important to you, even through the numbness.
Your responsibility right now is not to solve your entire life. It is to take the next step toward Allah while seeking the help you need. Continue your prayers, even if they feel empty. Continue your Dhikr, even if you feel nothing. Continue reading Qura’n, even if your heart feels dry. Worship performed during difficulty can be among the most sincere forms of worship.
You can pray this Dua everyday
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
(Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeer)
“My Lord, I am truly in need of whatever good You send down to me.” (Quran 28:24)
One more Dua;
اللَّهُمَّ يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِكَ
(Allahumma ya Muqallibal-quloob, thabbit qalbi ‘ala deenik)
“O Turner of the hearts, keep my heart firm upon Your religion.”
Please reach out for professional support soon. You do not have to wait until things become even more painful. Your suffering is real, and you deserve help carrying it. Allah sees the pain you cannot explain to others. He knows what is in your heart even when you cannot feel it yourself. His mercy is greater than your despair, and your current state does not define your future.
May Allah soften your heart, ease your burden, grant you tranquility, and draw you closer to Him through healing and mercy. Ameen!!
Warm Regards,
From you Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
**Important Note from Fatima: If she is currently thinking about ending her life, harming herself, or intentionally seeking death, she should contact emergency services, a crisis line, or a trusted adult immediately and not remain alone with those feelings.
Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
Note from Admin: If you would like us to help you find a Muslim therapist/counselor in your area, please complete the Contact Us form at the footer of the website.
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2020/07/22/scared/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2020/05/12/12939/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2018/08/22/severe-mental-health-issues/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/self-harm/
Sister Purelight
As salaamu alaikum beloved sister. Its an amazing position to be in to help someone else in need. May Allah grant you ease and elevation. Amin. There was a time in my life that had similar feelings. I prayed for an answer of how to proceed and was given this thought. I had to find myself worthy. I eventually came up with an agreement with myself. Since I knew Allah blesses us to be a blessing to others I had to keep it very simple. I thought of what I needed to feel safe and seen and didn’t cost anything. This way I wouldn’t be able to make any excuses. I agreed, since I had to be in public , I would give what I needed. A genuine smile from the heart that let me know I was seen. So I made that agreement. If I made 1 person smile genuinely from the heart I wouldn’t do anything to harm myself in anyway that day. Not setting out to seek people out or do anything special to make them smile. Just be my authentic self, loving Allah, and open to offering the simple kindness our beloved prophet (saw) showed all he came in contact with. As the best of mankind He (saw) became my example. There are still days I have that numb feeling I’ll admit, but I know like your friend said I was born for something so i’m trying to be present for it.
May Allah bless and sustain you both.
Habiba K
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Sister.
Thank you for taking the time to share your friend’s story so thoughtfully. It is truly admirable to see the level of care, deep reflection, and dedication you have poured into understanding and supporting her through this. She is clearly carrying an immense amount of suffering, and your decision to step forward on her behalf is a powerful act of advocacy for her well-being.
As I read your words, I can truly sense just how heavily this burden is weighing on your friend. She appears to be drained on every level; emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To feel disconnected from your own emotions and in constant pain, all while trying to make sense of faith, purpose, and Allah’s love, is an immense weight. No one should have to carry a burden that heavy, let alone someone so young.
The experiences you describe seem to suggest that she might be going through what could be a significant period of depression, though it is possible that neither she nor those around her see it in those terms. Having navigated depression at this depth myself, I understand exactly where she is right now, and my heart truly goes out to her.
We often imagine depression as crying or feeling sad, but in its critical forms, it can look like a total absence of feeling. It is an emotional numbness where a person feels hollow, disconnected from themselves, and unable to find comfort in things they used to love. When she talks about locking away her heart and feeling emotionally dry, she describes a very real and a very painful state of survival. This kind of emotional shutdown often happens after a traumatic event or a period of overwhelming stress. When the pain becomes too heavy to bear, the mind essentially steps behind a protective shield to save itself from being completely consumed by the pain. It is less about sadness, and more about the mind trying to survive a hurt that was too much to process all at once.
This may explain why she feels like every breath is painful and that everything hurts. When distress takes over, it is often impossible to put the suffering into ordinary language. Instead of pointing to a specific problem, life itself just feels painful and exhausting. Feeling suffering in every single moment can mean that right now her inner strength is totally exhausted by the sheer weight of what she is carrying.
Her loss of connection to the things and outcomes that would normally mean so much to her also can be a sign of profound hopelessness and emotional fatigue. Sometimes, a person becomes so utterly depleted that they no longer have the capacity to care about things they intellectually know are important. This same depletion is likely driving her social withdrawal. When someone is carrying a certain level of pain, interacting with others can feel exhausting, unsafe, or simply meaningless. This creates a challenging cycle: isolation begins as a symptom of depression, but over time, it only deepens it.
The frequency of her thoughts toward death is a likely reflection of the pain she is enduring. Depression does not always look like an active plan to end one’s life; sometimes, it manifests as a quiet exhaustion that makes a person long to stop existing, leave the world behind, or find relief in death. Even when these feelings are expressed through a spiritual lens, they do require careful attention. Wanting an early death, feeling disconnected from this world, and being unafraid of dying are signs that should be taken to heart.
Also, her suffering appears to be intertwined with her spiritual beliefs and questions. Many assume that if a person’s struggles involve faith, the solution must be purely spiritual. However, psychological distress and spiritual distress often go hand in hand. A person can experience severe depression while simultaneously wrestling with questions about purpose, suffering, and Allah’s love. Depression often can alter the way a person views themselves, their future, and even their relationship with Allah.
In light of the challenges you have described, my recommendation would be to connect her with professional mental health support. A qualified professional can gently explore everything she is experiencing and help find the best path forward to support her healing. They also can help uncover any underlying experiences or stressors that might be at the root of what she is facing. Furthermore, I would suggest exploring a culturally sensitive therapist or counselor as they may be able to offer support that feels both comfortable and affirming for her on multiple levels
At the same time, her own reflections reveal a remarkable strength that should not be overlooked. There is something so beautiful in the fact that, despite everything, she continues to think deeply about Allah, His love, her intentions, dignity, and sacrifice. Even though she feels entirely disconnected and spiritually dry, these concerns remain very important to her. This shows that her heart is still very much present in this struggle; it has simply been clouded over by the sheer weight of her suffering. Losing the feeling of connection during prayer, Qur’an recitation, or dhikr does not mean Allah has abandoned her, nor does it mean her faith has wavered. Emotional numbness can cast a shadow over every area of life, including our spiritual moments. Being unable to feel comfort right now is not the same thing as lacking belief, sincerity, or devotion. It is worth remembering that our faithfulness is not measured by the heavy emotions we struggle to carry but by the quiet sincerity of our intentions.
May Allah grant her peace, ease her heavy heart, and envelope her in His boundless mercy. May He guide her toward the support and healing she needs and remind her soul of how deeply loved she is by Him.
Your Sister in Islam
Community Support Volunteer Habiba K
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Salaam dear sister,
First, your thoughtfulness and courage in reaching out are admirable. May Allah reward you greatly for caring for your friend’s well-being.
It must be very hard to watch your friend go through such an intense psychological crisis.
From your description of your friend’s experience, it sounds as if she has gone through a difficult situation in which she felt betrayed by someone close to her.
Symptoms such as loss of feeling, social isolation, attachment difficulties could be symptoms of someone who experienced pain in a relationship and is trying to protect themselves from experiencing the pain again. However, only a qualified mental health professional would be able to accurately assess this.
Sometimes we can experience great pain from loved ones. Experiences of betrayal or disappointment can deeply affect our ability to trust and connect with others. While it is natural to have hopes and expectations in our relationships, painful experiences can sometimes leave us feeling guarded or withdrawn and reluctant to pursue or develop relationships.
This doesn’t mean, however, that we abandon people and only focus on our relationship with Allah. Yes, our relationship with Allah is our number one priority, but Allah also created us to be around people. Since Allah created us in families, communities, and to be in society in general, this means that we will have to deal with people. When we deal with people, we will inevitably experience pain from them.
Pain in and of itself is difficult. It is especially difficult when we feel pain from our loved ones, but this is part of the nature of this world. Allah did not create this world for us to be in a safe bubble where we only experience joy and never experience difficult emotions. A beautiful wisdom in this is that we can grow from our pain and become stronger than before.
Since your friend is in a very vulnerable state of mind, it is crucial that she is able to have a place where she can convey her experiences, feelings, and thoughts to a trusted and qualified counsellor or psychologist. We do have an option at Stones to Bridges to help find a Muslim counsellor in your area. If this is something that interests your friend, you can reach out to admin@stonestobridges.org and insha’Allah, we can help you from there.
I know it is hard to see your friend like this, but what she needs from you is to be with her and walk with her in her healing journey. Also, my dear sister, remember to take care of yourself as well. Any loved one experiencing intense mental health conditions can be tiring and emotionally overwhelming. It is important that you also take breaks for your own mental health as well.
**If at any point you become concerned for your friend’s immediate safety or well-being, or if she expresses thoughts of harming herself or others, please seek emergency assistance or contact an appropriate crisis service in your area.**
May Allah heal your friend from her pain and allow her to blossom into a healthier, happier version of herself.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL