Intense fear
Dear Fatima, I haven’t seen my “best friend” for almost a month and we are going to be meeting in 2 weeks at the mosque. All of my friends are going to be there and while she talks normally to them, I am almost certain she won’t bother to even look at me. She blocked me on all forms of communicating and if I call, she hangs up; haven’t called for 2 weeks. I don’t even know what has happened, but she is holding something against me. As much as I want to forget her and hate her back, our families know each other well, AND she is part of my close friend group. Fatima, what am I supposed to do?I am dreading that day even though it is 2 weeks away. I can’t even sleep without thinking I will meet her somewhere and have all the memories come gushing back.
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
It is so painful to be suddenly distant from a friend who was so close.
I’m sorry that you are going through it right now.
It seems that you have tried several ways to talk with your friend and ask her the reason behind her behavior and to make amends.
From your description, she doesn’t seem ready to have that conversation with you.
Unfortunately that means that you will have to find a way to deal with your feelings on your own, without clarity from her as to what is behind her behavior.
I would suggest that you make du’a for her, and ask Allah (swt) to soften her heart so that you can have a conversation about your friendship.
You might also find solace in reading about the painful decisions that sahaabi had to make in the early days of Islam. They grew apart from people they were very close to and sometimes those divides were forever. Other times, Allah (swt) brought people back together. Throughout the time they were apart (think the boycott time period) the sahaabi had to endure a lot of negativity from the people around them.
Some of what you describe reminds me of the book Odd Girl Out.
Perhaps that would also be helpful.
wa ‘alaykum salam,
Your sister in Islam,
“Fatima Z”
Anonymous
Hi Sweetheart,
I have absolutely been there!!! (About a hundred times!) When seeing someone riles up so many nerve wrecking feels. I want to tell you how I got over it….Basically: Take a deep breathe, go with someone who you are comfortable with and keep yourself busy talking to people who DO care about you. You are too precious to be wasting your energy on a rude person who hangs up or ignores you. Why should you put up with that type of immature behavior? You are better than that. Hold your head up. Smile.
Life will often throw strange people your way….i’ve learnt at the end of the day, that strange person too has their share of problems and insecurities. Nobody is better than anyone else. Always remember that: NOBODY is any better or worse than you. We are all important to our own existence. Worrying about people is a waste of your fun, energetic and lively youth 🙂
Spend time with other people ….you will naturally get over the people who hurt you. Because when you’re with people who are worth your time, you forget about those who are not worth your time.
Best Wishes
HA18
Salaam,
Your situation sounds really sad and hurtful to you. It’s so hard to suddenly feel apart from someone who has been close to us and who we always believed to have loved us.
My dear, I want you to know that this will pass. We go through these crazy relationships and friendships to learn about others, and most importantly, learn about ourselves. Have you tried to analyze the situation a little bit and see what may have happened? Do you think you may have said or done something that was mean and unfair and deserves this level of ignoring? Is this a pattern that has repeated itself, as in, does she sometimes ignore you like this? If there is a family member or another friend who you think you can talk to about this, it may help because they can provide perspective.
I have had friends who I was very close to since my childhood who I am no longer, or barely, in contact with. Just because our life situations throw us together with certain people (being close family friends, going to the same school, etc.) doesn’t mean those people are always right for us.
You do NOT have to be afraid of her. She is just another human being who makes mistakes and has her own personality traits. You don’t have to let her hurt you. You are a beautiful, compassionate person and I hope in two weeks you can go to your mosque with happiness in your heart knowing you at least tried to make things right. Make dua for yourself that inshAllah, you will grow and learn more about who you want in a friend, how good you treat your friends, and how you believe you deserve to be treated.