Convicing Parents
I’m almost 18 year old girl and going to college next year. My parents have told me that it is likely my dad will lose his job in the United Nations and we would have to move back to Iran halfway through college. I don’t have anything against Iran, but the U.S. is my home. How do I convince my parents to stay in the U.S. by myself?
Assalamu ‘alaykum,
Wow. That must have been a tough conversation for both you and your parents.
It’s really hard for parents to have to break that kind of news — just as much as it is for you to have to wrap your head around the possibility of living in Iran.
First, I would say, never underestimate the power of du’a.
The future is not written in stone, so the UN may not decide to let your dad go, or your parents may decide to move somewhere other than Iran given the increasing instability in the region. At the same time, you are being very practical to start thinking about and having this conversation now so that you and your parents are on the same page before you have to make a decision.
You would have to figure out (1) what it would mean emotionally for your parents and you to live in separate places, and (2) what would it take practically.
Many parents are hesitant to send their children to school away from themselves, so if they are open to having the conversation, it would be important for you to understand what their concerns are and whether they are open to brainstorming a creative solution that would work for all of you.
It may be that as you talk you will realize that there are many more options available to you than you currently see. For example, you might be able to continue your schooling in Europe as that would be substantially closer to your parents than the U.S. would be to Iran. Another possibility is that they could be concerned about you being alone, so there might be a family friend or relative that could be your support system, and could assure your parents that they will take care of you.
As you have the conversation, I hope you will be open about asking them questions about what it would be like to live in Iran. Perhaps their descriptions would help you decide if this might be one of those “cool life experiences” that you are willing to try for a year or two or if you need to work hard to find a situation that would work for you elsewhere.
wa’alaykum salam,
Sincerely,
Your sister in Islam,
“Fatima W”
Anonymous
Hi Sweetheart,
Iran was their home just like the US is yours. That doesn’t necessarily mean you never leave your comfort zone. I strongly feel there is opportunity no matter where life takes you. Sometimes we limit ourselves and say “no this is it- i can’t start over elsewhere”….but if we all thought that way, nobody would ever leave their house. Take your wonderful experiences from the US to help other girls in Iran who never had the opportunities you did. You will find yourself wherever you go- you will find your calling. Insha Allah maybe in the future you can return…but for now, I wouldn’t leave my parents. They didn’t ditch you as a newborn or child…so when they are old, and facing a hard time (loss of job/loss of finances)…how can their own blood take off on them? Trust me, Allah WILL reward you for staying good to them, taking care of them….you can be their shoulder of support in old age. Take advantage of it while you have the opportunity. God forbid one of them passes away while you are living your life here….it will always bother you. Go with the flow…don’t try to retaliate what is meant to happen. I strongly believe Allah will take you where its best for you.
Best Wishes
zquadri00
Hi Sweetheart,
Iran was their home just like the US is yours. That doesn’t necessarily mean you never leave your comfort zone. I strongly feel there is opportunity no matter where life takes you. Sometimes we limit ourselves and say “no this is it- i can’t start over elsewhere”….but if we all thought that way, nobody would ever leave their house. Take your wonderful experiences from the US to help other girls in Iran who never had the opportunities you did. You will find yourself wherever you go- you will find your calling. Insha Allah maybe in the future you can return…but for now, I wouldn’t leave my parents. They didn’t ditch you as a newborn or child…so when they are old, and facing a hard time (loss of job/loss of finances)…how can their own blood take off on them? Trust me, Allah WILL reward you for staying good to them, taking care of them….you can be their shoulder of support in old age. Take advantage of it while you have the opportunity. God forbid one of them passes away while you are living your life here….it will always bother you. Go with the flow…don’t try to retaliate what is meant to happen. I strongly believe Allah will take you where its best for you.
Best Wishes
HA18
Salaam,
I am also Iranian so I can relate to how you might be feeling to an extent. That is a big change and it can definitely feel scary because of all the unknowns. It is also 2 years down the road, so it’s important to realize that a lot of things can change in 2 years. It might be hard to do so, but I would remain positive and remember that you have several options open. Like Fatima said, there may be someone who would be willing to look after you when you are at that point in your life. You may be able to discuss options with your parents to go back to Iran every summer and winter break during college but stay here the rest of the time for school.
I would also invite you to consider that maybe going to Iran won’t be so bad. I personally know people who have moved there from the states and they like it for different reasons. Some of those people have gone there, gotten married, and come back with their spouses. I am of course not saying you will go there and get married then come back, but for various reasons even if you do go there, it is not uncommon for you to come back after a short time.
Sometimes when we have such huge changes happen in our lives, we don’t see it immediately but we eventually get to a point where we realize it was for the better. Allah is truly the best of planners and sometimes when certain things are out of our control, it’s best to just make dua, trust that everything will be ok, and go for the ride.