I feel very confused

As salaam alaikum sister

I think there’s a few things to go over here. One I think it will be helpful to calm and clear your mind. You can do that by practicing dhikr/meditation. Sit and remember Allah swt. This will help you think clear, process your thoughts, stay in the moment,  and reduce anxiety. 
Journal your thought for clarity, this will help get thoughts out and I think this will really help you. 
I also think it’s important to recognize what you’re doing right: you are  praying and reading Quran. And Allah swt will not call a person to account for these things so long as he does not act upon them or speak of them.
It is also suggested to read the Quran, listen to or read Surah Baqarah at least once a week,  go to the masjid, and keeping good company. 

The fact that you are even recognizing all of this at such young age is incredible self insight, subhanallah. 

May Allah swt keep you on the right path. 

Sincerely,

Your Sister in Islam,

Fatima “SD”

1. Walayakum assalam dear sister, I can tell from reading your post that these thoughts are very concerning to you and that is actually a really great thing. It reminded me of the hadith where some companions came to Allah’s Messenger (saw) and said that they too struggle with having bad thoughts about Allah. These were the best of people and even they too fought with it, however, the response that the messenger (saw) gave is one that brings comfort to the heart. That these thoughts are a sign of true faith. Many people might not pay too much attention to these thoughts but the fact that you do care shows how genuine you are in your journey to having a close relationship with Allah. I especially feel this is true of you as you have mentioned that you’re the only one practicing the religion in your family. This can be extremely challenging and maybe where some of the negative thoughts are coming from.  Don’t lose hope my young sister and know that Allah’s Messenger (saw) also said that Allah has forgiven any bad/evil thoughts we have as long as we do not speak or try to act on them. Allah’s Mercy, Love and Compassion for His slaves and especially his believing slaves is endless. Allah sees that you are trying and know that as long as you keep trying, Allah will be with you to guide you along. Since in your post you also mentioned working on positive thinking, you could watch different Islamic lectures that have a hopeful message. It might help to build a bridge between your practicing level of Islam and changing your thoughts from negative ones to a more positive one. Here is a little clip you might find helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckECewQB2Mo&ab_channel=NoumanAliKhan-Official-Bayyinah

I pray Allah helps you through this difficulty and relieves you of these thoughts and allows you to come out of this stronger and more connected to Him than ever before, ameen.



2. Wa’alaikum Assalam, my dear sister! Thank you for reaching out! It takes courage to express your struggles just like you did, but I want you to know that you’re not alone.

It’s important to acknowledge that while what you’re experiencing sounds quite challenging, Allah (swt) does not burden a soul more than it can bear (Quran 2:286). You are strong, my dear sister, and– with Allah’s help– you can and will manage these challenges and rise above them bi’ithnillah. I can tell from your post that you are striving to put Islam at the center of your life, and that indeed is the true struggle of a believer.

When dealing with difficult thoughts (waswas), remember that they are not a reflection of your true beliefs. The fact that you’re distressed by these thoughts indicates that they go against your core values.

My advice to you, my dear sister, is to:

Keep praying your five daily prayers (no matter what!). The word salah is linguistically derived from the root word silah, which means connection Regardless of whether or not you feel its impact on your heart right now, or whether it’s perfect or distraction-free, try your best to pray your daily prayers on time to maintain this connection!

Call upon Allah in supplication (duaa) everyday, especially in sujood. Whether you’re tired, stressed, worried, sad, disappointed, tell Him! Read the meanings of Allah’s beautiful names, and call upon Him by these names. Allah is Al-Hady (The Guide), Al-Shafy (The Healer), Al-Mo’min (The One who gives eman and security). Recall a time when you made duaa for something and Allah made it possible or easy. Turn to Allah with all your worries and ask Him to grant you relief and ease.

Remember that besides the rituals of praying and fasting, Islam is beautiful in that any action can turn into an ibadah by being mindful of one’s intention (niyyah). This may include helping out your parents, being there for a friend in need, sleeping and eating well to take care of your health, among many other daily actions. 

Find a local youth halaqa or Muslim support group and connect with them regularly. Being part of a group that shares the same beliefs and values, and has similar experiences, helps us stay firm on the path to Allah (swt). If you can’t find a local group, consider joining an online halaqa or youth space.

Seek knowledge about Islam to strengthen your understanding and faith. Attend Islamic classes at your local masjid, or tune in to lectures online to deepen your knowledge and gain a better perspective.

If you find that the difficult thoughts disrupt your daily schedule, consider talking to a therapist or mental health professional who understands both Islamic beliefs and psychological challenges. They can provide you with coping strategies and help you navigate through these difficult thoughts.

Remember, you’re not alone in facing these challenges. It’s okay to ask for help, and seeking support from those who understand both the spiritual and mental health aspects of your struggles can make a significant difference. I pray that Allah eases all your difficulties, grants you peace of mind, and blesses you with an unshakable connection to Him, and makes you a source of inspiration for others around you, Ameen!