I dont know what to do

Dear Sister,

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you described sounds very exhausting and scary, especially while trying to fast and worship in Ramadan. However, please remember that your situation still holds hope, and many people recover from exactly this kind of struggle.
You are showing something very important: you care deeply about your faith. The fear you feel about Kufr or Shirk shows that your heart wants to protect your lman. Remember:
Your thoughts do NOT remove you from Islam. In Islam, unwanted thoughts are not sins. Allah forgives the thoughts that come to the mind as long as a person does not speak or act on them.
What you are describing is common with intrusive thoughts. Many people experience something, especially a form called religious anxiety. It causes things like: constant fear of committing kufr or shirk, repeating ghusl, shahada, or prayers, fear that your worship is not valid, fear of reading Qur’an incorrectly, tight chest when hearing certain words, overthinking everything about religion, etc. The brain continues to send false danger signals.
But these thoughts do not reflect your true belief. Repeating ghusl and shahada is making the cycle worse. The healthier response is: Do ghusl once if it is truly needed. Ignore the doubts afterward.
Doubt does not cancel worship. So if:
a bad thought comes into your mind,
An image appears suddenly, a doubt about faith pops up, you are NOT sinful, and you have not left Islam. Treat doubts as waswas (whispers) and ignore them.
In Islam, these disturbing thoughts are often described as waswas, whispers meant to disturb the believer. So when a thought comes, Do not analyze it.
Do not try to prove it wrong.
Simply ignore it and continue your worship. Think of it like background noise your brain produces.
 Do NOT repeat shahada, ghusl, or prayers because of doubt. Islam has an important rule: Certainty is not removed by doubt. If you are Muslim, you remain Muslim unless you clearly choose disbelief, which you have not done.
So:You do not need to repeat ghusl.
You do not need to repeat shahada.
You do not need to redo prayers.
Repeating them actually feeds the anxiety loop.
 Keep your worship simple.
Right now, your mind is tired. It’s okay to keep things simple. For example:
Pray your five daily prayers calmly. Read a small amount of the Qur’an. Make a short du’a.
Even if your focus is not perfect, Allah still rewards the effort. When a scary thought appears, use this short Dua.
Say quietly: “A’udhu billahi min ash-shaytan ir-rajim.”( I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytan)”.Then 
Continue what you were doing. Do not argue with the thought. The more you leave it alone, the weaker it becomes.
 When a thought appears, try this simple method: Notice the thought. Say in your mind: “This is just a thought.”Do nothing about it. Continue what you were doing. Do not argue with the thought, and do not try to prove it wrong. The less attention you give it, the weaker it becomes. Try to reduce the time alone with your thoughts. Intrusive thoughts become stronger when you are isolated.
So sit with family, study with friends,
go for walks, help with small tasks at home, and listen to calm Qur’an recitation.
Keeping your mind gently occupied can reduce the number of thoughts.
Right now, your brain is treating worship like a danger zone. So make it simple and gentle. Pray your prayers without trying to be perfect. Read even one or two verses of the Qur’an. Make short du’a like:
“Allah, You know my struggle. Please give me peace.”Even small worship counts a lot. Allah knows your heart. When fear becomes very strong, bring your mind back to the present.
Try this simple 5-minute grounding technique:
Look around and notice:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 slow deep breath
This helps calm your nervous system when anxiety rises. There is a comforting dua for moments of fear.
“Allahumma inni a’udhu bika min hamazatish-shayateen.”
O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the whispers of Shaytan.
You can also say:
“Allah knows what is in my heart.”
Even if your mind is noisy, Allah knows your true intention.
Very important: talk to a trusted adult.
Because you are 15, you should not carry this alone. Please consider talking to your parent, a trusted teacher, a school counselor, a kind imam, or a therapist.
A therapist can help with intrusive thoughts, and treatment will work very well for many people.
The last days of Ramadan are not about being perfect. They are about trying, even if your heart feels messy or scared. Allah sees: your effort, your tears, your fear, your desire to stay Muslim. And Allah is Most Merciful. The fact that you are worried about losing your faith shows that your faith matters deeply to you. People who truly want disbelief usually do not suffer like this. You are fighting to stay close to Allah. That effort itself is valuable. You’re not alone in this. Many teenagers go through this and get better with the right help. In Shaa Allah!!
May Allah give you peace of heart and mind, protect you from scary thoughts, and grant you ease in your faith and during Ramadan. Aameen!!

Warm regards,

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”

Dear Sister,

It sounds terrifying, like you’re fighting a war inside your head. Please know that you are not losing your faith, and you’re not a bad person. The fact that this causes you so much pain is proof of how deeply you care about being a Muslim. It is possible that what you’re describing about the constant checking and doing repetitive ghusl and the need to retake your shahada is what we call Scrupulosity. It’s a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that latches onto faith and morality which is what you value most. Of course, to confirm if it is or is not Scrupulosity, you would have to visit a mental health provider. In Islam we can recognize this as severe ‘waswasa’ or whisperings of the shaytan that cause crippling doubts. 

An important and hopefully relieving truth is that these thoughts of shirk, kufr, and doubt are not coming from you. They are coming from another source, and they do not define you as a Muslim. While it feels all-consuming, remember that Allah is All-Powerful over everything, including these whispers. You might wonder why this is happening in Ramadan, when shaytan is locked up. The answer is that our minds can become stuck in deeply ingrained patterns even when the shaytan is locked away, the mental pathways that have been built can remain. 

You’re exhausted and scared, and that is a completely understandable response to what you’re going through, but insha’Allah, there is a way forward, and there are treatments. First, we want to understand that the brain is stuck in an alarm cycle. When a “bad” thought pops up, your brain treats it like a physical threat, and this is why your chest tightens, you feel terrified, and you immediately try to “fix” it by doing ghusl or repeating shahada. The more you fight the “dirty” feeling and “fix,” the bigger and more frequent it gets. 

For example, the more we kick and struggle against an oncoming wave on the beach, the more it thrashes you around, but if you relax and let the wave wash over you, it will eventually pass, and you’re standing again. We want to apply this principle to your thoughts because fighting gives them power. Think of the thoughts like a bully saying really vile and horrible things to you hoping for a reaction. If you stop, just calmly give them a stare, and walk away, then you’re not giving the bully your attention or your mental space, and you end up taking away all their power. You starve the bully of the reaction it craves.
Islamically, having thoughts about kufr and shirk are not the same as committing them. 

Islamically, it’s crucial to remember that having a thought of kufr or shirk is not the same as committing it. We are not held accountable for thoughts that come against our will. These are called intrusive thoughts. The very fact that these thoughts frighten you and make you feel sick is actually proof of how much being a believer matters to you.

Allah knows what’s going on in your heart and your mind and he sees your struggles and pain. He does not want your deen to be a source of torture for you. He wants to create ease. You said that your grades are dropping and if you think about it it makes complete sense because your brain is working overtime trying to “fix” your faith and clean your thoughts, leaving you with very little mental capacity for things like your school work.

Here is what you can do:
Please talk to your parents (if this is a safe and viable option.) If words are too hard to find, you could show them an informational article or video about Scrupulosity to start the conversation. Yaqeen Institute has excellent resources like articles and videos with therapist, Najwa Awad, describing symptoms and treatments for Scrupulosity (OCD). Here is a 5-minute informational video: https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/animation/are-the-whispers-of-satan-a-type-of-ocd 

Your parents can help you work with a mental health counselor and an Islamic scholar like an Imam, Shaykh, or Shaykha. Both the therapist and the Shaykh(a) can collaborate to help you, insha’Allah.  

In the meantime, remember that you are not your thoughts. When you get an intrusive thought, instead of believing it and “fixing” it, label the thought, and let it be. For example you can say to yourself, “Here comes the bully again” or “This is an OCD thought” or “I am noticing the waswasa.” Then,gently redirect your attention to whatever you were doing like reading the Qur’an or studying. The goal is to stop the cycle of “fixing” with extra ghusl or repeating shahada.

Instead of obsessing over whether your actions are perfectly correct, try to turn your heart towards Allah’s Mercy, Love, and Compassion that He holds for His imperfect servants by raising your hands in du’a. May Allah swt replace your doubt with certainty and your fear with calm.

With heartfelt du’as,

Fatima “SA”