Spiraling thoughts

Assalamualaikum dear Sister!!

It sounds like you’ve been carrying an overwhelming amount of emotional pain, loneliness, and mental exhaustion for a long time. When thoughts are constantly spiraling and you feel misunderstood by the people around you, it can become incredibly draining. As I read your words, I can hear how exhausted you are not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. It sounds like you’ve been fighting a battle inside your mind for a long time, carrying anxiety, overthinking, self-doubt, family stress, and loneliness, often without feeling truly understood by the people around you.

What stands out to me is how deeply you are longing to be understood, accepted, and emotionally safe with someone. Many people hope to find a person who can immediately understand their inner world, especially when they have been holding so much inside for so long. When that connection doesn’t come easily, it can feel disappointing and isolating. When your chest feels tight and your thoughts race, remember that Allah invites you to turn to Him, not because He needs your du’a, but because you need His closeness.”Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Qur’an 13:28)That rest may not come all at once. Sometimes it comes one breath, one sajdah, one tear, one sincere du’a at a time.


I also hear you saying that when you say, “I want to die,” what you’re really expressing is a desire for relief from the emotional pain and relentless thoughts. Even so, those thoughts are important to pay attention to. When they become intense, please reach out to a trusted person or a crisis support service in your area for additional support.

Allah says:
“Indeed, with hardship comes ease. Indeed, with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an 94:5–6)
Notice that Allah repeats this promise!! The hardship may feel constant today, but He reminds us that ease accompanies it, even if we cannot yet see it.


Regarding therapy, it makes sense that opening up to someone new feels uncomfortable. Building trust takes time, and many people find the first sessions awkward or difficult. Feeling uncomfortable with a therapist doesn’t mean therapy won’t work for you it may simply mean that the relationship and trust need more time to develop, or that you haven’t yet found the right therapist for your needs. Many people assume they should feel comfortable right away, but trust is often built gradually. The first sessions can feel awkward, vulnerable, or even disappointing. Opening up to a stranger about your deepest struggles is not easy. The discomfort you felt does not mean therapy isn’t for you. It may mean that trust takes time for you, especially if you’ve spent years feeling misunderstood.


Also want to acknowledge the pain you experience in your relationship with your mother. Family relationships can have a profound impact on our emotional well-being, especially when there is ongoing conflict or when we don’t feel understood within our own home. When home does not feel emotionally safe, it can leave us feeling as though we have nowhere to rest from the stress.And your statement about wanting a deep hug.,That tells me there is a part of you that is yearning for comfort, reassurance, and human connection. Sometimes beneath anxiety and overthinking is a person who is simply tired of carrying everything alone.


For now, I want to acknowledge the courage it took to express all of this. You do not have to carry these feelings alone. Your pain is real, your need for support is understandable, and you deserve a space where you can be heard without judgment.For this moment, I want to remind you of something important: your feelings make sense in the context of what you’ve been experiencing. You are not crazy.You are a person who is struggling, hurting, and looking for relief. Those are very different things.You do not have to solve everything today. 
You may already know that hardship can sometimes make us feel distant from ourselves, others, and even from the peace we are searching for. Yet your reaching out, expressing your pain, and continuing to look for support are signs that there is still a part of you holding on to hope, even if it feels very small right now.

May Allah  replace your anxiety with tranquility, your loneliness with righteous companionship, your tears with relief, and your heaviness with sakīnah. May He open doors to people who listen with compassion, protect your heart from despair, and remind you every day that you are never alone.  Aameen!!


Warm regards,

 From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”

Asalaamu alaykum Dear Sister,

You are not insane. That feeling of your thoughts spiraling while you’re stuck in conflict and no one to turn to is an incredibly heavy and lonely place to be, and it makes total sense that your mind is racing when you feel unheard and trapped. Your ache for a hug and for someone to just get it without you having to explain is your body screaming for safety and connection.

Intuitively, you reached out for this safety and connection by visiting a counselor, but something in you just shut the door. Opening up to another person and being vulnerable can feel risky or exposing (the opposite of your need for safety and connection.) This is especially true for some of us who received punishment or criticism when we disclosed our honest thoughts, feelings, or actions to adults or authority. So we close up and go into protection-mode. In your situation, there may have been the need to protect from feeling judged by the therapist or not being believed, or maybe even a sense of loyalty or protection for your family from being demonized or cast as villains upon disclosure.

Recognizing your need and conveying this to a therapist in your first meeting (if you decide to give it another chance) can be helpful. For example, you can say, “I struggle to open up because I’m afraid you’ll judge, and I tend to hold back and then feel misunderstood.” This way, you don’t have to handle the pressure of being open when you’re not ready, but you are still taking steps in connecting and safety. A good therapist will lean in to your experience, and not judge, insha’Allah. If therapy feels like too much right now, then reach out to just one safe person. Shifting from the standard, “they should understand my mind completely” to “they can sit with me and listen” is a more realistic view of what a human being can offer. Maybe you know a trusted and wise family or community member who can serve as a mediator between you and your mom and can help you both understand each other and be a buffer for conflict. Another option is to attend support groups or sister circles in your community. Here is a virtual one that you may want to consider: https://muslimheal.org/sisters-session/

I wanted to emphasize for you to seek help right away by calling your local crisis service if you are having thoughts of ending your life. Isolation is the breeding ground for these waswasa, or whisperings of the shaytan, to grow. So, tell a trusted, mature adult. Your thoughts are not facts. Who you are is separate from the waswasa and what the spiraling thoughts are telling you. You are a beloved creation of Allah (swt), and your life that He gifted you is sacred. You have God-given rights of dignity, honor, and respect. This is who you are.

You shared that you are craving freedom, and subhanAllah, when you described your state, it reminded me of a pressure cooker: thoughts bubbling vigorously, intense emotional steam building up, and a shaking container fit to burst. Just like a pressure cooker has a release valve to keep it from exploding or doing damage, you need yours. A small release can make an immense difference. Here are some ways to release unhelpful thoughts. You can physically make a gesture of plucking the spiraling thoughts from your head as they come and tossing them away. You can write an ‘unsent letter’ addressed to the person who is upsetting you by honestly describing your feelings, or you can just dump your thoughts onto paper and then shred and dispose of it. Lastly, I want to invite you to physically embrace yourself and breathe. Just give yourself a long, tight hug, and accept yourself as you are. Imagine the Love and Compassion of Allah (swt) cradling you, surrounding you. He is closer than your jugular vein, and He is fully aware of every ounce of your suffering. You are not alone. I pray that you are blessed with relief and tranquility during this difficult chapter.

With heartfelt du’as, 

“Fatima SA”