Just a blurb

Waalaikumussalaam warahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, dear sister.

What you wrote makes sense. It doesn’t sound like a “brain fart” at all. It sounds like someone who’s been carrying these feelings for a long time and is finally putting them into words.


From what you’ve described, this sadness didn’t start because you failed to make friends. You believed that if you became more outgoing, joined clubs, and found your people, you would finally feel happy. Then you did all those things, and the emptiness was still there. That can be incredibly confusing. The feeling of being surrounded by people who care about you, yet still feeling isolated, is something many people experience. It doesn’t mean your friends don’t love you or that you don’t belong. It means your heart is struggling with something deeper than loneliness.


I was also touched by what you shared about seeing yourself in photos. Alone, you can appreciate what Allah has created. But the moment you’re standing beside others, comparison steals that peace. Suddenly you’re convinced you’re the one who looks awkward or doesn’t belong. Comparison is one of the quickest ways to lose gratitude for ourselves. Shaytan whispers that everyone else fits in except us. But your friends’ actions tell a different story. They keep inviting you. They include you in their memories. They post pictures with you because they want you there. Often, the harshest critic of our appearance is ourselves. Comparison is truly exhausting. Shaytan loves to make us compare ourselves until we stop seeing the blessings Allah has already given us. Remember that photos capture a split second not your worth. The fact that your friends keep inviting you, posting pictures with you, and including you says far more about how they see you than a picture ever could.


You also mentioned your fear of the Hereafter and the Hellfire. A believer naturally has fear of Allah, but Islam teaches us to balance fear with hope. Allah says: “Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.'” (Qur’an 39:53) If your thoughts about the Hereafter leave you feeling hopeless rather than motivating you toward Allah with hope and repentance, then they may be becoming overwhelming. Allah does not want you to live in constant despair. He wants you to turn to Him with both fear and hope.


You described feeling like you’re waiting “for the other shoe to drop.” Many people who struggle with anxiety or depression describe something similar. Even during joyful moments, they find it difficult to fully enjoy them because part of them is bracing for something to go wrong. If that resonates with you, please know that you’re not strange or “broken.” You’re a young person who deserves support.


Thank you for your honesty about the Hijab. Many sisters carry this quiet burden. Sometimes we begin wearing the hijab because of family expectations, culture, or community. Over time, though, our relationship with Allah can mature. The beautiful thing about intention is that it can be renewed. Every morning, you can quietly tell yourself, “Ya Allah, today I want to wear this for You.” Even if that intention feels small at first, Allah loves sincere efforts. You said you wear it, but not because it was for Allah ,it was for other people. Many sisters have complicated feelings about their hijab. Instead of feeling guilty, perhaps see this as an opportunity to rebuild your relationship with Allah. Hijab is an act of worship, but worship begins in the heart. Ask Allah to help you wear it for Him, even if your intention isn’t there yet. Intentions can grow. In Shaa Allah!!


Dear sister, your worth is not measured by how you look beside other girls, how many likes your photos receive, or whether you feel happy every day. Your worth comes from the One who created you with wisdom and purpose. One thing I would encourage you to consider is that you’ve been experiencing this sadness since seventh grade, with occasional periods where it lifts for a couple of weeks before returning. Because it has lasted for years, it would be worthwhile to speak with a trusted adult ,a parent, school counsellor, family doctor, or a Muslim therapist if one is available. Sometimes persistent sadness, anxiety, or depression need support, and seeking help is not a sign of weak faith. Prophet (SAW) encouraged us to seek treatment while trusting Allah. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Your value is not determined by how you look in group photos, how outgoing you are, or whether you always feel happy. Your value comes from being a servant of Allah. Allah says:

“We have certainly honoured the children of Adam.”
وَلَقَدْ كَرَّمْنَا بَنِي آدَمَ
(Qur’an 17:70)

Your honour came from Allah not from  outward looks. Sometimes Shaytan doesn’t tell practicing Muslims to stop praying. Instead, he whispers something more subtle: You’re only valuable if you’re perfect. That whisper keeps a person in constant fear, guilt, and exhaustion. But Allah is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem. He knows your effort, your tears, and even the thoughts you never tell anyone. You described sitting with your friends while everyone laughed and talked, yet feeling strangely disconnected as though you were physically present but emotionally somewhere else. Many people experience this, especially when they struggle with anxiety or depression. It can feel like watching your own life from the outside instead of living it. I pray that Allah replaces your sadness with tranquility, strengthens your heart, and brings you closer to Him in a way that fills the emptiness you’ve been carrying.  Aameen!!!

Say this Du’a quite often.

اللهم يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك،  آمين.

“O Allah, Turner of the hearts, keep my heart firm upon Your religion. Ameen.”

Your pain is not meaningless. Allah sees every tear you never told anyone about. He knows every moment you smiled while feeling empty inside. And He is closer to you than you can imagine. May Allah make things easy for you.Aameen!!


Warm regards,

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”