Just a blurb
Salaam,
I dont really know how to phrase this but every since 7th grade ive been in this like sadness loop if you call it. At first I thought maybe it is depression but sometimes I get these periods of like 2 weeks of not being sad. I dont know how to decribe my feelings sometimes I feel so scared about the afterlife and hell fire but sometimes I feel so sad that I cant just be a normal teenage girl. I spent all of middle school kinda driftign around through middle school and I decided that needed to change in high school. I started to talk to more people, putting myself out their and joining clubs. I made a lot of new friends and got invited to hangouts and stuff. All throughout middle school I thought when this happend I would finally be happy, but as it turns out im not. To give an example on how I feel, yesterday I got back from my trip and then decided to go to the hangout that my friend gorup was planning. They all looked happy to see me and were talking to me. I love them all and I know they love me to, but I still felt so out of place. T Like I couldnt just feel happy in the moment its like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I got added to multiple posts and stories were making, and I couldnt help but noticing I was the one who always looked a little off in the photos. Like their would group pics, duo pics, tiro pics and the other people would look so cute, while I felt like im the little baby they included. I dont feel ugly but at the same time I do. When I look at myself in the mirror by myself Im happy with how I look but suddenyl when I placed next to someone I just feel like Im the one always out of place. Im surronded by love yet I feel so isolated. I have tried to be freinds with different kinds of people but I always feel out of place.
Thank you
I know this really doesnt make sense its jsut a brain frat of everything that has been going through my mind. (p.s also as a side note I am a hijabi;Never wore for myself just outside not family pressure; wasnt for me or god just for others:)
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Waalaikumussalaam warahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, dear sister.
What you wrote makes sense. It doesn’t sound like a “brain fart” at all. It sounds like someone who’s been carrying these feelings for a long time and is finally putting them into words.
From what you’ve described, this sadness didn’t start because you failed to make friends. You believed that if you became more outgoing, joined clubs, and found your people, you would finally feel happy. Then you did all those things, and the emptiness was still there. That can be incredibly confusing. The feeling of being surrounded by people who care about you, yet still feeling isolated, is something many people experience. It doesn’t mean your friends don’t love you or that you don’t belong. It means your heart is struggling with something deeper than loneliness.
I was also touched by what you shared about seeing yourself in photos. Alone, you can appreciate what Allah has created. But the moment you’re standing beside others, comparison steals that peace. Suddenly you’re convinced you’re the one who looks awkward or doesn’t belong. Comparison is one of the quickest ways to lose gratitude for ourselves. Shaytan whispers that everyone else fits in except us. But your friends’ actions tell a different story. They keep inviting you. They include you in their memories. They post pictures with you because they want you there. Often, the harshest critic of our appearance is ourselves. Comparison is truly exhausting. Shaytan loves to make us compare ourselves until we stop seeing the blessings Allah has already given us. Remember that photos capture a split second not your worth. The fact that your friends keep inviting you, posting pictures with you, and including you says far more about how they see you than a picture ever could.
You also mentioned your fear of the Hereafter and the Hellfire. A believer naturally has fear of Allah, but Islam teaches us to balance fear with hope. Allah says: “Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.'” (Qur’an 39:53) If your thoughts about the Hereafter leave you feeling hopeless rather than motivating you toward Allah with hope and repentance, then they may be becoming overwhelming. Allah does not want you to live in constant despair. He wants you to turn to Him with both fear and hope.
You described feeling like you’re waiting “for the other shoe to drop.” Many people who struggle with anxiety or depression describe something similar. Even during joyful moments, they find it difficult to fully enjoy them because part of them is bracing for something to go wrong. If that resonates with you, please know that you’re not strange or “broken.” You’re a young person who deserves support.
Thank you for your honesty about the Hijab. Many sisters carry this quiet burden. Sometimes we begin wearing the hijab because of family expectations, culture, or community. Over time, though, our relationship with Allah can mature. The beautiful thing about intention is that it can be renewed. Every morning, you can quietly tell yourself, “Ya Allah, today I want to wear this for You.” Even if that intention feels small at first, Allah loves sincere efforts. You said you wear it, but not because it was for Allah ,it was for other people. Many sisters have complicated feelings about their hijab. Instead of feeling guilty, perhaps see this as an opportunity to rebuild your relationship with Allah. Hijab is an act of worship, but worship begins in the heart. Ask Allah to help you wear it for Him, even if your intention isn’t there yet. Intentions can grow. In Shaa Allah!!
Dear sister, your worth is not measured by how you look beside other girls, how many likes your photos receive, or whether you feel happy every day. Your worth comes from the One who created you with wisdom and purpose. One thing I would encourage you to consider is that you’ve been experiencing this sadness since seventh grade, with occasional periods where it lifts for a couple of weeks before returning. Because it has lasted for years, it would be worthwhile to speak with a trusted adult ,a parent, school counsellor, family doctor, or a Muslim therapist if one is available. Sometimes persistent sadness, anxiety, or depression need support, and seeking help is not a sign of weak faith. Prophet (SAW) encouraged us to seek treatment while trusting Allah. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Your value is not determined by how you look in group photos, how outgoing you are, or whether you always feel happy. Your value comes from being a servant of Allah. Allah says:
“We have certainly honoured the children of Adam.”
وَلَقَدْ كَرَّمْنَا بَنِي آدَمَ
(Qur’an 17:70)
Your honour came from Allah not from outward looks. Sometimes Shaytan doesn’t tell practicing Muslims to stop praying. Instead, he whispers something more subtle: You’re only valuable if you’re perfect. That whisper keeps a person in constant fear, guilt, and exhaustion. But Allah is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem. He knows your effort, your tears, and even the thoughts you never tell anyone. You described sitting with your friends while everyone laughed and talked, yet feeling strangely disconnected as though you were physically present but emotionally somewhere else. Many people experience this, especially when they struggle with anxiety or depression. It can feel like watching your own life from the outside instead of living it. I pray that Allah replaces your sadness with tranquility, strengthens your heart, and brings you closer to Him in a way that fills the emptiness you’ve been carrying. Aameen!!!
Say this Du’a quite often.
اللهم يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك، آمين.
“O Allah, Turner of the hearts, keep my heart firm upon Your religion. Ameen.”
Your pain is not meaningless. Allah sees every tear you never told anyone about. He knows every moment you smiled while feeling empty inside. And He is closer to you than you can imagine. May Allah make things easy for you.Aameen!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/friendships/
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I see you in me and me in you.
As salaamu alaikum beloved sister. Would you believe I truly can relate? Im not just saying that. At times my reality of my mortality made me scared too. I realized I was a very sensitive person. Very caring about the world and people around me. That my need to kinda control things outside of my self, either made me anxious or sad. At times quietly sad. Like you I kinda made myself open up in middle school too and had similar feelings. As I got older I realized it was OK to set boundaries even for myself. Meaning getting more familiar with my likes, dislikes, wants and goals. I allowed myself grace to be quiet and it be ok. To be outgoing and it be ok. To acknowledge when my feelings are really big and explore what helped me get to the feeling or state I wanted to be in. I mean we are created complex yet simple beings. After all my experience and emotional twists and turns I realized all I truly wanted was to be at peace. Now that became my task. To figure out what I liked and dislike. What made me happy and sad. What brought me peace. You get the picture. Then there’s the comparing ourselves to others. Yup I said our. Me too. While I was doing my self assessment I began to notice while I loved my companions we were different. I began to sort out and appreciate our differences. Realizing how my uniqueness actually added to the group and not really something to compare to anyone else’s gifts they brought to the group. Hard to believe WOW im special too. Well so are you. Believe me. You dont have to respond like anyone else just be yourself. All of these things you’ve shared here tells me you are a beautiful person inside and you will figure out how to feel it outside as well. Last thing you mentioned being hijabi. What a powerful and beautiful thing. When you embrace all of your beauty and not compare yourself to others your peace will come. How big will you smile inside and out then. Do this experiment with me. Take a look at your feet. Notice the differences. Then acknowledge how they have to work together to help you walk. Then to jump. Then to rest. Ahhh yes what they look like at rest. Then acknowledge all the difference you bring with your beautiful soul to yourself, your friend group amd actually the world. You just as you are, are a necessary energy and gift to all you come in contact with. Give yourself some love and grace. I’m Still working on me and believe in you. I wish I could see you when you GLOW up. Smile. I love you for the sake of Allah.
Habiba K
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Sister.
It takes so much strength to voice what you are going through, and everything you say makes perfect sense. It is completely understandable to feel tired after living with these difficult feelings for a long time. From what you described, this sadness is not about whether people like you or whether you have friends. You are blessed with people who care about you, who are happy to see you, who include you in activities, and who share precious moments with you. The love around you is very present, but your heart finds it hard to feel it. Having people who love you and being able to actually feel that love when you are down are two very different things. When sadness gets overwhelming, it acts like a wall that blocks you from taking in the care that is right in front of you.
Being surrounded by love while feeling so isolated is something many people go through when they are dealing with depression. Depression is not just feeling sad for a short time, it often feels like an invisible wall standing between a person and the rest of the world. Someone can be in a room full of people who care a lot about them and still feel completely alone inside. That does not mean the love is absent, it just means the mind and heart are struggling to feel it. Looking back at middle school, you spent so much time believing that if you had friends, you would finally be happy. So, you worked hard, stepped outside your comfort zone, joined clubs, made friends, but the sadness remained. That does not mean your efforts were wasted. It simply suggests that what you are carrying is more than loneliness. Although new friends and activities can make life better, they cannot always fix how you are feeling inside.
What you feel when looking at yourself in photos is something so many people struggle with. When you are on your own, you feel completely fine, but being around others suddenly brings on feelings of being awkward or out of place. What often happens is that your mind starts whispering doubts, making it hard to see yourself the way others see you. So, while everyone else is just happy to be hanging out with you, you end up looking for flaws that may not even be there or that no one else notices. Know that Allah created you beautiful, exactly as you are. You were uniquely designed by Him, from your heart to your personality and everything about you holds purpose and value. Please try to always remember that no one is perfect, and you never have to be perfect to deserve a place among others. True beauty goes far beyond what is seen on the outside, it comes from who you are on the inside.
Carrying these feelings since seventh grade, even with weeks when things feel lighter, is a long time to hold something so difficult. It is important not to ignore that, and you do not have to carry it alone. If you feel comfortable, I would recommend talking to a trusted adult, a school counselor, or a therapist as it can make a huge difference. Counselors and therapists talk to teenagers about these exact struggles all the time, and they are great at helping figure out how to work through them. And please know that reaching out and asking for help takes real courage. It does not mean something is wrong with you, it just means that you deserve support and getting that help is part of looking after your overall wellbeing.
It is completely normal to think about the hereafter, but when fear feels overwhelming and takes away your peace every day, it stops being a healthy way to draw closer to Allah. I would suggest that if fear is taking over, take time to remember His names, Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful), Ar-Rahim (The Especially Merciful), Al-Ghafur (The All-Forgiving), and Al-Wadud (The Most Loving). Also, while Allah does remind us of our accountability, He also says: “Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.’” (Qur’an 39:53). This verse is His way of reassuring our hearts when fear takes over. It reminds us that no matter how much we struggle, doubt ourselves, or worry about our shortcomings, we should never lose hope in His mercy. Allah knows we are human and that we make mistakes, that is why He emphasizes that He forgives and understands. Allah’s mercy is far bigger than any flaw or worry we have. We do not have to live under the pressure of trying to be perfect, because His forgiveness and mercy are always there to support us. Allah wants us to find peace in His love, not to live in constant fear.
Opening up about your feelings regarding the hijab takes so much courage, and I really applaud you for having the bravery to voice them. So many Muslim women quietly experience similar struggles but feel afraid to speak up. When the hijab is worn mainly to satisfy the expectations of others rather than out of a personal connection with Allah, it is completely understandable that difficult feelings can follow. Instead of only focusing on whether to wear it, it can be helpful to first reflect on your own personal relationship with Allah. As your connection with Him deepens through learning, making du’a, reading the Qur’an, and talking to Him openly, acts of worship like the hijab can begin to feel like they come from love and personal conviction rather than obligation.
Please know that you are not strange for having all of these feelings, and you are certainly not failing. You are a thoughtful, courageous young woman who has been quietly holding so much for a long time while trying so hard to keep moving forward. The fact that you are asking questions and reflecting so deeply is a beautiful sign that your heart is active, growing, and seeking true closeness to Allah. Every step you take, no matter how small, is seen and loved by Him. You have so much goodness inside you, with time and the right support, brighter and more peaceful days are ahead. I would like to encourage you to keep trusting your journey, because, Insha Allah, your story is still unfolding into something beautiful. Allah created and crafted you as the unique, wonderful person you are, meant to shine with your own light.
May Allah bless your heart with peace, fill your life with joy and light, ease all of your challenges, and always guide you toward the beauty and potential He created within you.
Your Sister in Islam
Community Support Volunteer Habiba K