Scared

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu my dear Sister,

Thank you for having the courage to share what you have been carrying in your heart. It sounds like you have been through a great deal of pain, especially at such a young age, and we are very glad that you reached out instead of keeping these fears to yourself.

First, we want you to know that Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful) and Ar-Raheem (The Especially Merciful). The fact that you are worried about your relationship with Allah and whether He will forgive you shows that there is goodness and faith in your heart. Allah’s mercy is far greater than any mistake or struggle we have. If you feel sorry for past actions and turn to Allah, His door of forgiveness is always open. Allah says in the Qur’an: “Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.” (Qur’an 39:53)

You mentioned that you have depression and that you have struggled with self-harm and suicide attempts since you were very young. Depression is an illness, and when a person is suffering deeply, they may have thoughts or behaviors that come from pain, hopelessness, or feeling overwhelmed. Allah knows exactly what you have been through and understands your struggles better than anyone else.

We would also like to ask gently: are you having thoughts of hurting yourself or ending your life now? Your safety is very important to us. If you are having these thoughts, please tell a trusted adult immediately such as a parent, family member, school counselor, teacher, doctor, or another safe person who can support you. You do not have to carry this alone. Are you currently seeing a counselor, therapist, or doctor? If so, please let them know about your fears and any thoughts of self-harm. If not, we strongly encourage you to speak with a trusted adult so you can get support.

Along with professional help, try to keep a connection with Allah through small acts: making dua, talking to Allah honestly about your fears, listening to Qur’an, and remembering that He loves those who turn back to Him. You do not need to be perfect to be loved by Allah. A Dua when feeling overwhelmed

رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
Rabbi innī limā anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqīr
“My Lord, I am truly in need of whatever good You send me.”
— Qur’an 28:24

Please remember: your life has value, your pain matters, and there are people who want to help you. May Allah grant you healing, peace, and comfort, and fill your heart with hope and His mercy. Ameen!!

Warm regards,

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”