Scared
13, female, went through puberty.
I am diagnosed witg depression, and Ive ben self harming and attempting suicide till I was 9, I am scared I will go to hell.
Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu my dear Sister,
Thank you for having the courage to share what you have been carrying in your heart. It sounds like you have been through a great deal of pain, especially at such a young age, and we are very glad that you reached out instead of keeping these fears to yourself.
First, we want you to know that Allah is Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful) and Ar-Raheem (The Especially Merciful). The fact that you are worried about your relationship with Allah and whether He will forgive you shows that there is goodness and faith in your heart. Allah’s mercy is far greater than any mistake or struggle we have. If you feel sorry for past actions and turn to Allah, His door of forgiveness is always open. Allah says in the Qur’an: “Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.” (Qur’an 39:53)
You mentioned that you have depression and that you have struggled with self-harm and suicide attempts since you were very young. Depression is an illness, and when a person is suffering deeply, they may have thoughts or behaviors that come from pain, hopelessness, or feeling overwhelmed. Allah knows exactly what you have been through and understands your struggles better than anyone else.
We would also like to ask gently: are you having thoughts of hurting yourself or ending your life now? Your safety is very important to us. If you are having these thoughts, please tell a trusted adult immediately such as a parent, family member, school counselor, teacher, doctor, or another safe person who can support you. You do not have to carry this alone. Are you currently seeing a counselor, therapist, or doctor? If so, please let them know about your fears and any thoughts of self-harm. If not, we strongly encourage you to speak with a trusted adult so you can get support.
Along with professional help, try to keep a connection with Allah through small acts: making dua, talking to Allah honestly about your fears, listening to Qur’an, and remembering that He loves those who turn back to Him. You do not need to be perfect to be loved by Allah. A Dua when feeling overwhelmed
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
Rabbi innī limā anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqīr
“My Lord, I am truly in need of whatever good You send me.”
— Qur’an 28:24
Please remember: your life has value, your pain matters, and there are people who want to help you. May Allah grant you healing, peace, and comfort, and fill your heart with hope and His mercy. Ameen!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from an additional “Fatima Counselor”:
Asalaamu alaykum Dear Sister,
Thank you for trusting us with something so heavy. You must be feeling so alone and scared. Having depression, self-harming and having thoughts of suicide does not make you a bad person or a bad Muslim. It tells us that you are struggling with some deep pain, and you are in need of help, care, and kindness right now.
There may actually be more happening than you realize, and there are people who can help you figure it out. You mentioned that you’re going through puberty. Going to the doctor and getting our hormones and vitamin levels checked can be helpful. Some people find that a hormone imbalance or vitamin deficiency can make intense emotions feel unbearable and getting the hormone or nutrition deficiency balanced through medication, supplements, or other prescribed action can sometimes reduce the depression symptoms. Also, a counselor can help you understand what is happening to you emotionally and teach you ways to cope that don’t involve hurting yourself.
Self-harm can happen for many different reasons like someone is trying to express feelings that are too intense to describe, or it provides temporary relief, or it can make someone feel like they have control when everything feels out of control. It can be a way of trying to escape emotional pain. But whatever the reason is for you, the goal is to help you find safer and healthier ways to meet the need under the self-harm action, and your counselor can help you figure that out and teach your family how to support you.
When you said that you tried to die when you were 9 years old, I can’t imagine how incredibly desperate, scared, and stuck you must have felt, and I wonder if we can offer this young girl some tender kindness instead of judgment and fear. You were a little girl who just needed someone to notice her pain and sit beside her and say, “I am here for you, and you don’t have to figure this out all alone.” Allah (swt) calls Himself The Most Kind (Ar-Rahman) and the Most Merciful (Ar-Raheem) at the start of almost all the ayahs in the Qur’an. He sees your pain and is here to help you with kindness and mercy. You just have to take one step and share with a trusted adult, “I’ve been going through a really hard time, and sometimes I hurt myself. I need help.”
Allah (swt) created you with love. Your life is a trust from Allah, and it’s a gift. That doesn’t mean that you have to pretend that everything is okay, but we do want to cherish your life and understand that it is worth protecting while you get help.
You have so many beautiful chapters to look forward to, insha’Allah. There are going to be beautiful friendships, new places you’ll visit, people you’ll meet, and things you’ll learn. Please don’t let the hardest chapter of your life tell you that you already know how the whole story will go. Please hold on and let yourself get the support you deserve.
With heartfelt du’as,
Fatima “SA”
Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
Note from Admin: If you would like us to help you find a Muslim therapist/counselor in your area, please complete the Contact Us form at the footer of the website.
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/tag/self-harm/
AB
Assalamualaikum, my dear sister!
I am so sorry you are going through this and feeling so much pain. You aren’t alone. Pain can be so overwhelming and can be really hard. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot emotionally. Sometimes depression can make things feel really, really heavy, and you don’t have to carry that alone. Your presence matters. Your feelings matter. You matter. The fact that you’re reaching out shows strength. You deserve support and understanding. Keep going, my dear sister!
I want you to remember that Allah is the most merciful. So, so merciful!! No one is as merciful as he is. Can I tell you something? I want you to listen to this with your heart. There is a hadith that describes how vast Allah’s mercy is. In it, the Prophet Mohammed (SAW) says that Allah has one hundred parts of mercy. He sent down one for all creation. Think about that. Only one for all people, animals, jinn, every single creation! He kept the other ninety-nine parts of mercy for himself. I want you to think about that. We feel like there is so much mercy amongst ourselves. Can you imagine how much mercy Allah has? So much! He is always there for us to ask for forgiveness. He knows exactly what you’re going through. No one can know as well as he does. Tell him your worries. Tell him your fears. Ask him to help you get through this. Allah sees you trying.
If you are struggling with self-harm and suicidal thoughts now, please, please, my dear sister, reach out for help. Reach out to someone you trust. Your safety matters, and I care about you. If you are located in the United States, here are some resources.
This is a crisis hotline that you can text or call, whichever you feel more comfortable with, at any time: https://988lifeline.org/
Naseeha is a helpline that is oriented for Muslims. They can provide culturally appropriate support, and you can text or call. This resource is available in the U.S and Canada.
Here is the link for the U.S: https://www.naseehausa.org/helpline-textline
Here is the link for Canada: https://www.naseeha.org/helpline-textline
Both of these resources are 100% free.
You are more than what you are going through. You have so much worth, even on the days you have a hard time seeing it. Your life has meaning. I see your strength. Stay strong.
You are in my heart and thoughts!
May Allah bring you happiness and healing!
With care,
Your sister in Islam
Community support volunteer AB
HK
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Sister.
I want you to know that it takes so much courage and bravery to reach out and share what is in your heart. You have been through so much for someone so young, and taking this step to speak up shows how strong you truly are. Please know that dealing with depression and having struggled with self-harm and past suicide attempts does not mean you have fallen out of Allah’s mercy. Allah knows the pain you have been through, and He sees every bit of effort you put into moving away from self-harm and attempts to end your life.
Experiencing depression is never a wrong or bad thing, and carrying deep emotional pain is not a sign of weak faith or failure before Allah. Feeling this kind of pain is a lot like being physically sick, only it is in your heart and mind. It is not something you chose, it is not a sign that you lack faith, and it never makes you a bad person. Going through difficulties, struggles, or pain can never take away Allah’s immense love and compassion for you.
When you are hurting this much, your mind can sometimes trick you into feeling guilty or scared about the future. But carrying all this pain for so long means you need help, care, and gentle support. You were very young when you went through these hard times, and Allah knows everything you experienced, the pain, the confusion, and the things that were too much for you to understand or handle at that age. Allah is Just and full of mercy. He tells us, “My mercy encompasses all things.” (Qur’an 7:156). This reminds us that nothing can ever be greater than His mercy. Nothing you go through and no frightening thoughts you have can separate you from His care. Allah also says, “My Mercy surpasses My Wrath.” (Riyad as-Salihin 419). This means that His mercy and kindness are far greater than anything we can even imagine. So, please try not to let fear make you doubt Allah’s mercy and kindness, which are far greater than any mistakes, weaknesses, or worries you could ever have. And when we make mistakes, Allah tells us to seek His forgiveness and return to Him. He says, “Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.” (Qur’an 39:53). This shows us that His doors of mercy are always open, no matter what.
Having the right support around you is so important. Therefore, if you are not already working with a therapist after receiving your diagnosis, I would recommend talking with one. It helps so much to have someone who can guide you through what you are feeling and support you every step of the way. Therapists are used to helping teenagers through all kinds of difficult feelings and situations and can give you ways to manage what you are experiencing. If seeing a therapist feels okay to you, I would suggest reaching out to one of your parents, your doctor or school counselor to let them know that you would like to try therapy. And please know that asking for help takes a lot of courage. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, and you deserve support that can help you feel better. Just as importantly, always remember that you are precious, and your life is extremely valuable. If you ever feel like you might hurt yourself again or that you may not be able to keep yourself safe, please reach out to a trusted adult right away, someone who can help you stay safe and give you the support and care you need.
Nothing should ever make you feel like you cannot turn to Allah, because He is always with you and listening. You do not have to have everything figured out or be perfectly okay before asking Him for help. Even the smallest step toward Him matters. Small steps can be listening to the Qur’an, doing dhikr, keeping up with salah or taking a quiet moment to make a small du’a, even something as simple as “O Allah, help me.” You do not need special words or perfect sentences. Just talk to Allah from your heart using your own words.
You are only 13 years old, and there is so much beauty and hope waiting for you in the years ahead. The difficult experiences of your childhood and the struggles you have faced do not determine your future, nor do they mean you are destined for punishment. Your story is just beginning, and with each small step, you have the opportunity to heal, grow, and build a fulfilling life. Always remember that your presence in this world matters, and you do not have to face things alone. Allah is always near and hears even your quietest du’as. And there also are people, such as counselors and trusted adults, who can listen and help hold your hand through the difficult moments as you, Insha Allah, move toward the wonderful life ahead that is waiting for you.
May Allah make it easy for you, grant you peace, healing, and strength. May He surround you with comfort and His endless love.
Your Sister in Islam
Community Support Volunteer HK