I want to love
Salam.
I am a 22 year old Muslim man and I have been struggling with being motivated to continue striving each day. I actually work quite hard and have achieved quite a lot in my academic and professional career, but I find it hard to keep pushing through as I deal with chronic pain. I have a few conditions that have been affecting my life the past few years. It feels as if the knob of difficulty has been turned to twice the normal amount for every aspect of my life.
I think before walking to another spot in the room or house to ask myself if it’s worth it to move there before deciding ‘yes, I need to go there’, or ‘no, its not worth the difficulty, discomfort, and pain’. Another primary symptom I have is severe fatigue. Many times, it can be extended for long periods of time or come in short bursts, making it hard for me to plan for the day. Nowadays, before any endeavor, be it a project for fun, work, or a passion project, the cost of doing it seems to always outweigh the potential benefit I might get of creating or building something.
I thought I could simply go about life in the same way, trying to manage my symptoms as best I can; eating, sleeping, and exercising to the best of my ability. I thought if I allowed myself to just take breaks whenever I needed to and to ensure I don’t overwork myself, I’d be able to get back into the groove of things, just slower and with a little more difficulty. But it has been hard to do most things. I see doctors all the time and honestly just managing the appointments and medicating alone can feel exhausting, even though I am blessed to be able to access amazing medical care. I keep thinking I can think my way out of this and that it shouldn’t be this hard, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, and that many, many people have it much worse than I do, which is true. But that doesn’t seem to change things.
The worst part is I feel I’m getting further away from Allah. I was much better in my prayers and now its much harder to make each prayer on time. I could do it if I tried but I think the trying part of me is broken. Someone told me I have motivation but I’m just spending it on other things and maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s all spent trying to eat and rest up a lot more, hoping that rejuvenates my body better and that it removes the heavy brain fog I live in.
I love the beautiful things Allah has made. The sounds of poetry, the scattered rays that make it through all the layers of leaves, the architecture of a building and the awe that comes from seeing massive creations. It makes me feel motivated and inspired but before I know it, that feeling is gone and I look to see every single aspect of life as an endless task unworthy of my time and effort. Allah beautified this world and I don’t want to hate everything about it. I don’t want my heart to curse everything it sees and to ONLY imagine and yearn for what is in Jannat. I want my heart to see Allah in every single thing in this world, to magnify the love he has placed in His creation, including the stars, the animals, the trees, the people around me, and myself. I want to love others for the sake of Allah and love myself for the sake of Allah. Somewhere along the line, a bulk of my happiness and optimism was shot down and I don’t know when and where, but I know it’s essential to Islam.
Sufficient for me is Allah and excellent is the disposer of affairs.
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Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Salaam Aleykum and thank you for having the courage to reach out.
I understand that you have medical challenges that feel overwhelming. Only you truly know what the physical, mental and emotional toll feels like. And despite this, you have achieved a lot academically and professionally – this is commendable! You didn’t give up. And you are still able to enjoy the blessings and beauty of this world. This shows your underlying resiliency and grit. Even though it might FEEL like you can’t do more, remember, God does not test you with more than you can handle. So keep doing what you can do, and when you need to, allow yourself to just listen to your body, and rest.
Your body is just one part of you, the part we tend to be tuned into. Remember, you are also a spirit (Ruh), and when you are aware of, and operating from this spiritual center of consciousness, then you are able to feel inspiration. When you marvel at the Majesty of creation the way you describe, you are connecting to the Divine. You are not getting further away from Allah. He is closer to you than your jugular vein. He is the ALL MERCIFUL. When you can’t pray on time because of your physical suffering, remember His Mercy is with you.
It’s okay to use your physical energy for the basics of survival – just do it with self-compassion, and love. There is no need for any guilt. Be kind to yourself. You need this.
The source of your self-compassion is your Ruh (spirit), so try to dwell in that space. The Ruh is a living energy, it takes you through your entire existence, and it is connected to God Almighty. So be aware of this superpower inside of you!
And in parallel continue to do everything medically wise, to treat this illness. Have you considered joining a support group for people with chronic pain and fatigue? It can help to know that you are not alone, and sharing coping skills can help. Certain breathing and grounding techniques can also help with pain flare ups. Do what you can, physically, to help your body, and remember your spirit, filled with Divine Light, is with you to help you through the journey of life.
May you join with your own inner Peace and Light.
“Fatima FL”
Response from an additional “Fatima Counselor”:
Walaikumussalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu brother!!
I want you to know that what you described does not sound like laziness, weakness, or a lack of gratitude. It sounds like someone who has been carrying an enormous burden for a very long time.
When ordinary things require twice the effort, discomfort, planning and recovery, of course you become tired. And when even resting, eating, managing medication and attending medical appointments consume your limited energy, it makes sense that you sometimes reach a point where there is simply nothing left to give. Please don’t compare your struggle to someone else’s and then use their suffering to invalidate yours. Yes, there are people who have it worse. There are also people who have it better. Neither comparison changes what you are carrying. Allah knows exactly how difficult your particular test is. And I especially want to reassure you about your relationship with Allah.
You said that you feel you are getting further away from Him because your prayers have become harder. But perhaps you need to look at your situation through a different lens. You are not approaching Allah from the same physical place you were in before. The effort required from you has changed.
Allah says:
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear.”
(Qur’an 2:286)
And the Prophet ( SAW) taught us that when a person becomes ill, the good deeds they regularly used to do can continue to be recorded for them. So perhaps your worship right now isn’t supposed to look like someone else’s worship. Maybe getting up for salah when your body is screaming at you is itself an act of devotion. Maybe making wudu when you are exhausted is an act of devotion. Maybe praying sitting down when you genuinely cannot stand is an act of devotion. Maybe simply whispering “Ya Allah” when you have no energy for anything else is an act of devotion. Don’t turn Islam into another thing you have to perform perfectly.
Come to Allah as you are. And please don’t think that because you could technically force yourself to do something, you are therefore failing when you don’t. There is a difference between being unwilling and being depleted. I also loved what you said about wanting to see the beauty Allah has placed in this world. That tells me something important: your heart isn’t dead. You still notice the light through the leaves. You still hear poetry. You still experience awe when you see beautiful architecture and the magnitude of creation. You still want to love people for Allah’s sake and even learn to love yourself for His sake. Those moments matter. You don’t necessarily need to hold onto that feeling all day. Sometimes Iman comes as a bright feeling, and sometimes it is simply choosing to turn toward Allah when you feel absolutely nothing.
You don’t have to rebuild your entire life right now. Perhaps for a while, your goal can simply be: One prayer at a time. One day at a time. One small beautiful thing at a time. If you miss a prayer, don’t let Shaytan convince you that you’ve ruined everything and therefore there’s no point trying again. Come back at the next prayer. If you have a terrible day, don’t call yourself a failure. You had a terrible days. That’s done. Life keeps on going up and down. And remember: your worth in the sight of Allah isn’t measured by your productivity. You are not valuable because of your academic achievements, career, projects, productivity or how much you accomplish. You are valuable because Allah created you, knows you, hears you and knows what you are carrying. Your Dua : “Sufficient for me is Allah, and He is the best disposer of affairs”, may be exactly the place you need to stand right now. And one more thing: please continue talking honestly with your doctors about the severity of the fatigue, pain and brain fog. Needing to reassess treatment doesn’t mean you have failed at managing your condition. Sometimes the body needs more help than lifestyle changes alone can provide.
Perhaps your journey right now isn’t about becoming the person you were before.Perhaps it’s about discovering how to walk toward Allah with the body and circumstances you have today.
May Allah make your illness an expiation for your sins, raise you through your patience, give you shifa ,restore your strength, put barakah in the little energy you have, and make you once again experience the beauty of His creation with a peaceful heart. Ameen!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Here is an additional post on this topic that you may find helpful:https://www.stonestobridges.org/2026/08/07/anxiety-struggles/
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Anonymous
Walaykum assalam dear brother,
May Allah reward you greatly for your courage to reach out for support and may He alleviate you of your pain and difficulty.
The pain that you are mentioning it seems to be both physical and mental strain. Have you been experiencing both for a few years now? Do you feel that there are times or situations that cause you more difficulty than others? It is good that you see medical practitioners and are receiving the medication that you need, however I am wondering if you also have a support circle around you as well? Do you have friends or family that can help you with any endeavors that are too taxing for you? Even just to have some social support in your times of need can be highly beneficial to cope with any negative emotions that come from your condition.
I do appreciate how you stated in your post that you are cognizant of not overloading yourself by taking breaks when needed. This is important.
I am also curious to know how do you typically spend a day. Sometimes the kinds of activities we do in our day can be draining if we do not balance it appropriately. For example, prioritizing healthy balanced meals, physical activity (depending on what you are capable of), spending time with loved ones and sleeping and waking at appropriate times all may seem simple but it can make enormous amounts of change in a person’s life when done consistently.
Is there something that you would like to prioritize? It doesn’t have to be a gigantic change (and shouldn’t be as it may be harder to maintain).
In your post you mentioned your connection with Allah and how you feel it has been lacking recently. This is a normal part of what it means to be Muslim. Allah is not expecting us to resemble angels in our worship (otherwise He would have sent prophets as angels for us to model them).
I was also curious upon reading this quote in your post,
“Somewhere along the line, a bulk of my happiness and optimism was shot down and I don’t know when and where, but I know it’s essential to Islam.” I wonder if this is something that would require a bit more reflection and exploration.
Insha’Allah, my brother, you can get through these difficulties.
May Allah ease your difficulty and bring you close to Him than you ever were before.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL