I dont know anymore
I am a muslim (16F), but that religious identity only exists in language not in my character.
I have been struggling with hijab, prayer, wanting to be in a relationship, and possibly committing sins that i shouldn’t have gone near at all.
I am unaware of what to do with my life.
Everyone around me is in a relationship (muslim or not) and is having the time of their lives. I want to experience the joy, the thrill, the excitement they feel.
There is someone that i desperately want. That person isnt exactly of the best character, however i cannot judge others on that, when i myself am unaware of my character.
I am ashamed to say that i am obsessed with them. Every crumb of attention i get solidifies my ‘love’ and no matter what they do i cant get over them. The worst part is that this is not love, its simple lust and yearning for something that never ends well.
And even while knowing that, i keep falling again and again.
A part of me knows that even after posting this, and getting advice, i am not going to change anything.
So this is just a rant of me complaining about having entered a cage which i built with my own hands.
Prayer and faith is so far from me.
I havent properly practiced in 3 years, i only prayed religiously 2 months ago in hopes of getting a good result. And it did not meet my expectations at all.
All of my effort seemed to have simply gone down the drain.
My heart feels heavy, so heavy.
Its like the deepest part of my body, that yearns to go near sin and feel it again… wants to tear itself apart after feeling the act’s warmth
My mind and my heart are at odds and not at the same time
They wish for the same thing, but cause pain when they get it.
It feels so stupid to complain about this while knowing, that this whole situation is simply my miscalculation of how far i could go for something. It has been caused by my desires and feelings, and i can do nothing about that.
Thank you for submitting your post to Stones to Bridges! We pray you will find the responses below beneficial. If you find these responses helpful, we’d love for you to share what you appreciated and how you feel it might help you moving forward in the comments section below!
Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Salaams,
Thank you for having the courage to reach out for help. Having strong sexual urges at this age is normal. And living in an environment where your peers are sexually active, makes it hard to practice the values which keep us safe. Physically, morally and spiritually safe.
You CAN change your behaviors. Are you willing to try? Can you list some practical, wholesome activities, which you can give your attention to over the next month or so? This can break the mental circuit that you are stuck in. A circuit – breaker may look like a daily commitment to exercise, learning something new, volunteering, getting a part-time job – – something that inspires you and is linked to personal values.
Are you willing to also commit to ONE spiritually nourishing practice a day? It can be as simple as reading stories about the Prophets. Or one prayer a day, or even just staying God conscious. One consistent practice daily can help you re-connect to our Creator. This connection can invite His Grace, and re-orient you.
Choose change. Small changes lead to small wins. Each day notice when you feel good about yourself, when you feel hopeful, when you feel like you are living a more values-based life. This will help ground you and change your life.
From,
“Fatima FL”
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful:https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/08/25/i-dont-know-what-to-do/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/07/19/haram-relationship-with-a-non-practicing-christian-man/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/05/25/pursuing-people/https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/04/05/not-really-sure-if-waiting-til-marriage-is-worth-it-anymore/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2024/06/12/being-in-love-with-an-agnostic/
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Anonymous
Salaam dear sister,
I first want to appreciate the amount of self-awareness that I find in your very powerful explanation of your situation. I read many times throughout your post that you recognize the situation you are in and how you have played some role to get to where you are today.
This is a huge step in the right direction. Self-awareness is critical in forming a healthy imagine of oneself.
I wonder what it is that makes you feel that this person would be good for you? You can recognize that they do not have the kinds of personality qualities that are desirable for a relationship. Recognizing this does not imply you are being judgmental. It is a way of looking out for your well-being and good company. Relationships, although they may seem blissful and that people are having the times of their lives this is not the truth.
In every aspect of our lives whether we are single or not, employed or not, healthy or not….etc., there is going to be some difficulty. There is difficulty in being single, there is also difficulty in being in a relationship. What is seen from an outsider’s perspective is not always truth.
I also appreciate how you acknowledge that there is a difference in your feelings of lust for this person vs. love. Another very mature outlook. Feeling lust is a part of our human condition, but it is important to note that any relationship needs to be built on more than just this.
Relationships that are built on faith, patience, trust, care and concern are stronger and more durable than those who lack in these aspects. Islamically the marital bond between a husband and wife is something that is quite weighty because after all this relationship is foundational to society itself and is not something that should be looked at lightly.
Often, romantic relationships are looked at through a lens of self-fulfillment and pleasure when these qualities will not sustain something long-term.
All in all, your struggles are not in vain. Even though prayer may seem far from you, Allah is never far from you even when it feels like it.
I hope and pray that all of your struggles are eased for you.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL