Im so sick

Assalamualaikumwarahmatullahi wabarakatuhu my dear Sister!!

After reading your post I don’t think you’re “not making sense.” I actually think you’re overwhelmed, and when someone has been carrying a lot emotionally for a long time, their thoughts can come out exactly like this.

First of all, your worth isn’t determined by how effortlessly you speak, how funny you are, how many people like you, or whether you always know what to say…. But  Allah created you with value before you ever proved anything to anyone. Sometimes we become so focused on how other people are perceiving us that we forget something very important. Allah knows your intentions, your fears, your insecurities, and the things you wish you could express differently. Allah says: “We have certainly created the human being in the best of stature.” Qur’an 95:4. That doesn’t mean every human being will feel confident every day. It means your worth doesn’t begin when you finally become confident. You already have worth. Before the friendship. Before the compliment. Before the good grade. Before someone laughs at your joke. Before anyone validates you. Your worth isn’t something your classmates get to vote on.


You mentioned that you feel like everything you say comes with shame. I would gently ask you to notice that feeling rather than immediately believing it. When you say something and your mind responds with: Why did I say that? That was weird. They probably think I’m annoying. I should have said something else. Try telling yourself: this is anxiety speaking. Not the fact!! Islam teaches us to be careful about assumptions. Allah says:” Avoid much suspicion. Indeed, some suspicion is sin. “Qur’an 49:12. This verse isn’t only about how we think about other people. It can also remind us to be careful about the stories our minds create without evidence. Someone didn’t reply immediately? That doesn’t automatically mean they dislike you. The conversation became quiet? That doesn’t mean you ruined it. You said something awkward? That doesn’t mean you’re an awkward person. You talked about yourself?That doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. Your mind is filling in the blanks. You don’t have to force yourself to stop. Those fears deserve compassion.
You seem to imagine confident girls as people who naturally know what to say, never have awkward moments, understand every joke, and somehow make every conversation flow. But confidence isn’t the absence of awkwardness.


Confidence is not needing perfection in order to feel worthy. A confident person can say something weird. They can misunderstand a joke. They can have an awkward silence. They can be left on delivered. They can walk away from a conversation thinking, “That was awkward,” and still go on with their day. That’s the kind of confidence. Not: “Everyone likes me.” But:“I will be okay even if everyone doesn’t. “People’s approval is unstable. People’s opinions change. Friendships change. Schools change. Social trends change. But your relationship with Allah isn’t dependent on whether you said the perfect thing in a group chat. Allah knows the version of you that nobody else sees. The anxious you. The insecure you. The girl who goes home and replays conversations. The girl who desperately wants to belong. The girl who sometimes doesn’t know what to say. Allah knows all of her. And none of that makes you less worthy of His mercy.


You’ve changed schools multiple times, and you’ve had to repeatedly rebuild your social world. It makes sense that a part of you became very alert to rejection. Your brain may have learned, I need to get this right because I don’t want to lose people again. That doesn’t make you weak. It means you’ve been trying to protect yourself. But you don’t have to spend your entire life protecting yourself from rejection. You can gradually learn not only trusting Allah with big things, but also trusting Him with the uncertainty of everyday life. That’s TAWAKKUL. That’s very different from saying, I don’t care what anyone thinks.


 You’re a human. You probably will care about yourself. The goal isn’t to become someone who never feels embarrassed. The goal is to become someone who can feel embarrassed and still say: Alhamdulillah!! I’m okay, I don’t want to punish myself for being human. And please don’t measure your iman by how anxious you feel. Having anxiety, insecurity, or intrusive thoughts does not mean Allah is unhappy with you. A difficult emotional state isn’t a spiritual failure. Allah says: “Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear. “Qur’an 2:286 .And when your chest feels overwhelmed, you can make the simple du’a of Prophet Musa ( AS):


رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي ۝ وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي
Rabbi ishrah li sadri, wa yassir li amri.
“My Lord, expand my chest for me and make my task easy for me.”
(Qur’an 20:25–26).


You don’t need to become the girl who always knows what to say. You don’t need to understand every joke your generation makes. You don’t need to perform a personality for your friends. And you definitely don’t need to become someone else to deserve friendship. Say what you mean. Let someone misunderstand you occasionally. Let a joke fall flat. Let a message receive no response. And then remind yourself: I’m not required to control everyone’s perception on me. Allah knows my heart. That is where you would begin. And if this feeling of exhaustion, hypervigilance, shame, or feeling “stuck” is happening most days, please consider talking to a trusted adult, school counselor, or Muslim therapist who understands both adolescent mental health and your faith. You deserve support with this you don’t have to solve it alone.


May Allah give you peace, make your heart feel safe, surround you with sincere friendships, and help you become comfortable with the person He created you to be. Ameen!!

Everything will be fine. In Shaa Allah!!

Warm regards,

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”