Feeling betrayed

Assalamualaikumwarahmatullahi wabarakatuhu my dear Sister!

First of all my dear Sister, what you are feeling is understandable. I understand why you feel hurt and betrayed. When you discover your husband looking at indecent images of other women, especially after you had already told him how deeply it affected you, it can make you question whether you can trust him again. Discovering that your husband was intentionally looking at indecent images of other women can understandably leave you feeling hurt, betrayed, and insecure. Islam does not ask you to pretend that something that hurts you is insignificant.


At the same time, try not to make a final decision about your marriage based only on the fear that he may do it again. At this point, you do not know for certain whether he has returned to that behaviour. Changing his phone password may make you feel suspicious, but it is not by itself proof that he is doing something wrong.


 Your husband has a responsibility to lower his gaze and protect himself from deliberately looking at what Allah has prohibited. However, people can fall into sins and sincerely repent. The door of tawbah remains open. Therefore, the question is not only, “Did he make this mistake?” but also, “Does he recognize it, regret it, and genuinely try to change?”


You also do not need to become a detective in your marriage. Constantly checking his phone or trying to catch him may keep you trapped in anxiety. Instead, communicate your boundary clearly and calmly. You could tell him: I am not saying that I know you are doing this again. I don’t want to spy on you or live by checking your phone. But what happened before deeply hurt me and damaged my trust. I believe we both have a responsibility to protect the boundaries of our marriage. I need to know that you understand why this hurt me and that you are genuinely committed to changing this behaviour. I am willing to work on rebuilding trust, but I cannot rebuild it by myself. Then give him an opportunity to demonstrate change.


Look for accountability rather than perfection. Does he acknowledge that the behaviour was wrong? Does he make an effort to avoid triggers? Does he take responsibility when he slips? Is he willing to have an honest conversation about boundaries? Is he willing to seek counselling if necessary? If he makes a mistake again, you do not have to automatically conclude that divorce is the only answer. But neither are you required to ignore a repeated pattern. At that point, consider the circumstances: Was it an isolated lapse or an ongoing habit? Did he lie and deliberately conceal it? Did he show sincere repentance? Is he willing to take meaningful steps to change? Is the marriage becoming emotionally unsafe or damaging? If he genuinely regrets what happened, repents to Allah, makes an effort to change, and is willing to work on rebuilding trust, then there is room for healing. People can make mistakes and sincerely change.



Islam provides a pathway for reconciliation when there is serious marital conflict. Trusted people from both families or a qualified Muslim marriage counsellor can help both spouses work toward reconciliation and accountability. Most importantly, don’t make a promise to yourself that you must divorce if you ever discover another incident simply because you said so while you were deeply hurt. You are allowed to reassess the situation with wisdom and seek guidance from Allah. A boundary can mean, “If this becomes a repeated pattern and you are unwilling to change, I will seriously reconsider whether I can remain in this marriage.” But if it becomes a repeated pattern, particularly if there is lying, hiding, blaming you, refusing accountability, or no willingness to change, then you have every right to take the situation seriously and seek further help.


You can love your husband, recognize that he is a good father and has many good qualities, and still say that a particular behaviour is unacceptable and painful to you. Those things can exist together. Make Istikharah, seek wise Islamic counsel, and look at the overall pattern of the marriage rather than making a life-changing decision based on fear about something you cannot currently establish. The goal should not be to control one another. The goal should be to build a marriage in which both spouses willingly fear Allah, respect each other’s boundaries, protect their relationship, and take responsibility when they fall short. And remember: being a good father and having many good qualities does not mean you have to ignore behaviour that hurts you. At the same time, one area of weakness does not necessarily define his entire character or mean the marriage cannot be repaired. Give room for sincere tawbah, but don’t confuse forgiveness with accepting an ongoing pattern.


Your responsibility is not to catch him. His responsibility is to be accountable before Allah. You can make this Dua specifically for your husband and yourself!!


اللَّهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ بَيْنَنَا، وَأَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِنَا، وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَّلَامِ
Allahumma aslih baynanā, wa allif bayna qulūbinā, wahdinā subulas-salām.


“O Allah, reconcile between us, bring our hearts together, and guide us to the paths of peace.”


Make Dua, pray Istikharah and if the issue continues, consider involving a trustworthy Muslim marriage counsellor or a wise, balanced person who can help both of you not someone who will automatically take one person’s side. Ask Allah to show a right decision. May Allah replace your anxiety with peace, your hurt with healing, and your uncertainty with clarity. Aameen!!


Warm regards,

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”