Masturbating addiction part 2
Link to previous post: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2026/03/09/masturbating-addiction/
Update:
Since my last post on March 12th, I have been trying desperately to turn my life around. I actually managed to go two weeks without porn/masturbation, which was a huge milestone for me. I was starting to feel proud and was finally mentally preparing myself to return to my Salah
However, everything took a sharp turn yesterday. I lied to my parents about a small habit (brushing my teeth) because I was tired, but it escalated into a massive confrontation. They accused me of being a “dirty liar” and said that if I can lie about small things, I must be lying about my prayers and being a Muslim.
To defend the fact that I haven’t been praying, I mentioned needing ghusl frequently. I tried to frame it as natural “nightly releases,” but my mother didn’t believe me. She has now accused me of watching pornography in front of my brothers and threatened me with severe putting me under the ground and getting rid of me if she finds proof. She has since confiscated my PC, which has stalled a game-development project I was using as a positive outlet and a way to bond with my nephew.
Current Struggles:
Shame & Guilt: My mother told me that because I lied and used “Wallahi” in the past, Allah will never forgive me. This has crushed my motivation to start praying again.
Fear of Exposure: I am terrified that my family will go through my PC or that my mother will tell our entire extended family about her suspicions, ruining my reputation.
Mental Health Setback: I feel like I am back at “Floor 1.” The stress and anger from being misunderstood are making my urges to relapse much stronger.
I am looking for advice on how to handle the religious guilt my parents are putting on me, how to maintain my 14-day streak under this immense stress, and how to rebuild trust when I am still struggling with the root addiction in secret.
Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
Thank you for submitting your post to Stones to Bridges! We pray you will find the responses below beneficial. If you find these responses helpful, we’d love for you to share what you appreciated and how you feel it might help you moving forward in the comments section below!
Response from a “Fatima Counselor”:
Assalamualaikum Brother!! I can understand that what you’re dealing with right now is heavy; emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. And I want to be very clear about something upfront: You are not “back to floor 1.” You built 14 days of control. That doesn’t disappear because of one bad day or a family conflict. That progress is real. What you’re going through right now is shame, fear, pressure from family, and trying to change yourself at the same time. Anyone in that situation would feel shaken…But let me separate a few important things.
About Allah’s forgiveness (this is very important) What your mother said “Allah will never forgive you” is not true in Islam. Allah says in the Qur’an that He forgives all sins if a person turns back sincerely. Even repeated sins can be forgiven if you keep returning and trying again.
Using “Wallahi” wrongly is serious, yes but it is still forgivable with repentance. So your situation is not “over.” You are not rejected. In fact, the fact that you feel guilt and want to return to Salah is a very strong sign of faith still being alive in you. You are not at Floor 1 brother.
Threatening to “get rid of you” or expose you is not okay. Accusing without proof and escalating like this creates fear, not change. This is emotional pressure, not healthy guidance. This doesn’t mean your mom doesn’t care, often it comes from fear or misunderstanding but the way it’s expressed is harmful to your recovery. So right now, your priority is not convincing her. Your priority is stabilizing yourself. Handling your parents in this situation is less about “proving you’re right” and more about reducing conflict, protecting yourself emotionally, and slowly rebuilding trust. Right now, things are heated so the strategy is calm, simple, and consistent. Don’t argue when emotions are high. Understand their mindset (so you don’t take it all in). Their reaction likely comes from: Fear about your future, concern about religion, Cultural shame around these topics, misunderstanding of addiction. But it’s coming out as: Accusation, threats and harsh words. This doesn’t mean they are right it means they are reacting emotionally.
Try to tell yourself: “This is their fear speaking, not the truth about me.” Right now, they don’t trust your words. So don’t try to fix things with words. Fix it with small consistent actions: Do small chores without being asked. Keep your tone calm (even if they’re not). Follow basic routines (sleep, hygiene, etc.). Avoid obvious lying (even small things like brushing teeth). If they bring it up again. Don’t go into details about your struggle. Keep it simple: “I know I made mistakes. I’m working on myself.” If they push more:“I don’t feel comfortable discussing everything, but I am trying to improve.” Repeat calmly. Don’t change your answer. What your mother said about harming you is serious. Even if said in anger, that’s not okay. If you ever feel: Physically unsafe or things might escalate. Please reach out to: A trusted adult, School counselor or local support services. You deserve to feel safe, not afraid.
If your parents check your devices First, accept this mindset (it reduces anxiety a lot): “I can’t fully control what they do but I can control how I respond.” If they take or check your PC: don’t try to snatch it back, don’t act overly defensive, don’t over-explain quickly. That can make them more suspicious, even if there’s nothing there. If they confront you, Keep your response: Short, calm and non- detailed. Say: I understand why you’re concerned. I’m working on myself. I don’t want to argue about this. If they accuse say, “That’s not what I want for myself. I’m trying to improve.” Islamically and emotionally: You should not lie. But you are allowed to keep private sins private. Be honest without exposing everything. In future, avoid storing anything questionable on devices. Use devices with purpose (not late-night isolation). Keep usage more “visible” for now (reduces suspicion). If they threaten to tell others, this fear is very real. If it happens: Stay calm (even if internally stressed).
Don’t react aggressively it can escalate things. You can say: “This is very personal. I’m trying to fix myself. Please don’t share it.” Even if they don’t fully listen, you’ve responded with dignity.
You already did 14 days that’s huge. That means you can do it. Right now, don’t aim for “never again.” Aim for: “I will get through today.” When urges spike (especially after stress): Change environment immediately (don’t sit alone with your thoughts), Cold water on face or short walk. Keep your phone, PC use in open, shared spaces as we explained in the previous post. Delay the urge: “Just 10 minutes” (this works more than fighting directly). Urges peak and fall like waves. If you don’t act, they pass.
Now you’re thinking, “I need to fix everything before I start praying.” That’s backwards. Start praying even if you are struggling. You don’t need to be perfect to pray. Salah is what helps you get better, not a reward for being perfect. Even if you fall again, you still pray. Start small: Even 1 Salah a day consistently is better than none. Build slowly.
Trust rebuilds slowly through patterns, not one conversation. Your fear is real, but notice: Right now, it’s anticipation, not reality. Even if something is discovered, it would be painful but not the end of your life. Try to ground yourself: “Right now, I am safe. I just need to handle today. ”What matters most right now is not perfection. Not proving yourself. Not fixing everything. Just this: Stay clean today. Pray even if it’s imperfect. Don’t let shame convince you that you’re finished. Because you’re not.
You managed 14 days before this crisis. That means your progress is real not fake, not temporary. This situation didn’t erase that brother. It just made the path harder for a moment. Everything will be fine soon. In Shaa Allah!!
Warm regards,
From your Sister in Islam,
“Fatima MV”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Salaam dear brother,
I’m really sorry to hear of the struggles between you and your parents. It must feel extremely frustrating to make progress in your journey to overcoming your addiction only to be met with these setbacks. However, I encourage you not to think of what happened as a setback in your journey but as a means of springing yourself forward on your path. You were able to go two whole weeks, that’s 14 days—almost half a month without watching pornography! This is amazing and proof that you are able to untangle yourself from the web of addiction.
I wanted to comment on a part of your post that stood out to me. “My mother told me that because I lied and used “Wallahi” in the past, Allah will never forgive me. This has crushed my motivation to start praying again.”
One thing I want you to know, brother, is that our parents, family, friends, society itself cannot speak on who Allah will forgive or not. That knowledge is only with Allah. He forgives whoever He wants—and says so in many places throughout the Quran. We do not have a say in who will or will not be forgiven by Him.
Remember this ayah- “When My servants ask you ˹O Prophet˺ about Me: I am truly near. I respond to one’s prayer when they call upon Me. So let them respond ˹with obedience˺ to Me and believe in Me, perhaps they will be guided ˹to the Right Way˺ ” (2:186).
Not to get too technical, but I had watched a lecture, and the speaker, when discussing this ayah, mentioned that the Arabic word used for ‘call’ is singular. Meaning that even if you call on Allah a single time, He will respond to you. There are no qualifications that you must be a certain kind of person to receive a response from Allah. Remember this, my brother, when you feel that your prayer won’t be accepted/that you are not worthy of it.
May Allah ease your difficulty, grant you strength, and help you transform into the best version of yourself. Know that you have the resilience to continue this journey, and I am confident that you will continue making meaningful progress.
All the Best,
Your Sister in Faith,
Peer Support Volunteer NL
Note from Admin: If you would like us to help you find a Muslim therapist/counselor in your area, please complete the Contact Us form at the footer of the website.
Disclaimer: If this is an emergency or involves potential harm to yourself or others, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The information that appears here is not meant as a replacement for proper care from a mental health provider. Click here to read our full Disclaimer.
Here are some additional posts on this topic that you may find helpful: https://www.stonestobridges.org/2014/06/06/featured-post-harmful-addictions/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2014/12/27/sinner/ https://www.stonestobridges.org/2025/12/27/my-life-is-in-absolute-shambles/
Habiba K
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu Dear Brother.
I can imagine how hard it is to deal with a setback right when you are giving it your all. My heart really goes out to you because I recognize how much effort you were putting into this. Two weeks clean is a huge accomplishment, and I applaud you for that. Given the situation, I understand why you may feel like your progress was wasted. But that could not be further from the truth as every day you fought for yourself actually meant everything.
It is important to always remember that Allah’s mercy is bigger than any of our shortcomings. So, please know that Allah has not closed the door on you, and you should never lose hope in His mercy. No matter what has happened or how many times you feel like you have fallen, Allah always welcomes you back when you return with a sincere heart. While making a mistake with an oath, even one as serious as wallahi, is a heavy thing, please remember that Allah’s mercy is always greater than our mistakes. Through sincere tawbah and a real commitment to honesty, you can always find forgiveness. What matters most is how you use this experience to grow and strengthen your character from today onward. And please do not let this weight pull you away from your salah. Allah sees our effort and not our perfection. Prayer is not for people who never make mistakes, it is for people who are trying, and we are all in that same boat together.
What happened was not just about being untruthful, it also was a combination of built up stress, feeling misunderstood, being accused of things you did not do, and losing something positive in your life like your PC and your project. That is a lot for anyone to handle at once. When pressure like that happens, it is normal for your mind to look for escape, which is why your urges feel stronger. This does not mean you have failed, just that you are under stress and the guilt placed on you also makes things heavier. But please strive to avoid accepting the idea that you are beyond fixing yourself.
The fear about your PC and the secret getting out has your mind spinning toward worst-case scenarios, which is only adding to your stress. So, try to bring your focus back to what you can control right now rather than what might happen. Also try not to think too far ahead. Your goal is simply to get through one day at time without relapsing. When urges come, try to avoid sitting with them. I would suggest moving immediately, changing your environment, being around people, or doing something physical to break the cycle. You are not trying to be perfect, just trying to stay steady under pressure. To that end, I also want to encourage you to do your best to engage in dhikr and to keep making du’a, even a simple “Ya Allah help me” can move mountains you cannot see.
Your parents are most likely reacting out of fear and frustration, but some of what was said to you was hard, and it is understandable that it hurt you. However, please avoid arguing with them, and it also is okay not to reveal everything you are struggling with if you are not ready. Focus instead on rebuilding trust through small, consistent actions, like being truthful, staying calm, and showing change over time. Rebuilding trust takes time, but it is absolutely possible. Every honest moment is like adding a brick back into that foundation. You may not see the result immediately, but slowly, people will begin to notice the change. And regarding your urges, if they get too difficult to control I would recommend that you consider some professional guidance. A therapist, especially one who is culturally sensitive, can provide you with additional support and strategies that can help to address your addiction.
Although you might feel like you are back at square one, that certainly is not the case because you are not the same person you were when you started. A person at the very beginning does not care or try, but you are reflecting, holding yourself accountable, and fighting to change. Sometimes, a difficult moment happens not to push you back, but to see if you will keep turning to Allah even when it is hard. You do not have to do it perfectly, you just have to do it sincerely. Try to take things one day at a time. Prioritize staying clean and doing your salah and be careful not to let the voice of guilt talk you into giving up. You are not starting from scratch, you are starting from experience. You have everything you need to keep moving forward and you are stronger than you think. Insha Allah, you have got this!
May Allah grant you unwavering strength and peace and bless every step of your journey with ease and success.
Your Sister in Islam
Peer Support Volunteer Habiba K