Help

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu my dear Sister,


I wish I could sit beside you right now and simply let you cry without having to explain yourself .You have carried an unbelievable amount of pain for someone who is only 16. After reading everything you wrote, the first thing I want you to know is this: You were a child. You were supposed to be protected. You were not supposed to be taught these things, used, manipulated, touched, sexualized, or made to believe that other people had a right to your body. None of that was your fault. Please don’t look back at the little girl you were and ask, “Why didn’t I stop it? Why didn’t I tell someone? Why did I freeze? “You were a child trying to survive circumstances you didn’t understand.


You said that whenever people touched you or tried to lure you somewhere, you became completely still and didn’t react. Allah knows this. Allah knows what you knew at seven years old. Allah knows what you were taught. Allah knows what you were afraid of. Allah knows every time you froze. Allah knows every tear you cried when nobody else knew. Freezing doesn’t mean consent. Silence doesn’t mean consent. Your inability to fight back doesn’t make you are responsible. You should believe Allah is “AL’ – ADL” ( The Absolutely Just).You don’t have to convince Allah that you were hurt. Allah already knows. I know you said you feel disgusted with yourself. But, dear sister, You are not dirty. You are not ruined. You are not worthless. You are not responsible for another person’s sexual sins. And what happened to you does not decrease your honour in the sight of Allah. Nothing another person did to you can make you less worthy of Allah’s mercy. The shame belongs to the people who harmed you. You were taught things that were completely wrong.Then, when you finally revealed what was happening, instead of receiving the protection and understanding you needed, you were blamed and humiliated.I can understand why your heart is asking: Why didn’t anyone protect me?That is a heartbreaking question.But please don’t turn that question into: why didn’t I protect myself?  Because  you were a child. The responsibility belonged to the adults around you.



You mentioned things you did afterward that you regret. If there are things you genuinely did that were wrong, you can take them to Allah through tawbah. But tawbah does not mean spending the rest of your life hating yourself.


Allah says:
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ“Say: O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah.” (Qur’an 39:53)

Look at the wording: “Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. “Even when people have made mistakes, Allah tells them not to despair of His mercy. So if you need to repent, repent. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to say, “Ya Allah, I’m sorry,” say it. Then let Allah’s mercy be bigger than your past. You don’t have to punish yourself forever. So even if you made mistakes, the door of Allah is not closed. You can say:


رَبِّ إِنِّي ظَلَمْتُ نَفْسِي فَاغْفِرْ لِي
Rabbi innī ẓalamtu nafsī faghfir lī.
“My Lord, indeed I have wronged myself, so forgive me.”


And then keep going. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for your past. You asked Allah to let you die, Sister, this part of your message worries me deeply. I don’t want to give you a prayer asking Allah to end your life. Not because Allah doesn’t hear your pain. Allah does!! Not because your suffering isn’t serious. It is!! But because the part of you that wants to die may actually be desperately asking for something else: “I want this pain to stop. “And those are not the same thing. You don’t necessarily want your existence to disappear. You want the fear to disappear. You want the memories to stop hurting. You want someone to finally protect you. You want to feel loved. You want your childhood back. You want to feel safe. You want to wake up without carrying all of this. And sister, those things can still become possible. The Prophet (SAW) taught us not to wish for death because of suffering.


Instead, he taught us to say:
اللَّهُمَّ أَحْيِنِي مَا كَانَتِ الْحَيَاةُ خَيْرًا لِي، وَتَوَفَّنِي إِذَا كَانَتِ الْوَفَاةُ خَيْرًا لِي
Allahumma ahyini ma kanatil-hayatu khayran li, wa tawaffani idha kanatil-wafatu khayran li.
“O Allah, keep me alive as long as life is better for me, and cause me to die when death is better for me.”


You don’t have to decide your entire future tonight. Leave that decision with Allah. Your only responsibility tonight is to stay. You can talk to Allah exactly as you are. You don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of Allah. You can cry during salah. You can make dua in your own language. You can sit after salah without saying anything at all. Allah already knows what your heart cannot put into words. Prophet Ya’qub (AS) said:إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ“I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah. “Qur’an 12:86 


So complaining to Allah about your pain isn’t a lack of faith. Sometimes it is an act of faith. But please don’t carry this alone. This is extremely important. Talking to Allah does not mean you have to refuse help from people. Allah can help us through people. You are 16, you have described sexual abuse and an attempted rape, and you are now talking about wanting to die. Please tell a safe adult today. If you cannot tell your mother, tell a teacher, school counsellor, doctor, nurse, social worker, trusted relative, or another adult who will actually protect you. You don’t have to tell the whole story perfectly. And please choose someone who understands that protecting you comes first. If an imam is involved, choose an imam who understands child safeguarding and will not tell you simply to endure abuse or return to someone who is unsafe.


If you feel that you might hurt yourself right now, please don’t stay alone. Go to a safe adult immediately, move away from anything you could use to hurt yourself, and call emergency services or go to an emergency department please.This isn’t because you’re in trouble.It’s because your life is precious!!
And about your sister…You said you feel as though your younger sister is replacing you. Sweet sister, she cannot replace you. There is no position in this world that belongs to only one daughter. You don’t have to compete with her to deserve your mother’s love. You don’t have to be the perfect child anymore. You don’t have to clean everything. You don’t have to carry everyone else’s burdens. You don’t have to prove that you’re useful enough to deserve love. You deserve love simply because Allah created you. The little girl who carried groceries so her siblings could be comfortable, deserved to be cared for too. The little girl who cleaned the house, deserved to play. The little girl who worked until 3 a.m, deserved rest. The little girl who was taken advantage of, deserved protection. And the 16-year-old who is crying now, deserves help. Your life hasn’t finished right now, you can only see the pain behind you.


You cannot see what is ahead. But that doesn’t mean there is nothing ahead. There may be friendships you haven’t made yet. People you haven’t met yet. Places you’ve never seen. A home where you finally feel safe. A version of yourself that doesn’t have to constantly survive. You’re only 16 now.You still have a beautiful life ahead. There may even come a day when you look back at this girl who thought she couldn’t survive and realize. “Allah brought me through”.


Allah says in the Qur’an: “Indeed, with hardship comes ease. Indeed, with hardship comes ease. “Qur’an 94:5–6 .Allah repeated it. Your hardship is not the entirety of your story. May Allah hold your heart gently, protect you from anyone who has harmed you, give you justice and safety, replace your fear with security, bring trustworthy people into your life, heal what has been wounded, and let you experience a kind of peace that you cannot imagine right now. May Allah make you love life again.

 Ameen ya Rabbala’alameen!!

Warm regards,

From your Sister in Islam,

“Fatima MV”

Salaams,

Thank you for having the courage to share your life story. You have been through alot of very difficult experiences from a young age. You were in unsafe environments, the adults around you, failed you, and you coped the only way you knew how. Abused children often develop coping mechanisms aimed at sheer survival. Whatever you did, kept you in survival mode. 


Now it seems you are a young adult. Can you try to re-define who you are? You are not a collection of past attitudes or behaviors. There is a Light that you carry, that is your true essence – the part of you that helps you find quiet moments of peace, here and there; can you notice this?  There is an inner voice that speaks wisely and tells you what you need to hear; can you hear it? Your true self is inside you; can you awaken to this reality? 


This true self is your spiritual essence, your Ruh. It is pure and Divine in origin. You are not the past that you describe – those are really bad things that happened to you. Can you imagine a re-birth, where you start living life again, in the present  and from this deeper place of consciousness. Your sence of self identity, if grounded in spiritual truth, will help you get through this one and only precious life. 




What will make life worth living? Think about your personal values and what inspires you. Allah wants you to be happy. And safe. Do what is in your control to be safe. No form of sexual abuse is acceptable, no matter what. Take steps to stay safe. This can include reaching out to supportive people or services in your community. 


Rather than praying for end of life, can you pray for a good life? Look for those quiet moments of peace and joy. You may find this in nature, in hobbies, in new relationships, or in unexpected ways. Journal what makes you feel good. Take action, rooted in wholesome personal values and find a way to live a life worth living. Good things happen too. 

From,

“Fatima FL”