Help in dealing with supouses extra marital affair

Salaams, this must be so painful and frustrating for you. The fact that the affair has been on and off, shows a repeating pattern of infidelity. Please understand that, if he knows you will not leave the marriage, you may be enabling his behavior, and it will likely continue. You need to honestly ask yourself if this is something you can live with, how will this affect your daughters, and what can you do that will change your life for the better. 


You say you are slipping into depression. I understand this is a highly sensitive and private matter, but it may help for you to confide in someone wise, who has your best interest in mind, who may be able to give you emotional support without judging this situation. A good friend or a therapist? When you feel supported, you may realize that a serious life decision that seems impossible for you right now, is actually a way forward in your life. 


If you choose to stay in this marriage, either you will need to accept the infidelity, or tell him it is unacceptable and must stop. If you decide to accept the affair, then you need to re-align your expectations, with the reality. If you are sexually active with him (and he is with another woman), then you need to check yourself for std’s and make sure you’ve had the HPV vaccine. You’ll have to find purpose and meaning in your life outside of the marriage. 


And if you choose to give him an ultimatum, then you need a plan for yourself if he does not stop cheating. Please remember that Allah promises us that “He will not test us with more than we can bear”. In other words, you have the capacity to handle this problem. Allah also promises us that “With every difficulty there is ease”. This means His Mercy and Love is with you. 

From,

“Fatima FL”