I really want the Islamic ruling on this situation I’m going through
Asalamualakium I had this problem with my dad basically I’m in his care well in his custody I’m only 15 years so one I can’t travel alone and I’m a muslimah so I have to have a Muhram and i told him I wanted to see my mom because he took me away from her and I did not see her for an entire year I decided to build up the courage to ask him he said yes then he switched when others asked him if I was still coming because he was delaying me going then he sent my mom the ticket and it was expensive and he said that he wants her to pay the entire thing without him contributing and my mom said she really can’t afford much she can try to help I went to him and asked if he could just pay why half like why can’t she pay half then him and he’s saying that “it’s crazy that anyone wants him to contribute to the flight and if he were to do it it would be out of kindness not out of doing it and he won’t do it because he has things he’s paying for here like thing for me “ and I told him that he has a right as father within Islam to take care of me at least if he does not have it should he not just still try and help instead of making my mom pay to see me after I was supposed to see her anyways but he has not let me see her for an entire year ? I just want to know what is the Islam ruling on that ? Ramadan Mubarak as well may Allah bless you
Response from a “Fatima counselor”:
Dear Sister,
I’m sorry you are in this position. It’s always hard when parents separate and you don’t really get a lot of choice in how they choose to interact with one another. It’s also hard being a teenager with some ideas about how you wish things to go but also not a lot of resources or influence in how decisions are made.
You are right that Allah calls us to rahmah (mercy). If your dad chose to help your mom see you, it would be generous and merciful of him. I cannot speak to the Islamic ruling but I do know that when people separate often their hearts are not open to their ex-partner like they used to be. Sometimes people have higher expenses or lower income and there are many pressures on them financially as a result.
I don’t know why your dad first said he would pay and then changed his mind. If you notice this becomes a pattern then you might consider finding other ways to stay connected to your mom as long as keeping that relationship is safe for you. That could be by writing letters, using FaceTime or other means to stay in touch, and maybe even getting a job so you can save up funds to see her. Pray istikahaarah and consult with a trusted adult to see which option(s) are right for your situation.
May Allah make this situation easy for you.
Sincerely,
Your Sister in Islam,
Fatima “FM”
Response from your friend at Stones to Bridges:
Walaykum assalam dear sister,
I am sorry to read about the difficult family situation you find yourself in. Separation/divorce is never an easy thing to go through especially if you’re still young and growing up under the care of your parents. I pray Allah makes this trial easy for you, ameen. In regard to your father, does he have a brother or sister that he is close to and that you could use as an intermediator? If you do have an uncle or aunt, you could try speaking to them and ask them to speak with your father about the situation. Sometimes people are more likely to receive advice/counsel in a much more positive way if it is done by someone who is close to them/ can be seen as someone who is neutral in the situation. I do not mean to suggest that you are not close with your father only that it may sound different and allow him to consider it from all points of view, if he is hearing a sibling or even a parent talking to him about this. I ask Allah that you are able to visit your mom, that He blesses your family and accepts all your acts of worship this month, ameen.
